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Happiness is a choice.

You ever wonder why so many people disagree with this? It’s because it’s not one. At least not at first. You have to lie to yourself for a very long time before those lies start to become truths, but in doing so, you’ll discover the power of choice.

A true choice is not taken on a whim. It’s a commitment. Anything else is false. If you’ve committed to your sadness, don’t expect your whim for happiness to work.

I don’t approach a body builder who’s made that true choice for his lifestyle and expect to lift as much as him just because I chose to at that moment. So why would I look at his accomplishment and tell him it’s not a choice? One he so clearly made.

If you’re depressed, you’re the bodybuilder of sadness. So I wouldn’t expect you to have any clue on how to be happy. Guess what? It’s just as hard as being miserable because just like anything you give yourself to, it’s a commitment. It’s not easy.
Yeah...I've tried very hard having this mindset ...really hard ...I've even said this too ..but you know what ? It's bullshit when you have depression and you are so far diwn that black hole you don't know how you will climb out of it again ...and again ...all the while having to fake being ok so you don't have to explain yourself time and time again to those who don't understand...but all they can do is keep asking the same questions ...over and over again ...you just decide it's easier to act happy but feel like you're drowning inside than to explain it again ....so yeah i choose to fake being happy to avoid those who don't understand depression from my own perspective.
WaryWitchWandering · 31-35, F
Reject · 26-30, M
@PurgatoryPrincess Hey, you’re right. Whether you believe you can or you can’t. You are right. No one can stop you from knowing your personal truth. If you think it’s all bullshit and there’s nothing to be done. That’s the remarkable reality your brain can and will create for you. That’s why I said it’s about lying to yourself. Going against everything you hold as the truth and then doing that for many many years. Faith. Against a world of evidence telling you otherwise.
@Reject The world isn't telling me anything useful ...
Carissimi · 61-69, F
What a load of codswallop! Go hand this out to anyone bereaved, like the Uvalde parents. Give it to someone who is suicidal. It’s not helpful at all. In fact it’s harmful because it puts the blame on the person suffering when they grieve a loss, and are not happy clappy. It’s insulting and dangerous.
@Reject I'm saddened for your losses.
Carissimi · 61-69, F
Motivational speaker huh? Figures. No empathy, no heart or soul, no compassion, just speak for the money. It’s more about you than anyone else. You are on a different plane than say, a therapist who is trained to help people with real mental/emotional problems. You don’t get it because you can’t. Your mentality is on a different wavelength. Trauma is not just about a change of attitude, it’s imprinted on the nervous system. Motivational speaking has its place, especially for the healthy, but it’s transient.

I’m sorry, but I hold nothing but contempt for people like you. @Reject
Reject · 26-30, M
@Carissimi I didn’t make any money. I was actually another patient there. Once a week we would all gather in the rec room to talk about our progress within those walls. During this time I used to stand up and give those speeches because the other patients really liked them and wanted me to keep doing it. I would often point out specific ones and have them stand with me to explain how much better I could see them becoming. Sorry you feel that way though.
Justmeraeagain · 51-55, F
Then everyone would choose it.
If depressed our brains are broken and we are not building sadness ,we are missing dopamine and serotonin.
Even meds have a hard time balancing it all out.
Committed to sadness ?not correct! we do anything to feel happy , but our brains don't let us.
Committed to misery? Not correct ...we are not always miserable and often retreat so not to make others miserable.
I am happy often so yes, I know what happy is.
Reject · 26-30, M
@OogieBoogie Thanks Oogie! You’re more diplomatic than me. That is what I was saying. I can be insensitive or careless when I explain that because when I run into someone else’s demon, it’s not my job to tell it it’s wrong. It’s up to it’s owner. So if they wish to let it rule them, then I can’t stop that. I’ll leave them be.
@Reject i get that . And everyone has their own path they travel.

