IanAll · M
You seem like a very descent & fair person, I’m going through a situation with my brother, he fucks his family over and acts like nothing happened. I just except that’s who he is but I don’t forgive him and don’t believe I should as it teaches me to be weary of him and keep my guard up.
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4meAndyou · F
@IanAll I think the people who have been harmed by the actions of that individual should decide whether or not to hold them accountable.
When push comes to shove, it is not WE who are judge and jury of the actions of others, but God Himself who will judge and decide what their fate will be.
We might feel angry...and we might actually believe that there should be an accounting...but the only accounting you deserve is for that which was done directly to YOU...and the knowledge that God will dispose.
When push comes to shove, it is not WE who are judge and jury of the actions of others, but God Himself who will judge and decide what their fate will be.
We might feel angry...and we might actually believe that there should be an accounting...but the only accounting you deserve is for that which was done directly to YOU...and the knowledge that God will dispose.
Love is the key, we must forgive or love is suffocated in our hearts, paving way to bitterness and hatred. We should forgive so that other persons can also experience that love which all comes from God. We must forgive or we won't be forgiven by our Heavenly Father who created us to love Him and one another, forgiveness is all about love without expectation, and to be truly free unharmed by the arrows dipped in the poison of malice.
No. Not at all. You just still have hurt feelings and scars and hurt feelings brings up the memories. Those will get better as you pray and go along. You're still healing and that's why you're still feeling the hurt. That's different than forgiving. You've already done that so you're good with that. Try to keep your mind off of that so it doesn't hurt so much. You have great hobbies and it would be good to take them up again if you have not done them in a long time. Also I have a favorite movie that you would really love that would take your mind off of things like that if you would like to watch it. It is called Jesus of Nazareth.
kodiac · 22-25, M
To me your forgiveness from god shouldn't be based on what someone else did .That's adding insult to injury . As others have said your god knows what's in you heart. I view forgiveness in a different light , i don't believe my healing depends on me forgiving my abusers it's a choice i make . To me saying i forgive them means that i somehow understand what the did or that it really wasn't that bad .But i don't understand and it was that bad .i had no power during the abuse but i do have power over forgiveness. I'd rather feel like you and be able to forgive, but the child in me still hurts .Edit to add not only did they steal my innocence and childhood they also stold my faith probably the worst crime of all
4meAndyou · F
@kodiac You poor, poor kid. You were actually assaulted by the embodiment of evil. You turned against God because no one saved you from the evil.
Understanding God is almost impossible. But I do know this...God allowed the devil to have dominion over the earth and all earthly things after Adam and Eve disobeyed Him.
Therefore evil things can happen.
God's promise to us, is that He will send His comforter to comfort us in our despair...the Holy Spirit.
If you open your heart to the light, the evil will no longer have any power over you.
Understanding God is almost impossible. But I do know this...God allowed the devil to have dominion over the earth and all earthly things after Adam and Eve disobeyed Him.
Therefore evil things can happen.
God's promise to us, is that He will send His comforter to comfort us in our despair...the Holy Spirit.
If you open your heart to the light, the evil will no longer have any power over you.
Lushiro · M
@kodiac Jesus loves you beyond human literation. He would relive His Incarnation and endure the entirety of His Sufferings an unlimited amount of times in order to save you, without hesitation, for you alone if the Father would permitted. He would recreate the universe all over again just to hear you say that you love Him.
bowman81 · M
No, you aren't supposed to forget. Self preservation dictates that you learn and remember valuable lessons. Those you shouldn't and probably can't forget.
My mother was a product of her generation and upbringing. She did some good things and some things that were just awful. I have no doubt she thought she was doing right. I won't forget but I can forgive. She is gone now and I just don't have the room in my head to let her live there now. I keep the lessons if for no other reason than to remind me how not to treat my children.
My mother was a product of her generation and upbringing. She did some good things and some things that were just awful. I have no doubt she thought she was doing right. I won't forget but I can forgive. She is gone now and I just don't have the room in my head to let her live there now. I keep the lessons if for no other reason than to remind me how not to treat my children.
DogMan · 61-69, M
It all has to do with your thoughts. If you are only thinking good thoughts about that person, then you
have forgiven them.
It sounds like maybe the person took advantage of your good nature. This happens to a lot of people.
Don't let it reflect on you. People are different, accept it and move on. Think happy, good thoughts
all day every day, and happy good things will come your way.
Unfortunately, it works the other way too. Think bad thoughts, and bad things follow. Have you ever
wondered why bad things continuously happen to bad people?
You have to feel the good stuff, and have faith in yourself and the universe. If you think about the good
life all day everyday, it will come to you.
It's kind of like praying, but you don't have to be religious to do it. All religions work within the same
principle. You think ( pray ) about abundance, happiness, etc... Believe that you can have it all,
and it will be brought to you.
