I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now
It was exactly a year ago that everything changed. I found all that you had left here for me, and with it, everything shifted. I finally knew that which I had been dying to know… that you love me too.
It was this knowledge that finally set us both free, after a decade of unspoken feelings and uncertainty. We could see the truth and one another with unwavering clarity for the first time, and it was both beautiful and terrifying.
After that most profound of days, we found our way to each other. We built up a life for ourselves – one that I am ecstatic to be a part of. A life I was convinced I could never have, yet here we are; together.
We often day dream and jest about how things might have played out if we knew sooner… if we saw though the masks that we were both wearing. While this may be a fun distraction and a pleasant line of thought, I have no regrets. I could say that I wish I knew back then what I know now, because then we would have been together all that much sooner. But I don’t.
There is no way of predicting how our actions may affect the world around us, and that piece of knowledge would have certainly led to action – for better or worse. Perhaps if I knew back then what I know now, things might have ended up differently, and that is not something I am willing to consider.
The timing of this knowledge was essential, and let’s face it, our timing was always off ever so slightly. We needed to learn the truth in this way, at this pace, otherwise we may have rejected it outright. We may have not believed.
Like the mighty Captain Hindsight, I always wished that I could impart my current knowledge on a past version of myself. Ignorant to the fact that it would have altered too much; possibly closing doors I chose to open instead. Everything we do derives from past experience – and knowledge without experience can be quite dangerous and unpredictable.
After careful consideration, I have decided that I no longer wish that I could know back then what I know now. Instead, I am just thankful for finding the truth when I did. Finding you when I did… and what it has led to. I have you by my side now and that is the only thing that matters to me.
It was this knowledge that finally set us both free, after a decade of unspoken feelings and uncertainty. We could see the truth and one another with unwavering clarity for the first time, and it was both beautiful and terrifying.
After that most profound of days, we found our way to each other. We built up a life for ourselves – one that I am ecstatic to be a part of. A life I was convinced I could never have, yet here we are; together.
We often day dream and jest about how things might have played out if we knew sooner… if we saw though the masks that we were both wearing. While this may be a fun distraction and a pleasant line of thought, I have no regrets. I could say that I wish I knew back then what I know now, because then we would have been together all that much sooner. But I don’t.
There is no way of predicting how our actions may affect the world around us, and that piece of knowledge would have certainly led to action – for better or worse. Perhaps if I knew back then what I know now, things might have ended up differently, and that is not something I am willing to consider.
The timing of this knowledge was essential, and let’s face it, our timing was always off ever so slightly. We needed to learn the truth in this way, at this pace, otherwise we may have rejected it outright. We may have not believed.
Like the mighty Captain Hindsight, I always wished that I could impart my current knowledge on a past version of myself. Ignorant to the fact that it would have altered too much; possibly closing doors I chose to open instead. Everything we do derives from past experience – and knowledge without experience can be quite dangerous and unpredictable.
After careful consideration, I have decided that I no longer wish that I could know back then what I know now. Instead, I am just thankful for finding the truth when I did. Finding you when I did… and what it has led to. I have you by my side now and that is the only thing that matters to me.