I also get that some are not able to do what youre suggesting.
Sometimes life is very cruel.
You [b]can[/b] do things to work towards being able to cope or finding contentment with your life; counseling, prescription médication if necessary. But [b]happiness[/b] doesn’t even [b]mean[/b] the same thing to everyone, it doesn’t look the same. If what you’re advising works for you, that’s good, and congratulations.

But in the world of actual mental illnesses, it’s a bit more complicated. 🥺
Reject · 26-30, M
@bijouxbroussard People make it complicated because everyone wants to think they’re right in everything they choose. God forbid they’re wrong and have to change. Why is that such a horrible thing to accept? Why is being a human who maybe was mistaken on something worse than a lifetime of sadness?
@Reject You [b]don’t[/b] get it. Never mind.
Reject · 26-30, M
@bijouxbroussard Alright. Thanks for your comment.
I think that humankind needs to realise we need to let ourselves FEEL.
FEEL it all : the saddness , the excitement, the anger , the fear, the joy.....ALL of it .


We rationalise , compartmentalise, overthink , push away, and sometimes end up relying on a cocktail of drugs to end up denying processing what we feel , till we are only existing.

Life is pain .
But life is also all of the others. Deny one feeling, and you deny the others as well.

We need to cry , laugh, shout, lament, whisper and scream.

Acceptance of the negative is the first step to processing it, then acclimating it .
Life has sorrows, hurt and pain, but to deny ourselves times of happiness and joy becuase of it, is like denying the day because of the night .

We need both.

Sometimes we have an imbalance, and it seems all darkness, but i do agree it should never stop us from searching for the light .

Sometimes we fail , but sometimes we succeed .

Sometimes we have to lose, to hurt to burn through the darkness to get to the light .....and its a lot of hard work and a lot of time .

Life is a wheel , it turns .
We are not meant to stay in one state forever.
Reject · 26-30, M
@OogieBoogie I’ve really enjoyed talking with you Boogie! I’m currently brainstorming the next step I plan to take with my journey in this seemingly impossible task. Always choosing happiness. If you like, I could let you know of my progress if and when I make any. I’m already acting on a plan I’ve made.
@Reject thankyou.

I dont know , everyones journey is different . And i dont plan. I try to pick one doeable mental or physical process, and try to add it into my life.
Im a one day at a time type person right now.
Im just dealing with my own life.
I choose not to get close to other people as im easily distracted into care mode .....and i kinda need to learn the art if self care, and self introspection.

In fact , im not here as much, becuase of that.
Sw is great, but its also an addiction, and a diversion.

Its about learning to put my focus on me, not on distracting myself too much .

I hope you understand .

It has been a good conversation. Thankyou 🤗
Reject · 26-30, M
@OogieBoogie I understand. One thing is for sure. You have excellent priorities! Remember, self love is easily defined as any happiness you create for yourself, as yourself, by yourself. I can see you’re well on your way to doing that telling me all you have. So don’t stop! Keep it going and maybe one day you can tell me how far you’ve come. 🤗
SatyrService · 100+, M
you can choose to TRY to be Happy
[quote][i]Pursuit[/i] of happiness [/quote]
but is is uncool for folks to say that to the unhappy. It BLAMES them. "it's your fault you are not happy"

outside conditions and persons act on us in ways that can crush happiness.
those who think we can just decide to be happy are most often those
far from suffering
Fluffybull · F
@SatyrService Agree. Sweeping statements with no knowledge of people's awful experiences are cruel and stupid. Just another idiot to be blocked, IMO.
Reject · 26-30, M
@Fluffybull I’m cruel and stupid for talking about my perspective that helped me? Whew. If you find someone getting better to be that offensive, that says a lot.
SatyrService · 100+, M
@Reject sounds like success to me! you are to be congratulated.
Reject · 26-30, M
@ABCDEF7 Exactly right. It’s simple, but easy for people to forget. No one needs anything to be any kind of way. Just their beautiful self with a commitment to whatever matters most to them.
ABCDEF7 · M
@Reject Happiness is our default nature. But over a period of our life we learn to become miserable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9u8KqFZlu8
Reject · 26-30, M
@ABCDEF7 I believe that. It explains why kids are generally happy. It’s why everyone knows what they want in life.
Happiness is all in moments. People think we're supposed to aim to live this "happy life" & find happiness but it's really not something you find. You have to create it & enjoy what moments of it you have. Because everything has it's moments. Sadness, anger, everything & we have to feel all of that. There's no such thing as complete happiness & dying with a smile. We work every day for it 🤷 & it's hard

