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How do I deal with my mother in-law?

I realize that I may be asking a very vague question here, considering the variety of issues that women have with their mothers in law... but at the same time, I think it all stems from the same place... the refusal of a mother to stop interfering in the life of her child... She keeps interfering in our lives and at the moment it is affecting our relationship.
I fear I may always be on the losing side of this battle, because I am not willing to stoop to the same levels of manipulation that she does. It's all too easy for her to start crying and play on his emotions, which she does, and he is left giving up more and more ground. I, on the other hand, am not willing to emotionally manipulate or silence him - meaning that every time concessions are made, they are in her favor.
At this point I am afraid of losing him or even losing myself due to constantly having to give ground. How do I deal with this situation? I really don't know anymore
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
When I first got married she come over and start trying to re-arrange things, run the house. Then I started leaving photos my wife had taken of me masturbating around the house and her mother stopping prying into things.

But to be more serious about your problem, I'd think the first step is to have a serious talk with your husband about your feelings. Perhaps he's not aware of the problem?
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
He needs to grow up and stop being an emotional hostage to his mother and his mother needs to get a life and let her son grow up if she loves him. If you keep having to sacrifice your ideas and goals personally and together you’ll both be unhappy. He needs to decide if losing you is worth it.
Fairydust · F
@Keepitsimple 💯🙌🏻👆🏻
Fairydust · F
Can you ask him to speak to her, just stop seeing them as much, reduce contact. I did and felt great.
ilikeitlikethat23 · 61-69, M
@Lullacus cut them off completely for 30 days don't answer their calls or refuse to discuss his relationship with his mother with anyone else in the family just hang up. He's got to be a man someday, today is as good a day as any.
Lullacus · 31-35, F
@ilikeitlikethat23 I have suggested this option, but he insists that he needs to deal with it in his own way... and so far, I am letting him. I am afraid that he might end up resenting me if I had to push for cutting contact.
Fairydust · F
@Lullacus he needs to see she has an unhealthy hold over him. I feel for you. 😞 I agree with keepitsimple.
Been dealing with this for 30 yrs with my MIL .. talk with your H and at least try to address it .. or it will never end. My W refused to do anything .. so I have a couple of times and will again when it gets egregious.
Reminds me of the joke:
What do you do if you miss your MIL ? Shoot again 🤪
@BridgeOvertroubledWaters

[image deleted]
ozgirl512 · 26-30, F
I hate to sound negative, but maybe you can't. This pattern between him and her is long standing and deeply ingrained.. Good luck

 
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