Cracking my code: Background processing caught exception
I have always been unstable enough to believe I can see the hidden strings of the universe and how it all connects in chaotic magnificence. I believe that I have glimpsed behind this curtain several times throughout the course of my life. It is always a horrifying and beautiful experience. I believe that I may have taken another peek at the other side this week.
What I found there was a version of myself. If there was ever a unique identifier of that version, the number has long since been defaced, but I know that it is not the version that is currently running. It is there for rollback purposes – as is the nature with the all the code we inherit from our parents… This version of me is not me, nor does not belong to me. It is an idea; held by my father and passed down to me through parenting. This is the person my father wants me to be, but I have seen her, even briefly lived as her, and that is not the instance I want. It is a very lonely life. One of great achievement and success, but devoid of love or life or anything that brings meaning to our existence.
Perhaps, at some point, this was also the life I wanted… but that is not the case anymore. I have worked damn hard to build up and refine the person you see before you today. I have created her with my own blood, sweat and tears. From the lowest of my lows to the peaks of my existence, every experience I have had has molded and shaped me into the version of myself that is currently active. I may go through several versions yet before my life comes to an end, but it is of vital importance to me that every bit of code in these products come from me and my mind alone. Even if I am flawed, even if I am weird, at least those imperfections belong to me and that makes is perfect.
Too many times I have caught on to snippets of programming from my father or my family slipping in and muddying the person I have become. Whenever this happens, I inevitably end up at odds with myself. This is not what I want either. I have no desire to reconcile myself with the perceptions of others on who I should be…
So, this week I looked into the dark recesses of my mind again, and I found her there. Waiting. Looming. I believe I caught a glimpse of the repercussions, should I let our configurations mix again, and it was a sobering experience. I cannot let that person become me… I will not. It will be the greatest tragedy of my life and one hell of a joke. The only solution I have come up with thus far is a good, old-fashioned deep-clean. Review the code and remove all the bugs; because as things stand now, the bugs are vast.
I will not let these faults in my system consume me. I will not let them consume you. I will eradicate them until no traces can be found. This is my promise to you, and the conclusion of the last post I left here for you. My background processing has returned this single, inescapable truth -- nothing is worth losing you. Even if I must completely redevelop the existing infrastructure, I will do so always, for you.
What I found there was a version of myself. If there was ever a unique identifier of that version, the number has long since been defaced, but I know that it is not the version that is currently running. It is there for rollback purposes – as is the nature with the all the code we inherit from our parents… This version of me is not me, nor does not belong to me. It is an idea; held by my father and passed down to me through parenting. This is the person my father wants me to be, but I have seen her, even briefly lived as her, and that is not the instance I want. It is a very lonely life. One of great achievement and success, but devoid of love or life or anything that brings meaning to our existence.
Perhaps, at some point, this was also the life I wanted… but that is not the case anymore. I have worked damn hard to build up and refine the person you see before you today. I have created her with my own blood, sweat and tears. From the lowest of my lows to the peaks of my existence, every experience I have had has molded and shaped me into the version of myself that is currently active. I may go through several versions yet before my life comes to an end, but it is of vital importance to me that every bit of code in these products come from me and my mind alone. Even if I am flawed, even if I am weird, at least those imperfections belong to me and that makes is perfect.
Too many times I have caught on to snippets of programming from my father or my family slipping in and muddying the person I have become. Whenever this happens, I inevitably end up at odds with myself. This is not what I want either. I have no desire to reconcile myself with the perceptions of others on who I should be…
So, this week I looked into the dark recesses of my mind again, and I found her there. Waiting. Looming. I believe I caught a glimpse of the repercussions, should I let our configurations mix again, and it was a sobering experience. I cannot let that person become me… I will not. It will be the greatest tragedy of my life and one hell of a joke. The only solution I have come up with thus far is a good, old-fashioned deep-clean. Review the code and remove all the bugs; because as things stand now, the bugs are vast.
I will not let these faults in my system consume me. I will not let them consume you. I will eradicate them until no traces can be found. This is my promise to you, and the conclusion of the last post I left here for you. My background processing has returned this single, inescapable truth -- nothing is worth losing you. Even if I must completely redevelop the existing infrastructure, I will do so always, for you.