I'm just trying to find peace. Not happiness. I'll take whatever feelings I get along the way & find calm in the storm
Reject · 26-30, M
@ChiefWalksWith40oz Happiness is temporary, this is true, but the commitment to it isn’t. It is in those when you are not happy that your commitment to it will take you there. For some people that is peace. Either way, you’re right. It’s extremely hard.
Joeyyy · 26-30, M
Yup I get that. I dealt with depression for 10 years, traumas, anxiety, you name it.
The only time things changed was when I did something about it, learned to take care of myself, make choices that would make me happy.

The last 6 months have been especially hard, but everytime I felt very low I'd call someone, take a walk, run, lift weights. Didn't always work straight away but good habits create happiness also. I wouldn't listen to sad music and think bad things.

Chemically for a small percentage of people it isn't a choice but that's rare. That and some can't afford therapy (hell even I can't really).
Reject · 26-30, M
@Joeyyy Yes! The biggest point I want anyone to take from this is that I only got help when I did something myself that was up to me. It’s a very active thing that you make happen and because of that. It’s hard. You seem to have figured that out which is farther than many people with mental issues have gone.

Its true there exist chemical imbalances in brains that will force sadness no matter what, that’s why the trick is learning to love that shortcoming and start seeing it as an asset. A strength. You’ll only discover how it can be that once you’ve fought it so many times you know it’s every move and how to counter it. Overcoming yourself is the lesson here.

You do exactly that when you form a positive habit that you can stick to as you have. It doesn’t always work, for those who have exceptionally bad mental illnesses, it’s not going to work at all for quite some time. Thus you lie to yourself and say it’s working and then commit everything to that lie. One day, you won’t see it coming, but you’ll notice things are just a little bit easier. At that point, you’ll have been fighting with no reward for so long that it won’t matter anymore. You’ll solider on anyways because you’ll realize it wasn’t actually about having an easier life. It was about embracing the hard one.
This is coming from someone who has gone through 38 of his 39 years in some situations not many would come out of in one piece mentally or physically but I survived, and I don’t know how I finally learned my subtle are of not giving a flying shit but finally figured it out.

Not caring about what other people think of me or what I stand for.
If I cared that much I would try so hard to be someone Im not or a “yes man” just to fit in with the flock or………..I couldn’t be fucked getting out of bed in the morning.

I’ve had haters in my life, why? Because I stood up for something I believed in, someone I believed in or standing my ground.
One or two of those haters tried to take me down and failed. Better luck next time 🤣😂😂.

And that’s the attitude of someone not giving a fuck, and I am who I am without any need to impress or please anyone against my will.
Reject · 26-30, M
@AwakeningConfession221122 Hey, I can respect that. If not caring what people think is the happiness you can make for yourself then that’s what matters. I’m often a very similar way. People pleasing in any situation that isn’t your job is tricky because more times than not, it just makes things worse for you both. At least your way leaves you feeling good.
@Reject I have to admit. It’s a lesson that can potentially take a whole live time to learn.
Reject · 26-30, M
@AwakeningConfession221122 It definitely can. I have a lot of admiration though for anyone who went through something serious and found a way to survive without needing anyone else. That to me is the point of life.
elafina · 31-35, F
I second this, happiness is a choice. I can see it daily in subtle moments, where i chose i will continue thinking of what happened yesterday or focus at where i am at in each moment.
I present myself with the choice when i feel the bad vibes from the guy in the super market and then know i have picked that up and shake it off. The moment where i feel bitter just because sunset saddens me, i can see it. I tell myself "it's the moment, it's just for now, it'll pass".
But i wasn't able to experience deeper happiness until i let myself feel all the sadness of the world that it wanted to feel.
Reject · 26-30, M
@elafina Yes. It’s all the little positive habits you make for yourself when you’re self aware enough to understand what you’re doing wrong. It’s okay to feel bad. In fact you have to. You need to process that emotion like any other. Only through it can true happiness be known.
Gaiia · F
Isn't that simple really, not if depression or some mental illness is part of you, you won't see things so clearly but you can try to have a better life regardless, seeking help if needed, with help.. Meds if nessesarily, to feel better but even if it helps it's not a warranty to be "happy".

