I Am Not Everyones Cup Of Tea
Saying that I am not everybody’s cup of tea is an understatement. The people that I get on with are few and far between but not for lack of trying.
I am not quite sure how people regard me but I know that I make them uncomfortable. I can see it in their behavior around me and in their faces whenever I speak my mind (which is all the time). Most people I have met seem to find my forwardness and candor disarming; which was never my intention at all. This is just how I am. I still try to be respectful and kind in my social interactions.
Yet I am still very much an outsider – They know it and I know it too. It is as though despite my sincerest efforts they still don’t see me as one of them and never will. I am also not referring to one group of people or a handful of instances either. This has been the case for me for as far back as I can remember… even as a child I was already branded a social outcast.
I have moved halfway across the world and reinvented myself more than once; but the one constant is that no matter whom or where I am, they find me strange. People are still awkward around me and it shows.
My social skills may have improved dramatically over the past few years, but it is still not enough. I still see the effects of my awkwardness in every social interaction I have and I believe it is holding me back.
Not that I have any desire to change myself for the sake of other people… I just need to get better at showing them only what I want them to see. Wearing my heart on my sleeve may have been a neat idea, but not all that practical in the greater scheme of things. Perhaps a staunch poker face will work in its place.
I never wanted it to come to this. I never wanted to have to hide in order to receive the same opportunities that others receive. Yet I fear what will happen if I don’t. I fear that I will keep on being overlooked for every opportunity that comes my way, simply because I don’t match the blueprints they expect.
I am not quite sure how people regard me but I know that I make them uncomfortable. I can see it in their behavior around me and in their faces whenever I speak my mind (which is all the time). Most people I have met seem to find my forwardness and candor disarming; which was never my intention at all. This is just how I am. I still try to be respectful and kind in my social interactions.
Yet I am still very much an outsider – They know it and I know it too. It is as though despite my sincerest efforts they still don’t see me as one of them and never will. I am also not referring to one group of people or a handful of instances either. This has been the case for me for as far back as I can remember… even as a child I was already branded a social outcast.
I have moved halfway across the world and reinvented myself more than once; but the one constant is that no matter whom or where I am, they find me strange. People are still awkward around me and it shows.
My social skills may have improved dramatically over the past few years, but it is still not enough. I still see the effects of my awkwardness in every social interaction I have and I believe it is holding me back.
Not that I have any desire to change myself for the sake of other people… I just need to get better at showing them only what I want them to see. Wearing my heart on my sleeve may have been a neat idea, but not all that practical in the greater scheme of things. Perhaps a staunch poker face will work in its place.
I never wanted it to come to this. I never wanted to have to hide in order to receive the same opportunities that others receive. Yet I fear what will happen if I don’t. I fear that I will keep on being overlooked for every opportunity that comes my way, simply because I don’t match the blueprints they expect.
