Chemo, vs. nothing?

The wife's mother, when she contracted cancer the second time, refused treatment. She was a long time dying, mostly living in a nursing home because they could no longer care for her at home. From what I understand, she really wasn't interested in much of anything other than sleeping. Of course, she was never really interested in much of anything when she wasn't sick, so it's hard to tell.

I didn't see it myself, but I got the impression that her final months were pretty miserable for everyone.

The first time she had cancer, she did have treatment. It was harsh — both chemo and radiation — and it took a toll on her, but after a few months, she was cancer free and relatively healthy for several years before the cancer recurred.

A friend of the wife's also developed Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She had a lot of trouble tolerating the treatment. At one point, she came over to our house and just broke down crying like a baby because it hurt so much. It was hell for her for many months. Once she was done, though, the cancer was gone. That was almost 20 years ago, and she has been healthy and actually quite happy ever since.

It's an individual choice, and the results will vary because of the circumstances. It may be that the chemo won't do anything but extend your father's life a brief time and make him completely miserable for that time. It may be that it won't be so bad and he'll come out the other side pretty OK. Unfortunately, there's no way to know. It's something he's going to have to decide for himself. Whatever he decides to do, I suggest that you support him as best you can and do what you can to enjoy whatever time you have left together. Hope for the best but prepare yourself for the worst.

I hope this helps you.

I wouldn't do chemo myself, but then again I never needed it so it's only speculation on my part. I might feel differently if I ever do need it.


My biological dad declined chemo when he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
His reasoning: it would give him a few weeks longer, at best.

He passed away about 3 months later. I met him for the 2nd time ever a week prior to his passing. It gave us both closure. But that's unrelevant to your question. I just wanted to share it.

It is very much as others have all agreed, his choice. I would never choose FOR a loved one. When my mother was very ill towards the end of her life (93) she had made it clear to us, her children, DNR and minimal intervention was her desire. Had she been 73, her decision would probably have been the same, Death held no fear: indeed she looked forward to it for a few years before her passing. Personal philosophy, the amount of discomfort to be tolerated and the care on offer are all unique to each person. I hope these coming months will offer a good quality of life for all of you involved not least your dad. 🙏

In situations like this I have found that most people, even if it's subconsciously are more concerned with their feelings and more worried about their grief than the actual patient. Families force their loved ones into painful and debilitating treatments in order to keep the "patient" alive so that they don't have to suffer the grief or the loss. People force their loved ones to be kept alive on respirators in hopes that they may recover or a cure may be found even when they are brain dead and they've been told that there is absolutely no chance for recovery. We end up making our loved ones go through a great deal of pain and suffering just because we don't want to go through the pain and suffering of losing them. This is why all these decisions should be left to the patient no matter what, as long as they are mentally capable of making that decision!!!

Cancer has struck my family. More than once. And I was close to both of them. I've seen what treatment is like and what it does to a person.

So ... To your question ... What would I choose if diagnosed with an aggressive cancer? Easy. I live my life for today. Don't get me wrong, I want to live. But if faced with that kind of diagnosis, I would choose however many quality days I'd have left. They can keep their chemo. 🤷‍♀

My mother was in a similar situation, healthy enough to walk a mile a day, sudden diagnosis of an aggressive cancer. She tried one dose of chemo and then switched to palliative care. I'm glad she gave it a try, and I accepted her decision not to continue chemo.

That is a very hard choice over there. And it's ultimately his to make.
Looking into this for a while, I see that palliative care can be effective, and if faced as an option, like you say, and not as a way of letting go of life, it can have great benefits.
Chemotherapy on the other hand is hopeful, giving the person the benefit of the fight, to be given hope that there is a possibility to be cured.
I believe if palliative care is done right, can also include this hope for treatment, as, if the patient truly makes peace with himself, there have been cases where they were miraculously being brought to life.

That is a hard decision that he must make. My father was 83 and made the decision for treatment for bowel cancer. He died at 98 from heart problems. He said " Its time, "I'm just worn out".

My mother developed an infection from chemo. Complications from chemo took her life.

Chemo saved my sister. It's always a scary, hard decision. Ultimately, it's their decision

Best of luck to your father, you and your family. This is a tough one. My wife went through multiple rounds of chemo and survived. So it’s possible but difficult. I am sure your father will make the best choice.

Again, best wishes.

That is such a difficult decision. For myself, I would likely choose palliative care if the cancer were aggressive, the treatment was likely to be very difficult, and the chances of survival with treatment were still low. I feel like my end would be more peaceful.

Wishing the best for you and your family. ❤

These decisions are personal and only he can decide what to do....ive been waiting two years for a hip replacement and because of a heart condition they have told me if i go ahead with the op i could have heart attack, bleed to death or have a stroke.. .hard to decide....

I think it's his choice. I think your Dad's approach is the right one.

I am so sorry that you’re family has to deal with this
There is no right or wrong answer of course but … I would like to have the chance to fight … even if it’s pointless

I don’t know. But quality of life that’s left does count. I’m so sorry.

I’m sorry to hear this, such sad hard news

I’d just respect his wishes in that case.

I think that was their way of telling you his case was terminal.

I secretly think I could have cancer, for me it's no chemo or diagnosis.

At 72 I would do it and fight!

How old is he?

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