Depression isn't the same as "sadness" .

Isn't a "commitment" it's not something you decide you know.
Reject · 26-30, M
@Gaiia So, you believe that in some cases, since it depends, depression cannot be solved?
Gaiia · F
@Reject 🙃🙃🙃 read my reply before again. I don't think it needs that much explanation really.
Goodnight 🙃🙃🙃
Reject · 26-30, M
@Gaiia Alright. Goodnight.
InferenceEngine · 26-30, M
I agree and I'm praying so hard everyday that you're right. 🤣
I've been doing this for years and I think I'm at a breaking point right now in my life.

Fake it till you make it as they say but what if you don't make it.

I guess I'll have to find a way to be happy with the outcome no matter what.
Reject · 26-30, M
@InferenceEngine Some people don’t make it, but what’s the alternative? Just dying without having tried enough because you gave up? The fact that you’re even choosing to struggle right now is a good thing believe it or not. Make no mistake, life is going to be hard no matter what, but it’s better to have it be hard in whatever way you choose as opposed to whatever way the world decides for you.
I get what you’re saying about choosing a certain path - happiness. The more you choose it, the more you commit to it, the more it becomes who you are.

On the other extreme, if one chooses to be sad , or find sadness and misery in every aspect of their lives, the get swallowed in this pattern of thinking nothing is going right… that nothing is worth being happy about.

BUT life does not happen as the end result of these 2 choices. There should be considerations for people’s emotional makeup, mental health, devastating life circumstances that are difficult to recover from.

Happiness (or sadness) might be seen by people as a choice. But it is not made by the flick of switch. It doesn’t come that easy.
Reject · 26-30, M
@CookieCrumbs Yes, those mental patterns are things people often don’t realize. There’s always going to be a million things happening to you no matter who you are. Rich people in first world countries still struggle like the poor in third world ones. Just for different reasons. The brain adapts and will always find something to complain about, unless you train it otherwise. I’m not saying it’s a flick of switch because again, whims don’t count. You don’t get that switch just wanting it one day.
Reject · 26-30, M
@Concretedust Yes. How about that? 😝
@Reject 🤔 maybe!
I like the way the threads are being dealt on this post.
Best wishes to all.
Reject · 26-30, M
@sspec I’m happy you found something of value! Best wishes to everyone indeed no matter where they are on their journey. I’m not sure anyone believed me, but I didn’t write it so they would, I wrote it because I do.
WhateverWorks · 36-40
I agree to an extent and that we have the ability to choose actions, which will promote happiness or at least more opportunities for happiness. Not a big fan of that whole gaslighting yourself into warping your perception of reality to the point that piss is rain though. It ends up creating this labyrinth of unhealthy coping mechanisms that take people further away from happiness.
Reject · 26-30, M
@WhateverWorks Nothing wrong with seeing the good in something as long as you also acknowledge the bad.
I think it should be rephrased as happens is a habit.
Reject · 26-30, M
@LillythTheBehemoth That is certainly a better way to phrase it because while it is a choice, it doesn’t become one until it’s a habit.
Ferric67 · M
This is a wonderfully true analogy
Reject · 26-30, M
@Ferric67 Thanks! I wrote this because it’s what helped me, but if I helped anyone else in any kind of way, even if just by affirming what they already know, then that’s another reason to be happy.
Dshhh · M
this position is often taken by those with privilege

