Struggling to understand the full mechanics of forgiving people: would like outside opinions.

Not actively angry anymore...Check!
I understand their childhood, their upbringing, and I understand WHY they were the way they were...Check!
If that person were alive today, I would hug them...Check.
WHILE that person was alive I bent over backwards to take awesome care of her...Check!

But I am still struggling to forget. I don't forget all the things she did, and I tell stories about what she did.

Does that mean that on some level, I don't forgive her?

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daydeeo · 61-69, M

You'll probably never forget all the things she did, but I wouldnt talk about them - that just gives them added life. Let them fade away.
I have found deliverance from past injuries by remembering how much God has forgiven me. I think of that and realize how little right I have to hold anything against anyone else.
Hope this helps. ❤🙏💪

4meAndyou · F

@daydeeo I sort of remember that from my very early Catholic upbringing. We were told not to speak of our ill feelings toward others. We were told it was a sin. Of course, if you never speak of those things, they will sit inside you and percolate...till they explode someday.

I will, in future, however...TRY to restrain my spiteful re-tellings of all the things my mother did...and I will TRY to let them fade away.

daydeeo · 61-69, M

@4meAndyou I don't buy that "need to vent" theory. I believe it does more harm than good. How many times has a person "vented" and done irreparable harm?
Those old offenses will come up in your thoughts every so often, but you don't have to let them "percolate". It's true that you can't stop a bird from flyng over your head, but you don't have to let it build a nest in your hair!

4meAndyou · F

@daydeeo THAT's true...🤣🤣🤣