We Spoke Last Night
We finally spoke last night. We were on the phone for over an hour and a half sorting through everything.
I was right to assume my girlfriend wasn't speaking to me because after our last weekend together she, in a nutshell, was pissed off and feeling very much disrespected. She told me that she knew that if she spoke to me while angry she'd say things that she'd never be able to take back.
After telling me every grievance she had with me, including telling me that I've become self centered and not in touch with life, she told me that she loves me to death, I'm still the sweetest man she's ever known, but she doesn't know where to go from here.
I could've said so many things, but I chose to just listen and tell her to just tell me what she wanted. I can only say I'm sorry or explain myself so many times. And I didn't want to go the "I know you are but what am I" route either. Her response? "To be happy". When I asked her if that included me or not, she said that it's entirely up to me.
I finally opened up about the stressors in my life including the sudden increase in debts, to owing her money (which I did start paying off two days ago!) to the knowledge that I'm probably going to have to have surgery to have a benign tumor removed from my brain and I don't get paid unless I work, and that it's all been weighing down on me. I didn't want to dump all my problems on her, therefore I bottled it up.
Her response, surprisingly, was that maybe I should let some of these feelings out so she at least understands what's happening with me. She told me that in the same way I tell her not to get lost on her own head, I should practice what I preach. That did mean a lot to me.
There's more in there. But in short, we're still together and I couldn't be more thrilled to have our next adventure, which will be this Thursday when we go away for four days, just on time for my birthday. And there's no one else I'd ever want to explore the world with than her, my everything, the center of my universe.
I was right to assume my girlfriend wasn't speaking to me because after our last weekend together she, in a nutshell, was pissed off and feeling very much disrespected. She told me that she knew that if she spoke to me while angry she'd say things that she'd never be able to take back.
After telling me every grievance she had with me, including telling me that I've become self centered and not in touch with life, she told me that she loves me to death, I'm still the sweetest man she's ever known, but she doesn't know where to go from here.
I could've said so many things, but I chose to just listen and tell her to just tell me what she wanted. I can only say I'm sorry or explain myself so many times. And I didn't want to go the "I know you are but what am I" route either. Her response? "To be happy". When I asked her if that included me or not, she said that it's entirely up to me.
I finally opened up about the stressors in my life including the sudden increase in debts, to owing her money (which I did start paying off two days ago!) to the knowledge that I'm probably going to have to have surgery to have a benign tumor removed from my brain and I don't get paid unless I work, and that it's all been weighing down on me. I didn't want to dump all my problems on her, therefore I bottled it up.
Her response, surprisingly, was that maybe I should let some of these feelings out so she at least understands what's happening with me. She told me that in the same way I tell her not to get lost on her own head, I should practice what I preach. That did mean a lot to me.
There's more in there. But in short, we're still together and I couldn't be more thrilled to have our next adventure, which will be this Thursday when we go away for four days, just on time for my birthday. And there's no one else I'd ever want to explore the world with than her, my everything, the center of my universe.
