Fear of Losing my Refuge
Since I last wrote in here, I've begun to make money again. But unfortunately, there is a stark difference between making and HAVING money. And over the last two months I've struggled to pay my rent because of other things that arose. My landlord just came back earlier than I thought he would from an overseas vacation (I misread his letter and thought he was coming back next Wednesday). Yesterday he asked for the check.
I called him up immediately to tell him I'd have it by Friday, and I apologized for the delay. He then very gently warned me that he would increase my rent for the first time in four years should this persist. He very gently told me that while I'm a good tenant, I can't keep doing this to him. And he's right. For context, I began paying my landlord half the rent one week and the other half the next week starting in January. As previously stated, I've lived here for close to six years and he only increased the rent on me ONE TIME and that was in four years ago. I'm scared of losing everything.
My schedule is so erratic that it's impossible for me to acquire a secondary job. My boss at my job gave me a secondary position in our company with does help me make more money, thankfully. But even with making money again I feel like I'm drowning. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I actually asked my boss what value he sees in me because he saw me shaking and he asked me if I was ok. I was that incapable to keep my emotions in check.
He told me that while I'm not that great with keeping administrative work up to date (I can't deny that), in my new role, he sees a lot of potential in me. I also brought up the fact that a lot of us haven't seen a raise in years, and while he's got a LOT on his plate, some of us (not me) have families and the cost of living right about now is atrocious.
Between my phone call with my landlord and me spilling my guts out to my boss of all people, I cried like a baby in my car after I left to train my clients. Training my clients was a much-needed distraction without question. But the anxiety came back this morning after I finished up in the gym.
I called him up immediately to tell him I'd have it by Friday, and I apologized for the delay. He then very gently warned me that he would increase my rent for the first time in four years should this persist. He very gently told me that while I'm a good tenant, I can't keep doing this to him. And he's right. For context, I began paying my landlord half the rent one week and the other half the next week starting in January. As previously stated, I've lived here for close to six years and he only increased the rent on me ONE TIME and that was in four years ago. I'm scared of losing everything.
My schedule is so erratic that it's impossible for me to acquire a secondary job. My boss at my job gave me a secondary position in our company with does help me make more money, thankfully. But even with making money again I feel like I'm drowning. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I actually asked my boss what value he sees in me because he saw me shaking and he asked me if I was ok. I was that incapable to keep my emotions in check.
He told me that while I'm not that great with keeping administrative work up to date (I can't deny that), in my new role, he sees a lot of potential in me. I also brought up the fact that a lot of us haven't seen a raise in years, and while he's got a LOT on his plate, some of us (not me) have families and the cost of living right about now is atrocious.
Between my phone call with my landlord and me spilling my guts out to my boss of all people, I cried like a baby in my car after I left to train my clients. Training my clients was a much-needed distraction without question. But the anxiety came back this morning after I finished up in the gym.
