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What age did you realize your narcissistic parent/s were hypocrites, and when did you start rebelling because of that?

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F
I doubt everyone's shitty parents are narcissists. In my 20's I started to realise that my mom is not a good mom. And never will be. In my late 20's I finally accepted that and stopped trying to fix our relationship or change her.
S33K3R · 36-40, F
@Queendragonfly that's so true... The depth of our pain can never be recognized by those who had it good. I'm so happy you have your true family.

I thought I was building that family too, but I need to work on who I label as supportive apparently lol
Queendragonfly · 31-35, F
@S33K3R Thank you ❤️
It can take time to build up a support network. But so worth it.
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
@Queendragonfly hey, I’m a month late here but thanks for that. I really agree with you about that family part. I believed it so much that family should stick together too. It’s like you have to do things you don’t want to do because you’re family no matter what. I didn’t want to tell my mom about all her issues but I felt the need to because I thought it’s love. The problem with this woman is, she never listened to a word I said. I’m at the point where I’m like, fuck it, she can drive off a cliff if she wants to. It takes way too much effort to people who are trying to sabotage me and themselves. I am done talking to her.
SW-User
Probably around 1st grade. I'd seen enough of my family, neighbors and classmates' families to know that what was happening at our house wasn't normal. I didn't really rebel against it though.
SW-User
@S33K3R There are different levels of narcissism, for sure. It sounds as if your sister scores lower on that scale than my family... If she's aware and can control her actions and reactions to some extent, that's different from what I'm used to seeing. It's great that the 2 of you can get along!
S33K3R · 36-40, F
@SW-User oh no she has it bad... She can't really make friends she hates her boyfriend. She has lots of money so she is convinced she's happy.

She had done a lot to me and when she tried suing me I was just fed up. We didn't talk for 5 years and when she tried to get back into my life we talked about the past, she couldn't own her contribution. I left it at that and drew healthy boundaries.

We were trauma bonded as kids so it's good that we have the best friendship that's possible. I would prefer to never be around her again though. My siblings didn't understand for a long time, but my brother mentioned they're starting to see how I had those issues with her. Everyone took her side always. I was the black sheep. Hard life creates a strong soul though. 💗
SW-User
@S33K3R Oh wow. I guess I misunderstood when you said your sister had learned how to not be toxic. I've never met a narcissist who could control the abusive patterns. Anyhow, it's great that you know how to protect yourself. You don't need additional trauma from your sister, after dealing with your parents.
Benjr134 · M
At what age did I realize that my parents were fallible people and most likely are suffering from their own traumas and probably treated me the way they did because it was the best they could at that time? I was about 16. I still rebelled but I’m not going to stand there and throw stones at them no matter how bad they seemed when people most likely think the same thing about me.
Josh1454 · M
@Benjr134 agreed. I find so many people tearing apart their parents despite most of them just doing the best they can.
S33K3R · 36-40, F
@Josh1454 I know there's lots of different situations. I was able to reconnect with my parents even though they're toxic. I had to take years to build up myself to protect my happiness from their actions. I think the people who are angry are still learning things. Also, some parents have just done too much.
Lilymoon · F
I grew up fatherless and had a dysfunctional mother so Idk what to say
samueltyler2 · 80-89, M
@Lilymoon he has earned a special place in h aven, if there is such a thing.
S33K3R · 36-40, F
@Lilymoon I'm so happy for you, that's what people like us need... Someone to help us grow, you chose a good man for yourself 💗
Lilymoon · F
@samueltyler2 @S33K3R Yes I got lucky... he stuck by me thru thick and thin. thank you ♥️
sunsporter1649 · 70-79, M
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
At 18 I [b]started[/b] rebelling.

To be clear, my parents aren't narcissistic but my dad has borderline PD.

I'm sorry if you grew up with narcissistic parents.
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@S33K3R Oh, thank you. Not that I mind the compliment but what gave you the impression I'm growing?
S33K3R · 36-40, F
@SinlessOnslaught I feel you have a deeper self awareness than your peers. Mainly it's in the way you communicate and you seem to be attracted towards growth oriented conversation. Over the years your growth will compound and you'll begin to see the mountains you've climbed as I have seen for myself 💗
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@S33K3R Thank you 🥲
SubstantialKick · 31-35, M
I didn't even realize it until I was an adult in my mid 20s, a couple of years after my father passed away.
taneegoan · 31-35, F
I never feel that my parents are narcissistic or hypocrites ever in my life till time , but when I was 19 there was an incident happened with me in my life after that I started feel that they are really very much self enter upon there own advantages and even by knowing about the fact they closed there eyes upon me as they knew that use of mine can help them to live a better life as am already became a spoiled child for them
Sidewinder · 36-40, M
On the whole, my parents are neither narcissistic, nor hypocritical. But they're not without their moments, either. And for the most part, I was a pretty well-behaved and eager to please child in contrast to my sister who was the rebellious one until she started becoming a mother. I didn't develop a rebellious streak until I was 17 and even then it was only slight.
DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F
Way too late. I was already in my 20s before I started rebelling.
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
I started rebelling when I was a few years shy of turning 30. Though, it took me soooooo long to realize that my parents don’t have my best interests. I thought because they raised me up, clothed me, and fed me, that they loved me. No… I had a few hints here and there that was telling me they are, like my mom never listened to me, praised me, or any kind of emotional support. My dad treated me like a slave all my life. Both of them gaslighted me. I was blinded from being their son because I never thought any parent would ever sabotage their own kids for their own gains.

After many years of self-loathing and depression, I realized these people were digging me into a deeper hole day by day. They didn’t want the best for me from what they’ve done and said, so I started doing my own things. I am not as close to them as I was before, but I’m finally free of their control in my early 30s.
Montanaman · M
Once they died 😔💔
jademonkey19 · 41-45, T
Terraxia · 22-25, F
SW-User
I’ve always been a rebel, but I’ve forgiven them as they were victims of their own circumstances
DailyFlash · 56-60, M
They weren't narcissists but I started realizing they were very flawed when I was 11/12.
eventtemple123 · 22-25, M
I've kind of always known, but I spent years telling myself that they were just trying their best and were actually trying to help. I was 19 when I realized they actually were narcissists and doing more harm than good. I never rebelled; I just moved out as fast as possible, spend as little time with them as possible, and know that even though I am "welcome" to move back in, I will lose all of the sanity I finally regained since leaving.
Dshhh · M
I was lucky,, My Mom married a good man, who treated us well
my bio dad is a unrepenant monster

so,, neither!~
SW-User
My parents were largely absent and I was raised by au pairs.
Strongtea · 22-25, M
I never rebelled against my parents, I hate getting in trouble
Carissimi · 70-79, F
My late 40s, but it was a bit too late to rebel.
scooogy · 31-35, MVIP
How can you be a hypocrite with narcissism?
DunningKruger · 61-69, M
Did I ever think otherwise? I don't remember.
allygator18 · 22-25, F
They are narcissists hedonistic. I don't rebel, I joined them
ravenhill · 46-50, M
my parents are very noble people and i had a good upbringing.
SW-User
Wouldn't consider them that really
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
The day my mother chose her second husband over me and threw me into foster care, I was 16 1/2, I have hated her since, I am now 53, my Dad died when I was ten.
S33K3R · 36-40, F
@NativePortlander1970 I'm so sorry 💔 that must have been so hard on you at that age. I couldn't imagine.
@S33K3R Thank you, it showed me who, and what, my mother truly is.

 
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