Fear and Uncertainty
It's been three days now, since I opened up to my girlfriend in the heaviest fashion I ever have (see my last post). I haven't heard from her since. I woke up today and couldn't help but weep a lot. My autistic ass feels so helpless as I wait to find out what happens next.
I spent all day home. It was so strange, not being with her, going out for ice cream, or driving around aimlessly. I was reminded of her last night when I spotted fireflies in front of my house. She loves fireflies. Just last month we were watching the sun setting from her front patio, with a few fireflies in sight.
I thought about that today, wondering if my opening up my heart to her cost me everything. I love her and I don't want to lose her or the life we made together. The only one I ever felt completely safe around.
I spent a good portion of today reflecting on what I could've done better with the criticisms she gave me in rebuttal to what I said to her. All of her criticisms were valid. Amazing how I can't seem to think past certain point until it's too late.
I hate that about myself, as I feel it's cost me so much in my life . But now I'm in danger of losing the woman who not only makes me feel the safest, but my best friend, my snuggle buddy, my partner in crime, my partner in adventure.
No, this isn't the first time I felt like I was in danger of losing her. But this time feels worse than last time.
I spent all day home. It was so strange, not being with her, going out for ice cream, or driving around aimlessly. I was reminded of her last night when I spotted fireflies in front of my house. She loves fireflies. Just last month we were watching the sun setting from her front patio, with a few fireflies in sight.
I thought about that today, wondering if my opening up my heart to her cost me everything. I love her and I don't want to lose her or the life we made together. The only one I ever felt completely safe around.
I spent a good portion of today reflecting on what I could've done better with the criticisms she gave me in rebuttal to what I said to her. All of her criticisms were valid. Amazing how I can't seem to think past certain point until it's too late.
I hate that about myself, as I feel it's cost me so much in my life . But now I'm in danger of losing the woman who not only makes me feel the safest, but my best friend, my snuggle buddy, my partner in crime, my partner in adventure.
No, this isn't the first time I felt like I was in danger of losing her. But this time feels worse than last time.
