I Want to Be Understood By Just One Person
There are a great many reasons why I decided to open my EP account and start writing there. Some of those reasons I have shared with you over the years, some I have not. Today I will be elaborating on one of those reasons.
I was hoping that through all my posts, a picture of a person might start developing. Not necessarily the clearest picture, but a vague semblance perhaps. I wanted to be understood, even if just by one person. Perhaps then all my strange and seemingly insane decisions would make more sense. Perhaps then I would not feel so disconnected.
I didn’t share that reason before, because it made me feel ridiculous for wanting something like that. It comes across as ‘being up your own arse’, and I don’t want to be like that. It is not me… What makes my thoughts so important that they need to be understood anyway?
Regardless, I persisted, even after EP got shut down. I opened my SW profile, imported my EP stuff and continued painting my picture. By that time I had long since given up hope on this silly notion that someone would actually read what I have left there and identify with what I was trying to communicate. So I just kept posting for the myriad of other reasons I had, and I was content. Through EP and SW I found a respite from the drama of the world and a place to lay my thoughts bare.
Then you came along… Someone who was never supposed to find my profile or see the vulnerability I displayed there. That level of candor was reserved for people I don’t know IRL, that way my words would result in less fallout. But you tracked down and uncovered my truth. You peered behind the curtain and did not look away… you managed to understand the scattered thoughts I put forward. In that alone, you managed to give me something I had wanted for so long but gave up on. How remarkable is it then that you were right in front of me and by my side all along? That is why I told you that I have achieved the goal I opened my EP account with. I say that, because it led me here… to you. I was just looking in the wrong place, it seems.
With all this; I want to say thank you. Thank you for being the one person that understands me, and thank you for not judging. It is my hope that through all I do, I get to be the same for you. There is no one I would trust inside my mind other than you… I have no further desire or need for anyone else to know or understand me – only you. You are my everything, my love.
I was hoping that through all my posts, a picture of a person might start developing. Not necessarily the clearest picture, but a vague semblance perhaps. I wanted to be understood, even if just by one person. Perhaps then all my strange and seemingly insane decisions would make more sense. Perhaps then I would not feel so disconnected.
I didn’t share that reason before, because it made me feel ridiculous for wanting something like that. It comes across as ‘being up your own arse’, and I don’t want to be like that. It is not me… What makes my thoughts so important that they need to be understood anyway?
Regardless, I persisted, even after EP got shut down. I opened my SW profile, imported my EP stuff and continued painting my picture. By that time I had long since given up hope on this silly notion that someone would actually read what I have left there and identify with what I was trying to communicate. So I just kept posting for the myriad of other reasons I had, and I was content. Through EP and SW I found a respite from the drama of the world and a place to lay my thoughts bare.
Then you came along… Someone who was never supposed to find my profile or see the vulnerability I displayed there. That level of candor was reserved for people I don’t know IRL, that way my words would result in less fallout. But you tracked down and uncovered my truth. You peered behind the curtain and did not look away… you managed to understand the scattered thoughts I put forward. In that alone, you managed to give me something I had wanted for so long but gave up on. How remarkable is it then that you were right in front of me and by my side all along? That is why I told you that I have achieved the goal I opened my EP account with. I say that, because it led me here… to you. I was just looking in the wrong place, it seems.
With all this; I want to say thank you. Thank you for being the one person that understands me, and thank you for not judging. It is my hope that through all I do, I get to be the same for you. There is no one I would trust inside my mind other than you… I have no further desire or need for anyone else to know or understand me – only you. You are my everything, my love.
