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Do you ever wonder who you really are?

People sometimes say since the end of their marriage they don't know who they really are, or since a several years period during with an abusive partner , they lost who they are, what they like etc.
In my instance, domestic violence and psychological severe abuse began as a toddler for me. By the time age 6, I was consciously thinking about how to get people to like or accept me. I was being bullied at home daily. So I became at 6 , from then on, the ultimate people pleaser. Even my principal in grade school nicknamed me Smiley. But he had no idea I was the furthest from happy, that it was a diversion to my treatment at home.

So I became and acted small, shy, quiet, over the years. You had to, or I could have been badly hurt or worse.
Every self help book I'm reading says to not play small anymore, and to take up space. To fulfill your needs or wants. Sometimes I don't even know what I should want or what I DO need. I became an inhuman shell. I don't truly know who I am. Do you ever feel this way?
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uncalled4 · 56-60, M
I went through a horrific breakup in 1988 that sent me into a huge personal tailspin. I was depressed, did drugs I never did before, you name it. I was a wreck. I did ask myself who I was.

Well, I looked at myself. Began studying drums again, late nights at the piano, doing little recordings where I played all the instruments(on tape, no Garageband bullshit). The answer was obvious.

I am a musician. It's what I love most. It has always been this way. Anything that tries to get in the way is either rolled over or eliminated.

It is common to be a people pleaser as a result of narc abuse; you're chasing after a ghost. You won't get the approval because their illness makes that impossible.

Being a people pleaser is good until people use you as a doormat.

I'm sorry that happened. But I believe in your ability to triumph over it.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@uncalled4 Sorry to hear of that sad time..that's great you found who you are in music. People do use me over time so the pleaser identity really needs a rehaul. Ty so much for your kind words about overcoming it🪻
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