Do you ever wonder who you really are?

There's been moments in the past where I've wondered about this, but not anymore.

It's all "wiring/conditioning" of the brain as a result of our experiences in life. Or attachments, both healthy and toxic, that we become accustomed to.

It can be really difficult to work through sometimes. Especially when our brains and nervous systems do things to protect us from trauma - for example, different types of disassociation or fight-or-flight.

Yes, I do... I did. I struggled with that the last few years. But these days, I wonder not who I am, but who I was supposed to be. I think in a perfect world, where love, respect, encouragement, and consideration were, everyday, normal, happenings, I would now be a different person. Softer, kinder, more open to giving and receiving love, more gentle and caring. Now, as it stands, I am guarded, rarely open to new people, new circumstanses. My heart is closed off, less compasionate, less accepting. I am suspicious of the kind, caring, word and actually expect falsehoods rather than honesty. The last shred of softness and gentleness was eradicated a few years ago. I am hard - I am strong - always - not just most of the time. No one gets in. No one sees too deeply. Vulnerability is non-existent. I take care of myself. I protect myself without question, because I realize there are too many who claim to be have good hearts, and assure me I can trust the veracity of their words, but whose lies drip from their handsome faces like hot, acrid, water spews from a blown radiator on a 120° day. I am not a pessimist, though - I simply see life through the lens of a dedicated realist, rather than the part time realist I was just a few short years ago. So when I think of all that might have been if circumstances had been different, the question isn't, "Who am I?" It is...in a oerfect world...who was I really supposed to be...what would my heart have been capable of....

I do think it is just human to wonder who you are are from time to time. Eventually, you get it figured out even if you the version of yourself is different than who you thought you'd be. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself - the answers will come.

Even without domestic violence or abuse the end of a long relationship can leave one feeling incomplete. I have been going through a process of rediscovery and reinvention in the eight years since my wife died. We had been together for forty years, two thirds of our lives at the time.

The only advice I would give is to do something, small steps to start with but stop just existing. It hardly matters what you start with because the purpose is to find out what you want to do and be so if it doesn't suit, try something else. If it does suit then do it some more, do it louder, do it with pride, and yes take up your space.

I stopped wondering since I got to know who I am. Early in life, I sensed my creative and innovative nature and became more assertive and altered the way I talk or approach things. I am not a people pleaser and don't like praising people to get things done or to attain something. But when it comes to others, I found that most of them have no purpose or aim in life, and just live life by the day, like a horse with harness and blinders only for others to ride.

But as humans, we can become who we want to be, instead of trying to know who we are, as it is we who make who we are.

Over the years I have questioned that myself. It seems that when I thought it was found circumstances changed it. I will offer the fact that my most complete time was during my marriage. Now I’m searching to fill that void but finding out it was there just needed coaxing out. Between reading and guidance from a few people here the cycle begins again.

I did a few times when I was younger. As I grew older, and my abuser passed away, I could put more in perspective. I never acted small though, I was more the opposite and many times struggled with not being sure of who I was all the time.

I felt that only yesterday. It's after a betrayal of trust. When a person who you thought could be trusted betrays you. Even when one is worshipped one can feel nothing at all because the trust isn't there any more. One is standing half way the bridge and it's your own fault that the other isn't coming across. Whatever their excuse they'll always refuse to give a good enough explanation. One needs to obey in silence. The only defence is indeed that silence. Keeping one safe from further hurt. One has done ones best, one has gone half way, and that's fine. If a half way house to shelter isn't enough, well, time will have to pass on. One doesn't need to feel bad or indeed small for not going over the whole bridge. It's a betrayal of who you are. Everyone needs to feel something, otherwise it's all a lie anyhow

I can relate.

There were times in my (now former) marriage when I simply complied. Easier than expressing a controversial opinion. I felt I had lost myself.

🤗

I went through a horrific breakup in 1988 that sent me into a huge personal tailspin. I was depressed, did drugs I never did before, you name it. I was a wreck. I did ask myself who I was.

Well, I looked at myself. Began studying drums again, late nights at the piano, doing little recordings where I played all the instruments(on tape, no Garageband bullshit). The answer was obvious.

I am a musician. It's what I love most. It has always been this way. Anything that tries to get in the way is either rolled over or eliminated.

It is common to be a people pleaser as a result of narc abuse; you're chasing after a ghost. You won't get the approval because their illness makes that impossible.

Being a people pleaser is good until people use you as a doormat.

I'm sorry that happened. But I believe in your ability to triumph over it.

Yes ,i found that the only way to survive the abuse was to become whatever the abusers needed me to be . It changed so many times i have no clue who i ever was .

I lost who I was during my marriage but found myself again after years of healing. ❤‍🩹

Once I knew I was neurodivergent, I stopped wondering!

I was shy growing up, but thought that was "creepy" the older I got, so I began to come out of my shell.

I know who I am at the moment, and I also know in ten years time I will have continued to adapt and evolve.

I have asked both Chat Gpt 4 and gemini, let's see what they come back with.

Yup.

I know exactly who I am. HMU and let’s forget the past

At one time I had no idea who or what I was. I was essentially going through life on autopilot.

Not at all. You need experience not literature to find that out

Your mother should have been locked up