Happiness is a choice.

You ever wonder why so many people disagree with this? It’s because it’s not one. At least not at first. You have to lie to yourself for a very long time before those lies start to become truths, but in doing so, you’ll discover the power of choice.

A true choice is not taken on a whim. It’s a commitment. Anything else is false. If you’ve committed to your sadness, don’t expect your whim for happiness to work.

I don’t approach a body builder who’s made that true choice for his lifestyle and expect to lift as much as him just because I chose to at that moment. So why would I look at his accomplishment and tell him it’s not a choice? One he so clearly made.

If you’re depressed, you’re the bodybuilder of sadness. So I wouldn’t expect you to have any clue on how to be happy. Guess what? It’s just as hard as being miserable because just like anything you give yourself to, it’s a commitment. It’s not easy.

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Busybee333 · 31-35, F

I will speak from my own experience. Lies only go that far. At the first reminder of my "past" scars, the pain comes back alive and I am reminded that I was fooling myself. And that pain makes me feel alive in some kind of cruel way. I tried to ignore it. I tried to bury it back into that shadowy corner of my mind. And one day it just exploded in my mind. Because of the pressure of holding back and running away from that pain.. the suffering trippled. So I found a new way:
1. Give yourself the time you need to grieve. You must face it. Breathe through the pain in full gulps. Find safe ways to channel the sadness and frustration away. For me being in nature and focusing on a hobby or a totally new thing helped me liberate myself partially.
2. Keep breathing, you get used to it and it becomes easier.
3. The scar will remain, but eventually, because you got used to carry the burden, at some point you don't feel the weight.. or you do, but you don't suffer the same way.. the pain subsides to something else.
4. Resilience - you make a conscious choice of a step forward to a direction of your choice.

The river must pass straight through you, for you to realize you're the ocean. And the more rivers join, the more strength you build. By overcoming. By your will to be enduring and better. The will to heal because you have more important things to accomplish and .. living straight through this, at your own pace... is the only thing that will truly liberate you and make you feel some kind of long-lasting, stable contentment, which is better than a second of happiness. This kind of balance is what I think we are seeking... the strength to maintain your contentment through thick and thin. I believe every human has the capacity to adapt and evolve at will. Give yourself time and do it one breath at a time :)

Reject · 26-30, M

@Busybee333 Definitely allow yourself to process any emotions you need to! The danger most people face is holding onto those negative feelings. Sometimes they do that by running away from them, or they do that by justifying them. Either way, I like the word you used. “Channeling” those emotions. It’s when you feel them, but they don’t stop you from trying to live a better life.

People think happiness is temporary, but for me it’s not. It’s an emotion I can summon anytime because it comes from me and not my surroundings. But it could also be seen as that ocean with the rivers going into it. The strength to maintain contentment through thick and thin. Thank you for saying all that though! There is much wisdom in someone who survived trauma and no longer lives in it. It sounds like you’re one of those people.

Wiseacre · F

👍@Busybee333