We make allowances for our loved ones to no end. One might burn dinner a hundred times, another might be awful with your family. Still another may make the wrong career choice or allow a hobby to dominate his/her relationship times.
But on infidelity? Done, finito, cancelled, gone. We expect our partners to neve be attracted to, never respond to other advances. They should only ever have our name in their head and heart and any transformative learning must be accomplished without benefit of painful growth. But infidelity is a symptom of a deeper unrest trying to be communicated.
You're allowed to ask him about the affair. There are both healthier and more damaging ways to go about it. If you're asking for details and looking for shame, you're on a dangerous path. However, you could confront with calm and let him know when he's ready to talk about the affair you're ready to listen. He'll be shocked (giving you some satisfaction) and this allows a level playing field and equal communication. You should be looking for resolution, not revenge.
Good luck. The easy answer is yes, a couple can survive infidelity and come out even stronger for the journey. It might not be desired, but it can be a gift nonetheless.
