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Lullacus

31-35, F

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4094 views · 108 followers · Joined: March 25, 2017 · Online: See Last Online »

May God have mercy on our dirty little hearts...

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It appears that another of my batch jobs has finally finished up its execution. It returned its results to me in one of the more common formats; my dreams. I have been mulling over these insanely vivid dreams I have been having lately - even...

An end to loneliness [I Am Alone and Wonder If It Will Always Be This Way]

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Loneliness is one of the most prevalent and unifying experiences of the human experience. We experience it from a very young age - alone in the dark and screaming from the crib - and it is ever present throughout the entirety of one's life. One...

I Take Life Too Seriously

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I take life too seriously sometimes. The fact that I am aware of it does not make it any less so. It is something I have to be actively aware of in my thought processes and do my best to let go of. I am not quite sure why it is so to begin with....

I Want to Live Life to the Fullest

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I have always tried to live my life to the fullest.. grab every opportunity and make the most out of every situation. I do this because I am afraid... I am afraid of letting my life pass me by. I am afraid that my life may one day come to an end,...

How do I deal with my mother in-law?

I realize that I may be asking a very vague question here, considering the variety of issues that women have with their mothers in law... but at the same time, I think it all stems from the same place... the refusal of a mother to stop interfering in...

I am losing ground

I am a ghost that only exists in this tiny space that renders every morning. This is my home. This is my office. This is my tomb. My spere of influence no longer extends outside the confines of this sandbox environment. I am even starting to question...

Cracking my code: Background processing caught exception

I have always been unstable enough to believe I can see the hidden strings of the universe and how it all connects in chaotic magnificence. I believe that I have glimpsed behind this curtain several times throughout the course of my life. It is...

There's Nothing left

I have no right to any thoughts or feelings. Consider them suppressed until further notice. There are some aspects of my personality that I need to reconcile before I will be comfortable being me again. For what it's worth, I will fix this or die...

A Rock and A Hard Place

It all started with a job opportunity... In 2020 where people were losing their jobs left and right. I would have been a fool not to accept. What this company offered me was almost too good to be true; they offered double the salary I was earning at...

I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now

It was exactly a year ago that everything changed. I found all that you had left here for me, and with it, everything shifted. I finally knew that which I had been dying to know… that you love me too. It was this knowledge that finally set us both f...

I Am Not Everyones Cup Of Tea

Saying that I am not everybody’s cup of tea is an understatement. The people that I get on with are few and far between but not for lack of trying. I am not quite sure how people regard me but I know that I make them uncomfortable. I can see it in t...

I Am Not Very Close With My Relatives

I am not very close to my relatives. It might come down to the way I was raised; it might just be my inability to form connections to those around me. Who knows anymore at this point, right? Is it really such a strange situation? It becomes more...

I Am Blessed Beyond Measure

I know that I am blessed beyond measure; there really is no denying it. Though I do feel the need to explain what I mean with “blessed.” I don’t mean it in the religious sense – like there is some omnipotent being out there that has bestowed his...

I Love Marijuana

Despite the recent decriminalization of marijuana in my country, it is still considered a bit of a controversial issue. It is not that this decision has caused any issues, but rather the antiquated ideas and notions that some of the more traditional...

I Am Trying to Break My Bad Habits

We are only human, we are fallible. For that reason it is common for us to have mannerisms and aspects of ourselves that we do not necessarily like. Life is a learning process and through the relentless march of time, we learn and we change. We...

I Love Conversations That Last All Night

I love conversations that last all night – that is usually how you can tell that you are conversing with the right people. That is usually the best way to properly get to know another person. It happened in this way when we first met; we spoke all...

I Want to Be Understood By Just One Person

There are a great many reasons why I decided to open my EP account and start writing there. Some of those reasons I have shared with you over the years, some I have not. Today I will be elaborating on one of those reasons. I was hoping that through...

I Am a Bartender

I was a bartender for the last five years, though despite leaving the industry, I still see myself as one. Funny that this should only dawn upon me now. When I was in the industry, I couldn’t wait to get out. All the drunken idiots got frustrating a...

I Am In Pain Tonight

I wrote this story about seven months ago. I was torturing myself that night, as I often do... But just like the letters you left for me, it needs its turn in the light. It is yours. Everyone thinks that this is easy, that its comfortable, that its...

Dreams have always fascinated me. I liken them to a portal to another realm…. But it leads to you. Your subconscious manifesting the thoughts and desires you won’t even admit to yourself. By that logic, the better you understand your dreams – the...

I Don't Quite Know How to Say How I Feel

It would seem that my vocabulary is failing me yet again, because somehow I cannot find the words to say how I feel... I want to shout it from the rooftops, but what would I shout? I want to shout out that I am ridiculously happy and it is all...

I have two tattoos at this point and still intend to get several more. It is always just a bit of a process to choose the right tattoo for the right spot. I know that many people and cultures are against tattoos, as they see it as desecrating your...

I Want To Be There For You

I want to be there for you… another statement that deserves to be examined more closely. What does it mean to be there for someone? Surely there is more to it than simply being present for the good times and the bad. Otherwise I may as well be a...

I At Least Want To Make One Of My Dreams Reality

Dreams are such silly things, really. From childhood they will tell you to dream big and shoot for the stars. But what does that even mean? We end up having so many dreams throughout the course of our lives that it would be impossible to realize even...

I Am a Computer Geek

I am a computer geek in every sense of it. They are an obsession of mine, hardware and software excite me. I feel about my computer the same way some musicians would feel about their instruments. It is my tool, it holds my means of self expression...

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