Do you ever wonder who you really are?

Yes, I do... I did. I struggled with that the last few years. But these days, I wonder not who I am, but who I was supposed to be. I think in a perfect world, where love, respect, encouragement, and consideration were, everyday, normal, happenings, I would now be a different person. Softer, kinder, more open to giving and receiving love, more gentle and caring. Now, as it stands, I am guarded, rarely open to new people, new circumstanses. My heart is closed off, less compasionate, less accepting. I am suspicious of the kind, caring, word and actually expect falsehoods rather than honesty. The last shred of softness and gentleness was eradicated a few years ago. I am hard - I am strong - always - not just most of the time. No one gets in. No one sees too deeply. Vulnerability is non-existent. I take care of myself. I protect myself without question, because I realize there are too many who claim to be have good hearts, and assure me I can trust the veracity of their words, but whose lies drip from their handsome faces like hot, acrid, water spews from a blown radiator on a 120° day. I am not a pessimist, though - I simply see life through the lens of a dedicated realist, rather than the part time realist I was just a few short years ago. So when I think of all that might have been if circumstances had been different, the question isn't, "Who am I?" It is...in a oerfect world...who was I really supposed to be...what would my heart have been capable of....

I do think it is just human to wonder who you are are from time to time. Eventually, you get it figured out even if you the version of yourself is different than who you thought you'd be. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself - the answers will come.