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Captainjackass

31-35, M

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3861 views · 72 followers · Online: See Last Online »

My butts itchy

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1-25 of 2527

Did you know: Hoover the talking seal

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Hoover was a you g seal pup found by Scottie Dunning in Maine. After finding the mother unfortunately dead he decided to raise it himself and started by putting in the bathtub and feeding it fish which he ate “like a hoover” hence his name. When he... See More »

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Why is there big dic energy

But not a female equivalent? Big boob energy? Big vajayjay energy?

You run into this one night what do you do?

Who the hell is my father dammit?

I have compiled a list of who my father might be! Cause @Bexsy won’t tell me. Fox Mulder Darth Vader Batman Miyamoto Musashi Leroy Jethro Gibbs Some French dude with great hair The Fonz Jack Churchill Bruce Lee Godzilla Christopher Lee I’ve... See More »

Comment and I’ll tell you who you swnemisis is

I still wonder about you

If I had just made some effort to keep in touch maybe it could have worked out. In one way we were perfect for each other while in another all wrong. I remember I bought her a purple stuffed monkey and shipped it halfway across the world to her. She... See More »

Some people can have long luxurious hair

Yet if mines longer than an inch I look like I’ve been electrocuted while in a wind tunnel.

Idk if it’s the snow storm or just Monday

But I am super tired today. I need to take an energy drink or something.

How old am I again?

My shoulder is in agony, Im so weak I can barely do anything and my back hurt while wiping my butt this morning. My body thinks I’m twice my age and is aching like crazy. Only a few years ago I exercised every other day at the gym and on the off... See More »

Some days are harder than others

Im thinking to much today and its making me so depressed. Most days Im fine being alone and having no one in my life. Others it just plain sucks. Some days I wonder what it would be like to be an ordinary person, to have friends and family. I can’t r... See More »

Distract me before I get more sad

Please just do anything memes, puns, knock knock jokes.

Now I begin work on book #6

Despite not being published yet and I should be focusing on that instead.

I need a cryptid for my book

Preferably one you can see hiding in the sewers.

Apparently some people have trouble with their wang dripping?

I literally have never heard of this. Is it an age thing? That just doesn’t make sense to me.

The new star wars show is out

I’ve never been a bigger fan.

Did you know if your hands bigger than your face you might have herpes

*smacks you in the face*

Review of my new chair

Comfort level, decent Easy enough to assemble Comes with cup holders I’ll never use, a vibration mode that isn’t very relaxing and feels weird and a heated part that is okay. It’s a lot more comfortable than the previous one and even reclines.... See More »

I am so sick of getting the same advertisement

For the freaken college I already go to.

Its snowing again

I thought this crap was over 😩

Whats the deal with cucumbers on the eyes?

How is that supposed to be relaxing? Just sounds sticky.

Im getting the feels

Distract me before I get depressed

Managed to get an 80lbs package off the street and up my stairs

Now for the fun of assembling it all.

Chatgpt makes great pictures and all

But does it have to make every person it makes a picture of look like a supermodel?

Being a writer isn’t always fun.

Apparently there is no place on the torso you can be stabbed nonleathally even if it’s not deep. My character stabs someone there and fakes their death but I have no way of actually pulling it off. So now Im stuck on this with no way out of it.

Well that quick nap just lasted two hours

So much for sleep tonight.

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