Don't take advice from people here. Half of them are here cheating on their spouses.

The answers that I see here is precisely part of the reason I am single. Some people just don't have standards when it comes to loyalty and honoring the sanctity of marriage. To each their own. I hope whatever you decide puts you at peace ultimately

It might be better to let it go. He stayed with you and chose to. Don't open a can of worms you may later regret, just enjoy the rest of your life together.

I sense he values you very much and has stayed with you for this reason and in hindsight probably regrets betraying you. He may have felt that the rules were different back then, but over time has come to realize its impact in that he may lose you and so has not told you for fear of that possibility.

But that's not his decision to make, it's yours. One thing is for sure, the moment you eventually have him look you square in the face and tell you the truth, that will be the pivotal moment. You will have your answer in full right there.

One thing I've noticed in relationships is that the stronger ones let it go, leave it at that and move on with their lives. The rest may not, and that's ok. Everyone is different and in different stages of life. It's a very personal decision weighing the consequences for the future in light of things in the past. However like a tree, the future is constantly growing and changing, while the past is like a ghost, dead and can never change.

PS - See the episode above to find out what the tiny amber object meant. Hope this helps you.

Never!! Expose my body to unknown diseases? Lie to my face & sleep in the same bed? Never.

I confronted it .. years of counseling, etc. Never really took responsibility for her actions, so not much effort to fix her part in our issues. Things are better, but not by enough. I likely should have just walked away at the time .. would have if I'd known what I know now.

A relationship can survive an affair, but it's all about the context.

Is this the only affair he had?

Why did he have the affair?

Most importantly, how do you repair the broken trust.

what do you want? Is life with him "comfortable" and "ok", as in you don't really care, because being in a trusting, loving and monogamous relationship still important to you, or is he a "roommate"?

If you do want a real relationship with him, he needs to come clean about everything, and that means every little detail. He needs to cut contact off with the person he cheated with. You need to see a therapist, just you, not as a couple, this is about you and what you decide you can live with.

You also get to pick your own time table, and not be pressured to get things back to "normal".

Good luck.

"Although I know he will deny it" - that sounds like some basic trust and honesty is missing.

I could forgive my partner for having an affair but that is assuming we could talk about it.

This sounds like a hard situation... wishing you well.

I read a funny story the other day . A woman knew the name of her hubbys mistress so she gave her daughter a doll and told her the dolls name was “Jane” which also happened to be the name of the mistress. Anytime the little girl talked about Jane to her dad he got very uncomfortable and alert lol.

I'd like to confront him,and by that I should be open to hear his denial or acceptance.
My reactions would be based on his actions thereafter.

Tell him you KNOW he had an affair and your willing to forgive him if he comes clean about it.

Every case is different. Betrayal is the ultimate pain and takes so much work, to overcome. How do you feel?

We make allowances for our loved ones to no end. One might burn dinner a hundred times, another might be awful with your family. Still another may make the wrong career choice or allow a hobby to dominate his/her relationship times.

But on infidelity? Done, finito, cancelled, gone. We expect our partners to neve be attracted to, never respond to other advances. They should only ever have our name in their head and heart and any transformative learning must be accomplished without benefit of painful growth. But infidelity is a symptom of a deeper unrest trying to be communicated.

You're allowed to ask him about the affair. There are both healthier and more damaging ways to go about it. If you're asking for details and looking for shame, you're on a dangerous path. However, you could confront with calm and let him know when he's ready to talk about the affair you're ready to listen. He'll be shocked (giving you some satisfaction) and this allows a level playing field and equal communication. You should be looking for resolution, not revenge.

Good luck. The easy answer is yes, a couple can survive infidelity and come out even stronger for the journey. It might not be desired, but it can be a gift nonetheless.

I think it’s up to you. Personally I would leave. I would feel betrayed to waste my precious time being faithful to someone who did not reciprocate

Yeah I could. We're taught to forgive. And we have 3 kids.

no absolutely not. i would break up with any partner immediately if i learned that they had cheated, even if i had thought that they were my soulmate

The offenders always say to not say anything 🙄
Probably seek some professional advice from someone you trust, not here though. Nobody knows you or your situation.

I would confront his ass ASAP, he can deny it all he likes, you know the truth, this is his time to do the right thing or not and his reaction will tell you what you should do next.

Either that or you carry on living in fairyland

It’s up to you really

I would need to be absolutely certain he has cheated. If i was then i would confront him about it. You need to do sides what's at risk though. Would it affect any kids? Mortgage etc.

Let him know you know.

Let him live with the guilt knowing you know

He’s either going to admit it…or deny it.

Either way, you will feel better its out in the open.

Its bad medicine.

Without it, it will eat you up inside.

What will upset me isn't the sex. It's the lying and disrespect. It shows that his love is fake, weak and selfish. And will I want more of that?

I'd count on what he chooses to do to earn me back.

I couldn't forgive it. And I know my husband wouldn't forgive something like that either. He'd be out the door.

No don’t forgive, they lie and do it again and you see the evidence, I believed mine foolishly, he swore nothing happened, but signs were there, leave him, staying you just prolong the pain and they do it again. 😞

I tried but it was to difficult for her to admit she did wrong and we ended up divorced

Only you can answer this but if it were my spouse I’d let it go

That’s a tough one. In my mind there would be a lot of variables:
How long we’d been together when it happened
If this were the only time
How long the affair had been going on

And bottom line, if there was a possibility of regaining trust. I couldn’t remain in a relationship where I constantly worried whenever he was late coming home, or that he was with someone else. So counseling would be imperative if there were to be any hope of the relationship surviving after infidelity.

Wishing you the very best and hoping things work out the way you want them to. 🙂

I know couples who have recovered from an affair.

But the forgiveness didn't come until after some honest, painful conversations, and with the help of a professional counselor.

It sounds as if you are contemplating trying to just forget about it. I am not sure that you will find peace that way.

You need to get yourself a good lawyer ~

Maybe. I have to think about the kids.

I'd say, "adios".

That’s a tough call but you alone have the answer for that. Can you live with it?

I honestly don’t know how you managed to keep quiet about it..all this time… something I assure you I could never do.

I would confront him, but my course of action as to whether I would forgive him or not would depend on our current life situation, what he has to say about it, how much he regrets it etc. etc.

That's up to the individual. I've seen couples get infidelity out on the table and get past it, and others split right up.

I think if you choose to confront him with incontrovertible evidence and he still denies it, you have some choices to make.

Forgive him, and give him credit for all the times he could have had affairs, but didn't. After all, it's just sex.

Divorce him.

You say you know but don’t say how you know
Nor how it proves his guilt.

Only if they were honest about it.

You should mess with him and dress up exactly like her with a wig

No if he cheated on me I could never trust him again. That would be the ultimate betrayal for me.

Yeah I could forgive.

Uh.... wtf?!


I would ask & then run, no room for that betrayal in my life.

Not have an affair. Or maybe not enter into a relationship.

Make him do crossfit

It’s up to you and what you can live with.

I'd confront him and dump his ass.
Sorry, but I think cheating is a huge betrayal of trust.