Emotional Dilemma
I've been with my girlfriend now for over six years, my longest relationship ever. We've had our ups and downs, some of which I've documented here. Neither of us are perfect, but medication she was taking for Rheumatoid Arthritis made her highly irritable for a few years. It was to the point that I legitimately felt bullied by her at times.
I knew it wasn't her fault, so I stayed silent.
After she was told to stop taking the meds, she was suddenly significantly less irritable because she was no longer inflamed. But her fatigue levels and her lack of desire for physical intimacy were still very prevalent.
And as time has gone on, her fatigue levels have gotten worse and worse. I just had a Pituitary Adenoma removed from my brain in November and my testosterone is seemingly coming back slowly but surely. I felt like we were totally mismatched, to the point that unresolved issues stemming back from when she was in her old meds are starting to boil to the surface.
I also began to get a little too close to a friend who runs a store in the small town I work in. The hugs became intense enough that I actually decided to stop going to her store before I did anything stupid and reckless. I've never cheated on my girlfriend. Never will.
I was taken by surprise when my normally distant girlfriend not only became closer to me during a recent trip we just took, but she was even willing to be physical with me. The trip was a lot more fun than I thought it would be and it felt so good to see shades of the girlfriend I used to know come back.
I feel at a crossroads. I don't know if this will last. I'm tired of feeling like I'm reaching for the cookie jar only to get my hand slapped, and I hate the parent-child dynamic that has occurred at times because of her illness. Part of me doesn't want to give up on us, especially after this past weekend. But another part of me feels like I want to live again, and that this other woman who I've unexpectedly bonded with over the last four years might be what I was looking for, and I think I deep down had feelings for her for a while. And I'm also positive she also developed feelings for me. Only she's not going to make the move since she's well aware I have a girlfriend. She's not that I'm ind of person, thankfully.
I have so many desires I need to fulfill yet I feel like life is passing me by. On the other hand I'm afraid of losing all the adventures my girlfriend and I have had since we met, all the amazing things we've done. She reminded me of how to live after the death of my brother. I'm afraid of hurting either of them.
I knew it wasn't her fault, so I stayed silent.
After she was told to stop taking the meds, she was suddenly significantly less irritable because she was no longer inflamed. But her fatigue levels and her lack of desire for physical intimacy were still very prevalent.
And as time has gone on, her fatigue levels have gotten worse and worse. I just had a Pituitary Adenoma removed from my brain in November and my testosterone is seemingly coming back slowly but surely. I felt like we were totally mismatched, to the point that unresolved issues stemming back from when she was in her old meds are starting to boil to the surface.
I also began to get a little too close to a friend who runs a store in the small town I work in. The hugs became intense enough that I actually decided to stop going to her store before I did anything stupid and reckless. I've never cheated on my girlfriend. Never will.
I was taken by surprise when my normally distant girlfriend not only became closer to me during a recent trip we just took, but she was even willing to be physical with me. The trip was a lot more fun than I thought it would be and it felt so good to see shades of the girlfriend I used to know come back.
I feel at a crossroads. I don't know if this will last. I'm tired of feeling like I'm reaching for the cookie jar only to get my hand slapped, and I hate the parent-child dynamic that has occurred at times because of her illness. Part of me doesn't want to give up on us, especially after this past weekend. But another part of me feels like I want to live again, and that this other woman who I've unexpectedly bonded with over the last four years might be what I was looking for, and I think I deep down had feelings for her for a while. And I'm also positive she also developed feelings for me. Only she's not going to make the move since she's well aware I have a girlfriend. She's not that I'm ind of person, thankfully.
I have so many desires I need to fulfill yet I feel like life is passing me by. On the other hand I'm afraid of losing all the adventures my girlfriend and I have had since we met, all the amazing things we've done. She reminded me of how to live after the death of my brother. I'm afraid of hurting either of them.
