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Captainjackass

31-35, M

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IM STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU

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I haven’t been able to move for 20 minutes now

Because she’s asleep on my arm and to adorable to make move.

Why do I constantly do this to myself?

Someone slap me with a cactus.

Can someone please get me a new gastrointestinal tract?

My stomachs already acting up. I should have known it would be bad again since it was so easy last week. This sounds so stupid but it’s just impossible to sleep like this. The ringing in both my ears at night already makes it hard enough but with...

Nearly 4 am and I can’t sleep

Barely slept 3 hours last night but because my god damn stomach problem is acting up again I haven’t been able to sleep a moment. Can someone just stab my stomach already to see if that relieves it?

Can someone please translate this into some form of english?

How the hell is this supposed to be entry level?

She’s been curled up into a little ball next to me.

She’s apparently exhausted from all the scratches and needs to be right up against me.

I can’t sleep

If you’re so insecure you have to wear body armor to the gym

Give up on life. Especially when you can’t even do a single pushup. You are not some badass just because you bought a vest on ebay, you do not need flags and don’t tread on me crap you just need to learn to not be so insecure.

First thing that happened when I woke up today

Was my cat puking on my blanket right on top of me.

Ugh I had to go out and deal with people today.

I’m more exhausted from that than actually exercising at the gym. God I hate people.

This is what I get for going to the gym earlier in the day.

I swear to god my cat does this just to keep me up

Every night just as I go to sleep she hasssss to climb over everything nonstop. I get she likes climbing but still this is exhausting.

I don’t think I’m gonna try cupping therapy for a massage

I look like I’ve been attacked by a squid 🦑 and my shoulders are still sore!

I thought I had a late start to work but actually have to be there at 6am

Kill me please 😑

She won’t stop tipping the trash bin over in my room.

I finally turned on the laser pointer toy and got them to tired to destroy anything or fight each other. 😌

Only 7 more hours to go. You ever have a day where your body just wants to sleep and you just want to curl up into a ball and just nap?

First thing I see waling up today and it pisses me off.

I regret waking up at all now.

3 1/2 hours left on todays job.

I’m grateful for actually having some work but I just wish I had gotten some sleep for once. It’s also an incredibly boring job so far so you all need to keep me entertained! Hop to it!

Just once it would be nice to be able to lay down

And not be immediately be surrounded by cats. I have one on top of me and one right next to me. I can’t even move because their so needy.

Yet again I can’t sleep because of this gas

I have another x ray scheduled…. For two months from now. Every single thing they’ve checked for has been negative and just getting the first appointment took two months. I haven’t had a normal nights sleep in months. It was already next to...

Just watched the first episode of black mirror

All that drama and build up and we never actually got to see him bang the pig. Biggest letdown ever.

The exact moment I lay down to sleep she’s right up against me.

She knows she’s trapped me so I have no choice but give her affection.

Am I allowed to just rage quit life?

I kinda feel like burning the whole world to the ground. It honestly would be an improvement.

I had a new energy drink at the gym earlier

I think I’m either gonna have a stroke or ascend to a higher state of being.

Happy goat awareness month.

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