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kentex35

100+, M

United States

Married

Straight

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2004 views · 49 followers · Joined: August 24, 2018 · Online: See Last Online » · Verified Account

Seems I've got to have a change of scene. Every night I have the strangest dream...

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I just walked out of Walmart and some guy tried to sell me some dog food I guess he stole, I looked at him and said"the Haitians ate my dog.

True. No offense to the Haitians but it just popped in my head. Lord put Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth.

Got pulled over. The officer asked me if I was drinking,

I said are you buying? We laughed and laughed. I need bail.

I'm way over here and you are way over there and...The Temptations- I can't get next to you

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Did you hear what Ice T said? A lot of people have been comparing Trump to Satan.

Sure he's evil but not as evil as Trump.

A old blind guy goes in a bar white cane and all tippity tappity

He sits at the bar he has a beer. He didn't know but it was a bar that only women went to but since he was old and blind no one said anything. He can tell someone was sitting next to him too he leans over and said do you want to hear a funny blonde... See More »

I wasn't a good looking kid. Kind of ugly really

I didn't have to keep a pork chop in my pocket to get the dog to play with me. But I was I ugly. I remember Mom taking my brother and me to the beach one Sunday and I was playing in the sand and looked up and could not find either of them. I knew the... See More »

The government has been dumping it's toxic waste on my..

Mother's grave. A team of experts say it won't do her no harm but I'm not so sure.

My mother's evil eye was camouflaged...

At Mass Sunday morning, my brother and I were under 5 years old. I was the pagan he was the heathen. First warning was a silent snap of the fingers while pointing down. Ok we were good for maybe five minutes before one of us is trying too go under... See More »

Can I look you in the eye and...

14° Dallass, Texass

I'm keeping my little taters in the sack. Brrrr

Any old farts that remember this one, it's sorta sad..

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The Undisputed Truth - Smiling Faces Sometimes

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Did anyone else get any beans stuck in their nose today?

Had to use the garden hose again to get them all out but I did. Drying out now.

Well that's just crazy talkin' , said Festus's to Marshall Dillion.

A traveling salesman that dealt in farm equipment...

Sometimes if he was making a lot of calls he would often ask if he could sleep in their barn instead going back to the hotel. Well the morning after a long day he was looking around and noticed that one of the pigs only had three legs so he asked the... See More »

A woman goes into a funeral home with her dearly departed

And she's talking to the funeral director and he notices that her husband is wearing a very nice black suit and he said to her this is a nice suit is this what you want him to wear at the viewing? And she's says, you know, I think blue is his color.... See More »

Why men and women think differently

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Why is America losing the war in Ukraine

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I had to steal those to pass it on

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An Irishman walks into a bar in Canada

He orders a drink and noticing the accent the bartender asks what brings you to Canada? The Irishman says well I was drinking in a pub in Dublin and I looked at the coaster under my drink and it said drink Canada Dry so I thought I'd give it a try.

Feeling kinda madcap today

My gal told me I was immature so I told her to get out of my fort

Was I right or wrong? It's my fort she has to play how I want huh y'all

I Second That Emotion

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Happy 4th of July.

I'm indoors now because it's about time for some of those nuts to start shooting their guns in the air.. what goes up must come down.

Did you put the no in innovation?

Come on now you are around friends here huh y'all?

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