Struggling to understand the full mechanics of forgiving people: would like outside opinions.

Not actively angry anymore...Check!
I understand their childhood, their upbringing, and I understand WHY they were the way they were...Check!
If that person were alive today, I would hug them...Check.
WHILE that person was alive I bent over backwards to take awesome care of her...Check!

But I am still struggling to forget. I don't forget all the things she did, and I tell stories about what she did.

Does that mean that on some level, I don't forgive her?

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DogMan · 61-69, M

It all has to do with your thoughts. If you are only thinking good thoughts about that person, then you
have forgiven them.

It sounds like maybe the person took advantage of your good nature. This happens to a lot of people.

Don't let it reflect on you. People are different, accept it and move on. Think happy, good thoughts
all day every day, and happy good things will come your way.

Unfortunately, it works the other way too. Think bad thoughts, and bad things follow. Have you ever
wondered why bad things continuously happen to bad people?

You have to feel the good stuff, and have faith in yourself and the universe. If you think about the good
life all day everyday, it will come to you.

It's kind of like praying, but you don't have to be religious to do it. All religions work within the same
principle. You think ( pray ) about abundance, happiness, etc... Believe that you can have it all,
and it will be brought to you.

Think about failure and loss, and it also will happen. It's a matter of constantly pushing out bad
thoughts and replacing them with good thoughts. Sometimes it's harder than others. You have to
consistently work at it.

4meAndyou · F

@DogMan I read that book in book club once. This person I am struggling to forgive was my mother. My past with her won't let go entirely.

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4meAndyou · F

@DogMan SO many people here have mother's who were that terrible...and some of them were worse. I suppose, in retrospect, I was very lucky!

DogMan · 61-69, M

@4meAndyou I think we will see a lot more of it in the future.

4meAndyou · F

@DogMan Gosh. I sure hope not. People are REALLY suffering and don't even know HOW to let go of the pain.

DogMan · 61-69, M

@4meAndyou There are some good books out there. You have to change your way of thinking about it.

I have a feeling it is the constant "Thinking" about it, right? You have to work on pushing out bad, destructive
thinking. You are the captain of your ship, only YOU decides what to think about every day. You have to
STOP thinking about things that make you sad. It does no good for you or anyone else.

4meAndyou · F

@DogMan Sometimes it's SW questions that trigger my responses. I have to learn to squelch that down.

DogMan · 61-69, M

@4meAndyou OH yeah! you need thick skin. Just look at it as it is. It's usually a faceless, nameless, nobody.

No reason to EVER take anything to heart that you don't want to. Sometimes I post stuff just to see how hard I
am attacked, then I laugh it off.

You and I are about the only people on SW with actual pictures of ourselves.

That puts us in the top 1% of brave people, remember that.

4meAndyou · F

@DogMan Yes, I suppose "brave" is something to strive for...as long as we are not "foolishly brave".

DogMan · 61-69, M

@4meAndyou Nahh, just braver than most. 😉 Have a great day, I'm on my way to a jobsite to address some
problems.