This is going to sound odd to some. But, alcohol and laziness. Alcohol made me lazy, and therefore, I didn't want or care about doing anything bad to myself. When I let myself go to a dark place. I mean, that was the whole point, right? But 4 times in the ER for Alcohol Poisoning. Tends to get your attention.

But I survived 3 of those. After the 4th one, nurses convinced me to call family.

1 year and 1 1/2 months later....... 🤧
Here I am.

The fact that I was a mother and could not leave our daughter in the care of the man I’D married. None of it was her fault.

My Faith.
Living as a child from 7 to 11 with my dad was terrifying at times but I knew that God had not abandoned me.

Hope of a better life. Fear of losing someone i care about. Feeling like i have to hold it together for myself and others involved. It tore me up mentally but im here. I guess.

Really ...

I could remember a time when the world seemed to open for me like some wild flower, and who I was when I felt that & thought I understood.

That person was still there.

Not so of a what but a whom,
when I battled deep depression over how I looked, and other issues related to my breast size and felt the only way out was to end my existence, Christine stopped me.

Stubbornness fueled by more than a bit of anger kept me going. There's more to the story but that's my answer.

Honestly I don’t know. 🤷🏻‍♂ I spent years years in a deep depression trying to kill myself, tried several ways but even pills didn’t work. I guess pure stubborn anger and the hope it might improve some day.

My kids and just never having any thoughts that I had to do anything else but keep going.

That was a long 5 years. I work hard to never go back to that place again.

A friend that wouldn't give up on me

Curiosity I guess. Wondering what crazy thing was going to happen next.

Also, weed. It helped me stop drinking and I probably wouldn't have been around much longer if I had kept drinking at the rate I had gotten up to.

Family is always important - it's great to have them as your cheerleading squad!

A couple of good docs. Especially one surgeon.

My kids and the longing to see them grow and mature.

My hope and belief in a better tomorrow - not that any low point was ever going to go anywhere near my becoming "un-alived",to use that dreadful modern expression.

Hope

Having a pet to care for

I held onto voices on the other end of the phone. I held onto laughter I didn’t think I deserved. Just the thought that I could make someone proud one day

ice cream

My wife, and my other 3 children

Family, that and little distractions here and there like gaming and spending time outside.

Faith in God that he would get me through it.

My kids

My loved ones, especially my mother. 😞

My cats

Exhaustion... I couldn't be arsed to take those last few steps to the bridge only to have to double back if I didn't jump.

I'd been out roaming the streets all day, I was cold to the bones - and I was hungry. All I wanted was to thaw out and get something to eat before I went to bed to do it all over again tomorrow.

Luck

My wife.

My will to live

My children

Time

My cats probably.

Not a thing, Jesus Christ keeps me alive and my project keeps me going.

Friends,Family and the will to Be🙂

A cat

Having an unstoppable mindset. We are Resilient. We can get back from any fall and rise again

I can't leave my son.

My dogs. Now idk.

GOD, Music and Work.

Failure to succeed in my attempts.

music and the homie. Unironically

Grown Children/grandchildren

Fear of going to Hell if I offed myself.

Thankfully today I have better motivation than that.

There being no guarantee that it would be any better if I left this world. Could be even worse.

The police finding me.

What's going on?

Fear of Death.

The mindset that it'll all be over when I die.

Women and drugs and my dogs.