Struggling to understand the full mechanics of forgiving people: would like outside opinions.

Not actively angry anymore...Check!
I understand their childhood, their upbringing, and I understand WHY they were the way they were...Check!
If that person were alive today, I would hug them...Check.
WHILE that person was alive I bent over backwards to take awesome care of her...Check!

But I am still struggling to forget. I don't forget all the things she did, and I tell stories about what she did.

Does that mean that on some level, I don't forgive her?

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ABCDEF7 · M

If forgiving/forgetting is not beneficial for either you, them or anyone in this world, don't forgive/forget.

When you think you have forgiven but not able to forget, is that you have not completely forgiven them? The answer is yes, in a way. It should lose its important for you when you truly forgiven, and that helps you release the easily recallable space in your memory. You may have moved forward from it, but you are carrying it with you in your memory. Forgiveness is not for them, it's for you to stop carrying the burden of those experiences along with you in your life ahead. If you recall that experience and tell others about it, even if you don't experience that pain again, you are atleast wasting the time of your life that you could have enjoyed in some other way.

Feelings the guilt and repentance is for the person who did the wrong, forgiving and forgetting is for the victim, punishment is for the society.