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HellsBelle lacked self confidence pretty seriously when I was younger. As a result I dated and married a woman I was not attracted to. Our relationship soured to a point where she wouldn’t kiss me on the lips and we had no physical relationship to speak of. Emotionally we were distant and I dreamt about her dying.
To cope, I drank every chance I could get. Went out of my way to find escorts, massage parlors, etc…. Never did any drugs but was headed down that path certainly.
Stopped. Tried to find religion and broader meaning. Therapist called it spiritual bypass and it is very common. Relapsed. Went back to drinking.
Contemplated suicide and decided it was probably better if my son had an absentee father rather than a dead one.
Left. Moved out and everything improved. Still in the same job but getting divorced and finding myself was essential. Realizing I had more to offer and was an appealing and interesting person. Now I am remarried. Have a good relationship with my son. Have an awesome daughter. A great wife and if I have 2 or 3 drinks a month it is a lot.