Think about failure and loss, and it also will happen. It's a matter of constantly pushing out bad
thoughts and replacing them with good thoughts. Sometimes it's harder than others. You have to
consistently work at it.
have forgiven them.
It sounds like maybe the person took advantage of your good nature. This happens to a lot of people.
Don't let it reflect on you. People are different, accept it and move on. Think happy, good thoughts
all day every day, and happy good things will come your way.
Unfortunately, it works the other way too. Think bad thoughts, and bad things follow. Have you ever
wondered why bad things continuously happen to bad people?
You have to feel the good stuff, and have faith in yourself and the universe. If you think about the good
life all day everyday, it will come to you.
It's kind of like praying, but you don't have to be religious to do it. All religions work within the same
principle. You think ( pray ) about abundance, happiness, etc... Believe that you can have it all,
and it will be brought to you.
Think about failure and loss, and it also will happen. It's a matter of constantly pushing out bad
thoughts and replacing them with good thoughts. Sometimes it's harder than others. You have to
consistently work at it.
DogMan · 61-69, M
@4meAndyou OH yeah! you need thick skin. Just look at it as it is. It's usually a faceless, nameless, nobody.
No reason to EVER take anything to heart that you don't want to. Sometimes I post stuff just to see how hard I
am attacked, then I laugh it off.
You and I are about the only people on SW with actual pictures of ourselves.
That puts us in the top 1% of brave people, remember that.
No reason to EVER take anything to heart that you don't want to. Sometimes I post stuff just to see how hard I
am attacked, then I laugh it off.
You and I are about the only people on SW with actual pictures of ourselves.
That puts us in the top 1% of brave people, remember that.
daydeeo · 61-69, M
You'll probably never forget all the things she did, but I wouldnt talk about them - that just gives them added life. Let them fade away.
I have found deliverance from past injuries by remembering how much God has forgiven me. I think of that and realize how little right I have to hold anything against anyone else.
Hope this helps. ❤🙏💪
I have found deliverance from past injuries by remembering how much God has forgiven me. I think of that and realize how little right I have to hold anything against anyone else.
Hope this helps. ❤🙏💪
4meAndyou · F
@daydeeo I sort of remember that from my very early Catholic upbringing. We were told not to speak of our ill feelings toward others. We were told it was a sin. Of course, if you never speak of those things, they will sit inside you and percolate...till they explode someday.
I will, in future, however...TRY to restrain my spiteful re-tellings of all the things my mother did...and I will TRY to let them fade away.
I will, in future, however...TRY to restrain my spiteful re-tellings of all the things my mother did...and I will TRY to let them fade away.
daydeeo · 61-69, M
@4meAndyou I don't buy that "need to vent" theory. I believe it does more harm than good. How many times has a person "vented" and done irreparable harm?
Those old offenses will come up in your thoughts every so often, but you don't have to let them "percolate". It's true that you can't stop a bird from flyng over your head, but you don't have to let it build a nest in your hair!
Those old offenses will come up in your thoughts every so often, but you don't have to let them "percolate". It's true that you can't stop a bird from flyng over your head, but you don't have to let it build a nest in your hair!
BrandNewMan · M
I forgave my wife for some things she did. I am still divorcing her.
She still takes no responsibility for her actions and will not alter other behaviors three different marriage counselors told her were problematic.
Forgiving the past is one thing .. doesn't mean I have to sign on for more of the same.
She still takes no responsibility for her actions and will not alter other behaviors three different marriage counselors told her were problematic.
Forgiving the past is one thing .. doesn't mean I have to sign on for more of the same.
4meAndyou · F
@BrandNewMan I was forced to attend my son's wedding with TWO of my ex's. My son's father was on the far side of the room, and his step-father was at the central table. I was not seated near either of them.
My son's father sought me out to try to make me jealous, or upset me...but I was a long way past caring about what he said or did by that time, so it was laughable.
My son's father sought me out to try to make me jealous, or upset me...but I was a long way past caring about what he said or did by that time, so it was laughable.
ABCDEF7 · M
If forgiving/forgetting is not beneficial for either you, them or anyone in this world, don't forgive/forget.
When you think you have forgiven someone but not able to forget. Is that you have not completely forgiven them? The answer is yes, in a way. It should lose its important for you when you have truly forgiven, and that helps you release the easily recallable space in your memory. You may have moved forward from it, but you are carrying it with you in your memory. Forgiveness is not for them, it's for you to stop carrying the burden of those experiences along with you in your life ahead. If you recall that experience and tell others about it, even if you don't experience that pain again, you are at least wasting the time of your life that you could have enjoyed in some other way.
Feelings the guilt and repentance is for the person who did the wrong, forgiving and forgetting is for the victim, and punishment is for the society.
