Captainjackass

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Captainjackass

26-30, M

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956 views · 20 followers · Online: Recently (date?)

IM STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU

About Me

Photos Friends Groups Replies Gifts

Days Active

2 Yrs Active

Join Time

1st 6 Mths of SW

Comments

5000 Comments

Questions

250 Questions

Gifts

1-20 of 506

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Am I the only one getting sweaty butt rash?

26-30, M

11 views

Why is it that right as my shift ends at work some junkie comes into the store and acts insane.

I finally have some days off and that happens at the last minute 🤦🏻‍♂️

26-30, M

12 views

Why must I be so awkward?

26-30, M

9 views

I’m now convinced that my cat is a witch.

She disappears all day and I cannot find her after tearing my apartment apart. She has to be invisible or teleporting somewhere cause she never even goes out into the hallway and is terrified of everything.

Captainjackass

26-30, M

8 replies

14 views

Jun 24, 2019

Pets, Animals & Nature

How do I get people to tell me their deepest darkest secrets like Selah does?

I think she uses witchcraft or something cause people just tell her everything and I want that power too.

26-30, M

15 views

Ugh I have horrible gas but can’t just fart it out

This is the worst feeling ever 😖

26-30, M

21 views

It always annoys me that when someone escapes from the bad guy.

They always just run away instead of doing something like picking up the bad guys gun or something rational that way the bad guy can chase them and catch them.

26-30, M

5 views

Why does my cat have to take up so much of the bed?

Seriously shes a fraction my size but is somehow making me lay of the edge of the bed 🤦🏻‍♂️.

Captainjackass

26-30, M

8 replies

20 views

Jun 13, 2019

Pets, Animals & Nature

Ugh why am I up so late again?

Smack me with a rolling pin!

26-30, M

5 views

Why must quizzes be so damn irritating?

Seriously it’s only orientation quizzes and yet I’m about five seconds away from punching a hole in the wall.

26-30, M

2 views

Why is it right when I go to sleep that my cats decide then to pay attention to me

And by pay attention I mean climb all over me and force me to pet them and put their butts in my face 😑

Captainjackass

26-30, M

4 replies

5 views

Jun 4, 2019

Pets, Animals & Nature

I’m watching the strain

This is how vampires should be. Terrifying monsters that kill everyone and are scary looking not pretty boys with make up or fancy counts with capes.

26-30, M

0 views

Ugh I have horrible gas right now but I can’t fart

This is the most uncomfortable feeling ever 😖

26-30, M

27 views

This makes me think of Selah

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/greatgrandmother-fends-off-300-pound-burglar-in-his-boxers-with-baseball-bat-he-better-be-glad-i-didnt-have-a-gun-215553499.html Don’t mess with her when she’s got a baseball bat!

26-30, M

10 views

It tastes bad and burns going down. I’ll never understand why cowboys love it in movies.

26-30, M

19 views

26-30, M

1 views

Do you think I should just be a hooker?

There’s not much competition for it around here and I think I can wear a wig pretty good.

26-30, M

22 views

A kid asked what his first step should be in being a superhero and fight crime.

I told him put down the comic book and he flipped out in me. What happened to teenagers wanting to be something that actually exists?

26-30, M

11 views

Why do they always put restaurants right next to the gym?

I always smell something delicious right as I leave and it’s so frustrating to not be able to eat right then.

26-30, M

8 views

I don’t understand why they always have wires of different color on tv bombs.

They always have to snip one wire but not the other colored one. Wouldn’t they all probably just be the same color?

26-30, M

7 views

1-20 of 506

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