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Struggling to understand the full mechanics of forgiving people: would like outside opinions.

Not actively angry anymore...Check!
I understand their childhood, their upbringing, and I understand WHY they were the way they were...Check!
If that person were alive today, I would hug them...Check.
WHILE that person was alive I bent over backwards to take awesome care of her...Check!

But I am still struggling to forget. I don't forget all the things she did, and I tell stories about what she did.

Does that mean that on some level, I don't forgive her?
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updown2020 · 61-69, M
Well in short if you do not forgive you let them win and that should never happen. Life is unfair sometimes you can complain about it or take the high road and move on it all up to you .
4meAndyou · F
@updown2020 I would never dream of letting either of them win...🤣🤣🤣. I just feel guilty when I complain about the things they have done. As though I am holding on to resentment...and therefore I don't FULLY forgive. But I have definitely tried to move on.
updown2020 · 61-69, M
@4meAndyou do you want to be a victim all your live or a survivor?
4meAndyou · F
@updown2020 I think of myself as a survivor OF former victimhood.