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every weekend I commit mental suicide

via alcohol. because I just cannot cope. I don't understand life and the pain it brings. I cannot do this.

So instead of actual suicide...... cheers.
Sunujing · 46-50, M Best Comment
“He who makes a beast out of himself get’s rid of the pain of being a man”. Dr Johnson

Tried it for a lot of years. Tried spirituality and denial also. Best solution was changing my situation. No need to accept misery. Move. Change jobs. Get divorced. What ever causes this…change it
Trippin · F
@Sunujing Well said
Sunujing · 46-50, M
@HellsBelle lacked self confidence pretty seriously when I was younger. As a result I dated and married a woman I was not attracted to. Our relationship soured to a point where she wouldn’t kiss me on the lips and we had no physical relationship to speak of. Emotionally we were distant and I dreamt about her dying.

To cope, I drank every chance I could get. Went out of my way to find escorts, massage parlors, etc…. Never did any drugs but was headed down that path certainly.

Stopped. Tried to find religion and broader meaning. Therapist called it spiritual bypass and it is very common. Relapsed. Went back to drinking.

Contemplated suicide and decided it was probably better if my son had an absentee father rather than a dead one.

Left. Moved out and everything improved. Still in the same job but getting divorced and finding myself was essential. Realizing I had more to offer and was an appealing and interesting person. Now I am remarried. Have a good relationship with my son. Have an awesome daughter. A great wife and if I have 2 or 3 drinks a month it is a lot.
HellsBelle · 31-35, F
@Sunujing truly, good job. Thank you for your story

Trippin · F
I too often self medicate to somehow erase those things I do not wish to face. Trying to learn tho' that pain passes and not to allow feeling to turn in to thinking for we are not our thoughts.
HellsBelle · 31-35, F
@Trippin thats why Im finding a psychiatrist now. I feel that talking and venting to someone unbiased is crucial. too much built up pain. I just need to put it somewhere away from me
Trippin · F
@HellsBelle Good for you. Get that stuff out. Embrace it and let it go. It's like..our nature to perpetuate old emotion. We ignore the present moment and live as a remnant of old pain.
SW-User
Your "best comment" is perfectly correct! You do what you need to change the situation and make your heart happy. Being in any situation that causes you to feel bad and want to drink the hurt/pain away...that means you need to change it.
Alison · 18-21, F
It's a tough habit to break alcohol.
Anyways have fun, I can't criticise.
Want some alcohol music?
Alison · 18-21, F
@HellsBelle nighttrain just gets that vibe as u keep chasing that buzz.
HellsBelle · 31-35, F
@Alison I take it you drink too?
Alison · 18-21, F
@HellsBelle I quit. I was kinda hardcore tho.

Like one morning I wake up, massive headache, look over at my desk:
Empty vodka bottle And like another half empty, said oh well that explains the headache.
Get up eventually and yep had a massive gash in head, God knows how it happened.
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
Hope you can find another way.
Addiction is a hard task master
SW-User
I’m sorry to hear you’re hurting … maybe go swimming on the weekend … it’s relaxing and you meet new people 🌷
SW-User
For me personally it’s all about seeing things through a different pair of eyes … i know how exercise can change my vision’

Please don’t despair.

Maybe think of it as a holiday … yes you’re indulging but you know you’ve got better options long term.

🌷

@HellsBelle
HellsBelle · 31-35, F
@SW-User yes I like that idea. taking a "holiday" mental break. good way to look at it.
SW-User
😌👍🏼@HellsBelle
Penny · 46-50, F
it can become physical suicide as well though maybe a slow one depending on how your body reacts to the alcohol
HellsBelle · 31-35, F
@Penny agreed.... my dad died at 49 due to drinking. but no matter how much people tell me the logical stuff, like you, Ive lost my life passion. people say rejuvinate yourself with your passion......but I literally dont know mine. I feel dead, a ghost wandering earth waiting to be absolved. my one passion, that keeps me going..... is seeing the beach again. and even then that is a passion hanging by a thin thread
I don't even wait for weekends..
HellsBelle · 31-35, F
@checkoutanytime IPA?! we cant be friends.

just kidding. but those are strong yeasty mother fckers right? like the bitter taste of burnt coffee mixed with yeast?
@HellsBelle strong, with hints of fruit flavors, soo good, and get me to my happy place. I'm getting thirsty thinking about it..🤔💭,🤪🏖.
HellsBelle · 31-35, F
@checkoutanytime well I wont judge if you have one. I started at 8am
SubstantialKick · 31-35, M
I'm sorry to hear this. I hope that you can find a peace of mind, somehow.
JRVanguard · 26-30, M
Sending love and strength 💙
HellsBelle · 31-35, F
@JRVanguard very much appreciated
JRVanguard · 26-30, M
@HellsBelle If you need a shoulder or an ear, I’m here for you🤗💙
Beatbox34 · 31-35, M
I'm battling with depression in my head.

Its harder than I think and I feel I'll do it someday.
iamonfire696 · 41-45, F
You should take a look at your life and see what you can change. Good luck to you.
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HellsBelle · 31-35, F
@Max13 funny you say that, you are right. lately Ive committed every friday to my neice.....she doesnt have her parents and lives with her grandma. it has been a fun time for both of us. sadly....i still drink on those nights. one thing to know is that my alcohol tolerance is ...insane. from 6pm yesterday to now, I have drank an entire bottle of tequila. I dont slur or get violent or stupid or fall over. none of that.
HellsBelle · 31-35, F
*but apparently I ramble 🤦‍♀️
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