The Ball Is In Her Court PINNEDSo, after not hearing from my girlfriend in nearly two weeks, and being that I owe her money, I was finally able to at least get the ball rolling with paying her off this morning. After I Zelle'd her the money I texted her simply to notify her that... See More »
We Spoke Last NightWe finally spoke last night. We were on the phone for over an hour and a half sorting through everything. I was right to assume my girlfriend wasn't speaking to me because after our last weekend together she, in a nutshell, was pissed off and... See More »
More Thoughts on My Anxiety Over the End of my World As I Knew ItI wrote about the possibility of my relationship ending, my girlfriend having not spoken to me since last Monday. The anxiety is getting worse to the point that it's absolutely affecting me physically. As I wrote on here two days ago, I owe her a... See More »
I Think It's OverI haven't written about my relationship with my girlfriend in a long time. I didn't want to be overly redundant, and since she stopped taking a particular medication that absolutely inflamed her insides, turning her into a very edgy person, things... See More »
I Tracked Down a Long-Lost FriendNot just any long-lost friend. I tracked down the very first friend I ever made in school. I was three. I was in special education for several years, starting here and he happened to be physically handicapped, relying on a walker at such a young... See More »
So, this is how it feels to be a phone salesman, huh?The title says it all. My boss invited me to help him with phone sales to gain more clients and increase our revenue. I'm two weeks in and I've never been hung up on as many times as I have until today. I've made fifteen calls, and most of those... See More »
Fear of Losing my RefugeSince I last wrote in here, I've begun to make money again. But unfortunately, there is a stark difference between making and HAVING money. And over the last two months I've struggled to pay my rent because of other things that arose. My landlord... See More »
Drowning and I can't Swim UpI don't know where to begin. I have no care in the world, and I don't even have the motivation to type. I'm tired all the time. I'm so broke I could only pay half of my rent this past week and owe my landlord the other half this Friday. I feel... See More »
A Peaceful WeekendI went to the beach by myself this past Saturday. I originally wanted to go with the girlfriend, who's been quite irritable as of late, but she made it clear on Wednesday that she wouldn't be available thanks to multiple office-related obligations.... See More »
Reflections, Pt.1For as long as I can remember, I've thought daily about the last nearly six years and the events that led me to where I am today. In six years, doors closed, my foundation was shaken, and new opportunities and relationships arose. It was October,... See More »
Medication Side EffectsSome of the side effects of the drug I'm currently on to tackle my brain tumor include depression and fatigue. I'm experiencing plenty of fatigue. I have so much work to do before 3 pm and I'm disassociating within a minute or two of performing a... See More »
Mending FencesA little bit of happy news for once. I took a huge step towards mending fences on Friday, one I never thought I'd take. I'd been trying to find the number to the current chief engineer of my former college radio station for four years. Every time... See More »
No desire, no ambitionSo much to accomplish, so little focus. So little concern. I'm sitting here with my laptop, over an hour to kill before I train my last client of the day. I "intended" to update client master sheets for my boss (I'm a personal trainer) so I can be... See More »
I've Had an AwakeningIt boiled over last week after weeks and months of feeling neglected by my partner of close to four years. After she was hit with the news that her company was being sold last June, she went into overdrive at her office, and into a panic at home due... See More »
Telling The TruthIt's something I truthfully do not want to do. It's a secret I wanted my parents to die never knowing. I know now, however, that I cannot hide this from them any longer. Before this month ends, I need to tell them that I'm autistic. I had a... See More »
What A Difference A Week MakesJust last week we were so happy to see each other for the first time since New Year's Day. And now I've made things incredibly awkward again. I just got off the phone with my partner of nearly four years. We'd spoken last night, and our... See More »
Panic and My Missing Outlet."I WANT TO PLAY DRUMS! I WANT TO PLAY DRUMS!!" This is exactly what I screamed at the top of my lungs while driving to work this morning, tears in my eyes, crying hysterically. I went to bed with an anxious sensation in my chest after I lost... See More »
I'm scared of the futureI made a very bold move nearly a month ago, going on a Leave of Absence from work. I declared long haul COVID symptoms, particularly memory loss, backed by a recent emergency room visit courtesy of my absent mindedly putting a power drill to my... See More »
You Had No Right To Do ThatMy biggest priority this past week was to be by your side, while you processed the loss of your third oldest brother, and the one you were undeniably closest to. I predicted not too long ago, when his health started to truly fade, that it would hit... See More »
'Til I DieLife. It's nothing more to me right now than an existential nightmare. I'd do anything to check out now if I'd the opportunity. I feel lost, hopeless and, worst of all, as helpless as a child. I feel like I've been conditioned throughout my... See More »
Autism Diagnosis and the Job Hunt to FollowThis category selection is too broad. Anxious? More like scared shitless. It was back in March when I had a meltdown due largely to the rumblings at the time that all NYC educators would have to go back to work (which has since become reality).... See More »
Reminders Of My Lost InnocenceIt was Easter weekend when I begrudgingly spent the weekend at Mom's. She wanted me to help her clean out her attic, something I had already done not even three years ago. But I had a feeling she just wanted to pin me down, especially since what... See More »
If You Only Knew....If you only knew what I truly have in mind, you arrogant little cocksucker. You can gently bring the topic up, insult me as a man, or try to probe me about my private life all you want. While I'm grateful you don't probe me nearly as much as Mom,... See More »
I Had A DreamMy sweet little girl, I dreamed about you last night. There you were, that tiny adorable ball of black fur, with those big, beautiful eyes. I couldn't stop scratching your head, watching as you twisted and turned with every move my hand made.... See More »
I Had a Strange Phone Call...and the only reason I label it as strange is because you never ask to talk on the phone. Ever. But the strangest part, I'd say, is the fact that I actually dreamed about you and your baby daddy just this morning. You both were with me in my... See More »
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