Struggling to understand the full mechanics of forgiving people: would like outside opinions.

Not actively angry anymore...Check!
I understand their childhood, their upbringing, and I understand WHY they were the way they were...Check!
If that person were alive today, I would hug them...Check.
WHILE that person was alive I bent over backwards to take awesome care of her...Check!

But I am still struggling to forget. I don't forget all the things she did, and I tell stories about what she did.

Does that mean that on some level, I don't forgive her?

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BrandNewMan · M

I forgave my wife for some things she did. I am still divorcing her.

She still takes no responsibility for her actions and will not alter other behaviors three different marriage counselors told her were problematic.

Forgiving the past is one thing .. doesn't mean I have to sign on for more of the same.

4meAndyou · F

@BrandNewMan Nor should you. Toxic people abound in this world, but we should not attempt to live with them. Put lots of distance between the two of you, and after the divorce, don't communicate. I have found that to be best, personally.

BrandNewMan · M

@4meAndyou Damn skippy. ;-)

Looks like we'll be several hundred miles apart, if not more at times. I'll only ever see her for life events of our kids/their families .. which I don't intend to miss.

4meAndyou · F

@BrandNewMan I was forced to attend my son's wedding with TWO of my ex's. My son's father was on the far side of the room, and his step-father was at the central table. I was not seated near either of them.

My son's father sought me out to try to make me jealous, or upset me...but I was a long way past caring about what he said or did by that time, so it was laughable.