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Do you ever wonder who you really are?

People sometimes say since the end of their marriage they don't know who they really are, or since a several years period during with an abusive partner , they lost who they are, what they like etc.
In my instance, domestic violence and psychological severe abuse began as a toddler for me. By the time age 6, I was consciously thinking about how to get people to like or accept me. I was being bullied at home daily. So I became at 6 , from then on, the ultimate people pleaser. Even my principal in grade school nicknamed me Smiley. But he had no idea I was the furthest from happy, that it was a diversion to my treatment at home.

So I became and acted small, shy, quiet, over the years. You had to, or I could have been badly hurt or worse.
Every self help book I'm reading says to not play small anymore, and to take up space. To fulfill your needs or wants. Sometimes I don't even know what I should want or what I DO need. I became an inhuman shell. I don't truly know who I am. Do you ever feel this way?
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ninalanyon · 61-69, T
Even without domestic violence or abuse the end of a long relationship can leave one feeling incomplete. I have been going through a process of rediscovery and reinvention in the eight years since my wife died. We had been together for forty years, two thirds of our lives at the time.

The only advice I would give is to do something, small steps to start with but stop just existing. It hardly matters what you start with because the purpose is to find out what you want to do and be so if it doesn't suit, try something else. If it does suit then do it some more, do it louder, do it with pride, and yes take up your space.
SageWanderer · 70-79, M
@ninalanyon I understand this one completely! We almost made it to forty years and at that point you complete each other. It takes searching to fill that void.