When you think you have forgiven someone but not able to forget. Is that you have not completely forgiven them? The answer is yes, in a way. It should lose its important for you when you have truly forgiven, and that helps you release the easily recallable space in your memory. You may have moved forward from it, but you are carrying it with you in your memory. Forgiveness is not for them, it's for you to stop carrying the burden of those experiences along with you in your life ahead. If you recall that experience and tell others about it, even if you don't experience that pain again, you are at least wasting the time of your life that you could have enjoyed in some other way.
Feelings the guilt and repentance is for the person who did the wrong, forgiving and forgetting is for the victim, and punishment is for the society.
cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
@4meAndyou I think you are inflamed. I figured out a long time ago if I have inflammation flaring up in my body that I have nightmares and a lot of times (but not always) it includes people that I have had a hard time with. The most interesting time was when I started dreaming that my neighbor across the street had a house fire. I woke up feeling acid coming up from my stomach into my throat. Lately if I have a nightmare it’s about working at the university but sometimes have different people than I worked with as supervisors. That’s kind of weird.
MentalDisturbance · 36-40
I’m not sure why we’re still t concerned about forgiving people. They meant what they did when they took their actions against us. Why not just understand their intentions behind why they did those things instead and just know they most likely aren’t capable of doing different.
Not all care to try to correct their ways as they don’t see anything wrong with how they are. It’s literally more ingrained in some persons-‘persons’ natures to be more traumatizing by way of psychopathic tendencies. Deeper end of the narcissistic spectrum, sociopathy. The dark triad in psychology explains this better.
You know the saying ‘they know not what they do?’ It’s a biblical statement meaning just that. Only it’s not really true. Basically you know enough to hurt someone and where it hurts them and you get your gratification from that. To fill your own self conceited self constrained and self damaging self interests and your whole century is based off that.
You know and you don’t simultaneously. You know what you did and you don’t know how exactly what you immediately do to yourself regardless of you acknowledging that or not. Or pretending it doesn’t affect you negatively and it absolutely does. The gun you point at there to shoot them you shoot yourself first then them.
The nature of the beast literally won’t have it any other way no matter how convincing it is that you don’t pay for your part in inflicting pain. No matter who you are. Ever. It always immediately impacts you and you’ll get the repercussions of that indefinitely now and later, depending on what degree you take this to. And it can be more damaging then due to the accumulation of all you’ve done.
It could be that those who don’t believe in karma are the very ones are the biggest culprits in making others pay for their delusions and deferring responsibility on to others. But… times are different now, and there is a catch up effect taking place, it’s only going to get more pronounced.
Not all care to try to correct their ways as they don’t see anything wrong with how they are. It’s literally more ingrained in some persons-‘persons’ natures to be more traumatizing by way of psychopathic tendencies. Deeper end of the narcissistic spectrum, sociopathy. The dark triad in psychology explains this better.
You know the saying ‘they know not what they do?’ It’s a biblical statement meaning just that. Only it’s not really true. Basically you know enough to hurt someone and where it hurts them and you get your gratification from that. To fill your own self conceited self constrained and self damaging self interests and your whole century is based off that.
You know and you don’t simultaneously. You know what you did and you don’t know how exactly what you immediately do to yourself regardless of you acknowledging that or not. Or pretending it doesn’t affect you negatively and it absolutely does. The gun you point at there to shoot them you shoot yourself first then them.
The nature of the beast literally won’t have it any other way no matter how convincing it is that you don’t pay for your part in inflicting pain. No matter who you are. Ever. It always immediately impacts you and you’ll get the repercussions of that indefinitely now and later, depending on what degree you take this to. And it can be more damaging then due to the accumulation of all you’ve done.
It could be that those who don’t believe in karma are the very ones are the biggest culprits in making others pay for their delusions and deferring responsibility on to others. But… times are different now, and there is a catch up effect taking place, it’s only going to get more pronounced.
Fishy · 36-40, F
It doesn't mean you don't forgive her,
But just that you're trying to deal with the emotional injuries she left.
It's like if someone stomps on your foot,
And then is sorry about it later and you forgive them.
Sure, you forgive them, but you still gotta deal with the pain in your foot
But just that you're trying to deal with the emotional injuries she left.
It's like if someone stomps on your foot,
And then is sorry about it later and you forgive them.
Sure, you forgive them, but you still gotta deal with the pain in your foot
updown2020 · 61-69, M
4meAndyou · F
@updown2020 I would never dream of letting either of them win...🤣🤣🤣. I just feel guilty when I complain about the things they have done. As though I am holding on to resentment...and therefore I don't FULLY forgive. But I have definitely tried to move on.
4meAndyou · F
@updown2020 I think of myself as a survivor OF former victimhood.
jackrabbit10 · M
4meAndyou · F
@jackrabbit10 Thank you!
Fillingthevoid · 46-50, M
BizSuitStacy · M