Happiness is a choice.

You ever wonder why so many people disagree with this? It’s because it’s not one. At least not at first. You have to lie to yourself for a very long time before those lies start to become truths, but in doing so, you’ll discover the power of choice.

A true choice is not taken on a whim. It’s a commitment. Anything else is false. If you’ve committed to your sadness, don’t expect your whim for happiness to work.

I don’t approach a body builder who’s made that true choice for his lifestyle and expect to lift as much as him just because I chose to at that moment. So why would I look at his accomplishment and tell him it’s not a choice? One he so clearly made.

If you’re depressed, you’re the bodybuilder of sadness. So I wouldn’t expect you to have any clue on how to be happy. Guess what? It’s just as hard as being miserable because just like anything you give yourself to, it’s a commitment. It’s not easy.

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Carissimi · 70-79, F

What a load of codswallop! Go hand this out to anyone bereaved, like the Uvalde parents. Give it to someone who is suicidal. It’s not helpful at all. In fact it’s harmful because it puts the blame on the person suffering when they grieve a loss, and are not happy clappy. It’s insulting and dangerous.

Magenta · F

@Carissimi Spot on.
I despise this whole fad of "we must be happy at all costs". <<< Whatever that is. Seems like pretense.

Reject · 26-30, M

@Carissimi You know what’s more harmful and dangerous then telling someone they can do something about it? Telling them they can’t.

Abstraction · 61-69, M

@Reject [quote]You know what’s more harmful and dangerous then telling someone they can do something about it? Telling them they can’t.[/quote]
I think it's dangerous to speak as if there are only two options that both involve telling.
Do you have a lot of experience working with grieving, depressed, people with mental illness, people who have been abused, crushed? People with anxiety? To be effective, hopefully, you have to first reach them in the place they are, in a way that makes sense. The essence of what you are saying is true, but sometimes that's out of reach, sometimes it's not the time, sometimes telling someone simple answers can tell them you've never been in their shoes and have no freaking idea what that's like.

Reject · 26-30, M

@Abstraction I do have a lot of experience working with people like that. I used to be a motivational speaker for them. That was a long time ago though. It’s very easy to say what you are. To say you must make sense to them. You can go on and on about the perfect way to do something for effectiveness. If you need to talk at length about what other should do for you then you’ve missed the point entirely. If you need someone else to coddle your sensibilities and be understanding in whatever way you want then you don’t have a clue about anything I’m saying here. That person doesn’t exist for you. I’m not going to be them, no one is, and depending on that is what eventually put all of those patients in that hospital. I’ll tell you many things. Some you might not like, but I’m not going to enable the issues that put you where you are.

Abstraction · 61-69, M

@Reject [quote] It’s very easy to say what you are. [/quote]
That you can make this presumptive statement so incorrectly tells me a lot about who you are and says nothing at all about who I am or what I think.
You seemed to think I want help from others. In fact I counselled people for many years - real people. Suicide attempts, people abused, people wrestling with inner trauma. I've been there for people in the real world in the mess with them. It's not news to me that happiness requires a change of thinking - but some people need a little bit more help than a motivational talk.
[quote]but I’m not going to enable the issues that put you where you are.[/quote]
Where I am? I have a global level position in a large NGO which I have because I'm highly effective at what I do. I'm also a published author and I'll stop there because you'll think I'm making it up - but you're right, you didn't enable me to get here.

Reject · 26-30, M

@Abstraction Talking is easy. It’s action that’s hard. That’s what I was saying, but I wasn’t even talking about you specifically, yes, I addressed you and my comment was directed towards you, but think of it as the royal you. Maybe then you won’t have to waste so much breath on justifying yourself to me like that matters.

SW-User

@Reject I'm real curious if you've ever had a bad heartbreak or lost a loved one to death or friends or other grieving situations?

Reject · 26-30, M

@SW-User I lost my father to cancer when I was seven. It took me more than 13 years to stop crying about it. There’s also a girl I knew who broke up with me about 6 years ago. I still cry about her.

SW-User

@Reject I'm saddened for your losses.

Carissimi · 70-79, F

Motivational speaker huh? Figures. No empathy, no heart or soul, no compassion, just speak for the money. It’s more about you than anyone else. You are on a different plane than say, a therapist who is trained to help people with real mental/emotional problems. You don’t get it because you can’t. Your mentality is on a different wavelength. Trauma is not just about a change of attitude, it’s imprinted on the nervous system. Motivational speaking has its place, especially for the healthy, but it’s transient.

I’m sorry, but I hold nothing but contempt for people like you. @Reject

Reject · 26-30, M

@Carissimi I didn’t make any money. I was actually another patient there. Once a week we would all gather in the rec room to talk about our progress within those walls. During this time I used to stand up and give those speeches because the other patients really liked them and wanted me to keep doing it. I would often point out specific ones and have them stand with me to explain how much better I could see them becoming. Sorry you feel that way though.