...And Now For A Different Take... PINNEDI just came back from much better gym day this morning compared to Saturday, where I was tired and very lazy. I thought it was depression from what happened days prior but I realized now that it was something else. It's true what they say about... See More »
Harvest Moon This is what I had in mind for this past weekend with her in order to celebrate seven years since I met her. Tomorrow marks a week since I lost her and while I'm trying to snap out of it, the depression is heavier than I'd feared. (1)
I Had A Violent MeltdownI was hoping that yesterday would've been my day to decompress after the week I had. Not just because of losing my girlfriend, but because business has been slow to pick back up. Most of it has resumed, thankfully. My mother wanted to drop by and... See More »
You Won't WinI've been down for days. Anxious, depressed, as frightened and as helpless as a young child. That's what happens when you find the love of your life while you're at your most vulnerable and then she rips your heart out. But this morning I made the... See More »
Back To The Body Pillow TonightIt's Friday night. I'd normally be at her place already, or maybe she'd be on her way to me. And since this Sunday, the 7th anniversary of the night we met, is going to apparently be riddled with more rain, I was hoping to take her out to celebrate... See More »
Two Days LaterIt's close to 48 hours since my heart was ripped out of my chest and my whole world was burned to the ground. Still trying to pick up the pieces. Obviously, with not even two days having passed, that part will take plenty of time. For some reason... See More »
She Ended It...last night. Over the phone in a 21 minute tirade. She spent the conversation berating me, told me to take care of myself, and hung up. There's a lot to process still. This was on the heels of a weekend where right after I had a very... See More »
Where Are We?That title. That's what I'm about to ask her. Since I last wrote about the problems I've had with my girlfriend, I hardly heard from her or even saw her all summer. In short, she turned my opening up to her into a diatribe about needed to... See More »
Stonewalling? Maybe?It's been weeks since I heard from my girlfriend, who in real time shut down on me during a very uncomfortable conversation. I didn't hear from her for over a week, making me anxious and causing me to cry every day out of uncertainty. It wasn't... See More »
It's Been Nearly Two WeeksI haven't heard from her since we had a very uncomfortable conversation that I didn't expect to have that night. It wasn't malicious. I spoke about intimacy and how I miss it in our relationship. I was told I made her feel put on the spot and I do... See More »
Fear and UncertaintyIt's been three days now, since I opened up to my girlfriend in the heaviest fashion I ever have (see my last post). I haven't heard from her since. I woke up today and couldn't help but weep a lot. My autistic ass feels so helpless as I wait to... See More »
What Have I Done?That's what I asked myself this morning, while reflecting on what I did last night. I found myself having a talk with my girlfriend that I feared having for a few months now. Her libido is down, courtesy of Rheumatoid Arthritis, and has been for... See More »
Some EncouragementOne of my personal training clients is a foreign exchange student from Italy, who I began training a few months ago. She's so enthusiastic and dedicated. Shed told me that she wanted a stronger upper body. While training her yesterday, and since... See More »
Emotional DilemmaI've been with my girlfriend now for over six years, my longest relationship ever. We've had our ups and downs, some of which I've documented here. Neither of us are perfect, but medication she was taking for Rheumatoid Arthritis made her highly... See More »
More On Job TransitionsI recently spoke about stepping down from my administrative tasks at the company I'm a personal trainer for. I was burnt out from MASSIVE overload and honestly, I think I'm starting to emotionally check out. I no longer wish to eat, breathe and... See More »
Transitions and The Fears They BringI'd been in financial peril ever since I returned to work post-tumor surgery. I work as a personal trainer for a company that travels to people's homes and offices and I until today was in charge of sales. To supplement my income I'd gotten a... See More »
I'm At a CrossroadsIt was November when I had surgery to remove a Pituitary Adenoma from my brain. It was destroying me from the inside, gave me debilitating migraines, and had the potential to blind me. While I was recovering I was unable to work, as that involved... See More »
Alive AgainThat's how I feel this week. After not being in a gym since September, courtesy of tumor-induced migraines, I made my comeback on Monday morning at 4am. It was absolutely EMOTIONAL. I actually embraced my friend behind the counter and I cried in... See More »
Can It Get Any Worse?Really! I've been planting seeds and trying to rebuild my life post surgery because as I feared, everything literally fell apart while I was in recovery. Personal training clients either went away or decided they liked the guy replacing me better.... See More »
Update From My Last Post!I figured I should let this be known since my last post regarding loving the effects of Benadryl appeared to genuinely concern a few people. As of last night I am sleeping again WITHOUT the assistance Benadryl. My cough has dissipated enough at... See More »
Benadryl, My Unexpected New Friend.Since I've gone back to work following surgery, things have been slow. The GoFundMe money my ex put together is all gone as of a few days ago because of bills. And not all of my clients chose to come back, one guy straight up leaving me for the... See More »
Recovery from Surgery, PT. 2What a long journey it has been. It's now been eight weeks since I had a Pituitary Adenoma removed from my brain. It's been two weeks since my neurosurgeon medically cleared me to drive again and do most activities. In between those two times I... See More »
I'm in a panic!I literally can't think! My head feels stuck, it's FELT STUCK for weeks. I don't blame my recent brain surgery either. I'm at loss as to what to get my amazing girlfriend for Christmas, who has done SO MUCH for me in the last month plus while I've... See More »
Can I See You? Please?It's been over a year since I buried you. It's still traumatic to me. I never got to say goodbye and tell you what you meant to me in my life. But there might be hope(?). I go for surgery tomorrow to remove a pituitary tumor. I'll clearly be... See More »
A Beautiful Vacation...A Much Needed ResetIt's been over a week since I returned from a beautiful trip out west with my girlfriend, with whom I'd just patched things up. The trip, that was LARGELY orchestrated by her, was centered around exploring Roadside Americana all over the Lincoln... See More »
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