Its the Ayn Rand syndrome. you don't even have to have read it.. it is clear you learn from those who did
Dshhh · M
@Reject privilege is NOT fiscal status, tho it can provide that
Privilege literally means [i]Private Law[/i]
where some have to follow the rules.. while others [i]exercise privilege,[/i] so they may choose not to comply, while others must bend the knee
Reject · 26-30, M
@Dshhh No one must do anything. The funny thing about choice is no one has to make one ever for any reason. They can decide to or they can not and both carry their own consequences. So I hope you pick whichever works for you.
Dshhh · M
@Reject indeed let all make their own choices
UnertraeglicherSpasti · 22-25, M
I have become so good at lying to myself that I honestly don't know which feeling is real... Strange times
Reject · 26-30, M
@UnertraeglicherSpasti The real feeling is whichever one you commit to.
kimmy159 · 26-30, F
I would rather call it a choice to persue and focus on happiness ^^
Reject · 26-30, M
@kimmy159 That works too! That is more accurate actually to the initial power we all have in this. The choice to literal happiness doesn’t come until much later.
kimmy159 · 26-30, F
@Reject From my personal view, I don’t believe you can literally choose to be or become happy.
For example, I went through a serious depression, I would even call it ‘existential crisis’, which lasted for about 5 years.
During that time, I never had the idea or even the slightest impression I could just choose to be happy. What I did do was, waking up every day and chosing to chase happiness or trying to do things that made me feel happy.
It only got better when I finally had the chance to re-focus my entire life on something (or I should say someone) else; my child. As soon as he was born, I felt like I was no longer the main star of my entire being, it automatically solved my problem of lacking purpose.
Afterwards, I felt like I was too focused on trying to ‘create’ some form of hapiness. In reality, it just had to ‘overcome’ me. If that makes any sense xD
Reject · 26-30, M
@kimmy159 That makes sense. The body builder can’t jump straight to deadlifting 500 pounds. He must start with smaller amounts. You better believe though that once he gets up there, he can lift that 500 by mere choice. Before that though? It would have been impossible. He overcame impossible because he found something he wanted to commit to. You did the same thing. So personally, I don’t think it’s impossible to choose happiness. It just take lot of work to get there.
WaryWitchWandering · 31-35, F
You’re not wrong…
Reject · 26-30, M
@WaryWitchWandering Witchy! Thanks for not feeling like I’m wrong in what genuinely works for me. I understand it won’t work for everyone. Someone’s mind is exceptionally powerful and can refuse any reality it’s present in. I just started training mine to use that ability for good instead of bad.
WaryWitchWandering · 31-35, F
@Reject I don’t think everyone is capable of this at all times

I’ve been through some stuff mentally that the mindset of “just try to be happy” never would have touched

But the more stable I get, I can try… I do see results when I can just let the fuck go

You know what I mean?
Reject · 26-30, M
@WaryWitchWandering Well, I’ll be honest with you. I’m most certainly not capable of it at all times. I agree. The mindset of trying to be happy didn’t work for me either. After I lost my dad when I was 7. It didn’t work for the next 20 years of my life. I had to lie to myself and say I could choose happiness when it was so obvious I couldn’t and it stayed that way for more years than I’d like to admit.

Like you, like everyone, I’m a work in progress but also like you, I’ve found many results and now? 8 out of 10 times I can choose happiness. Those 2 times I can’t? I keep faith until I do. That sure beats the 0 out of 10 times I dealt with before! We let go when there’s something more important to hold onto. I know you have that something.
FukFaceWillie · 46-50, M
Reject · 26-30, M
@FukFaceWillie Sometimes indeed. Not always!

 
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