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child support?

my sons father doesnt want to help me and wants to guve up his rights because i dont want to be with him and i dont think thats fair because he has a huge settlement and i need help and i would ask him for help he tells me he will give up his rights. If i apply for child support will he still be ordered to pay child support because this isnt fair!! Everyday hes telling me im going to suffer and its not fair at all , he constantly dangles how he has 100 k in his account because his mom died in a hospital.. regardless of the fact, men should not be able to run from responsibilities!!

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Sapio · 46-50, M

You're right. Men should not be able to run from their responsibilities but if they're paying child support, they should also get to see their children.

I paid child support right up until my order was no longer in effect. There were times I fell behind but I worked, hustled and got caught up. However, my biological children were used as a weapon of manipulation and I was told that the money I paid never went towards them. I have a problem with that. Accountability goes both ways.

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Sapio · 46-50, M

@updown2020 no there isn't anything in place to hold a payee accountable and I don't think there ever will be. In some cases there should be mind you but at the end of the day, it is what it is.

updown2020 · 61-69, M

@Sapio I also believe that when the parents splite up the kids should be the first ones to get lawyer because they are used and abused and used as ponds in the split up and that is very very wrong. The parents want to split up thats fine leave the kids out of it.

Spoiledbrat · F

If it pays the bills that's all that matters. @Sapio

updown2020 · 61-69, M

Well take him to court and get the law to get you child support and even back child support.

Iwillwait · M

He's financially responsible for your child. Whether or not he wants legal access. Fight for your kid in court.

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Diotrephes · 70-79, M

@hopefulmoon If you want to drop the nuclear bomb just have a calm discussion with him and tell him how much you love the child and want to provide for him as a good parent should. Tell him that you know that he loves his son and that in the interest of eliminating further conflict, you are willing to let him have sole custody to raise to adulthood without your interference, but, that since you are poor, you won't be able to give him any financial support. I may have missed the boy's age but if he's a toddler chances are your husband will do a quick retreat. Of course there's always the chance that he will say yes but make it clear that you won't be able to pay any child support or the deal is off.

Diotrephes · 70-79, M

@CactusJackManson

So she shouldn't take him to court because he might kill her?

She wote:

imma be honest , my sons father is abusive and has almost killed me in the past , we have a restraining order but of course i need help and i want to be safe .

Based on her comments, the guy is very dangerous. Are you a gambler?

CactusJackManson · 46-50, M

He can't just "Give up his rights" and not expect to have to pay child support

Mamapolo2016 · F

I couldn’t see where you live, which is smart and perfectly okay. But I can’t pretend to give a good answer because I’m sure it varies a lot.

I will venture to suggest you contact the police in regard to this, and do not forget the threats of violence.

If it’s possible for you, hire a lawyer who’s familiar with child support matters. Child support hearing is likely where you’ll end up. If you can, file for back child support. Be sure to attend the hearing and try to have your side (the short, non-rambling version) ready when you get there.

I so wish you well.

in10RjFox · M

Ethically he has to pay. But enforcing basically depends on the country you are.

Iwillwait · M

@in10RjFox Ethically and legally

DrWatson · 70-79, M

Giving up his rights is not the same thing as giving up his responsibilities.

I will join with others here in urging you to get knowledgeable legal advice from a local source.

Initially at least, you can get information for free, from phone helplines or a women's resource center. But eventually you will probably need a lawyer.

4meAndyou · F

@DrWatson Yes, and there are pro-bono lawyers available at times. She might not even need to pay.

Primnproper · 56-60, F

Take legal advice, he’s still responsible for them.

4meAndyou · F

A father can't just decide to give up his rights to his child. That's BS. He is responsible if his DNA is part of that child, and he MUST pay child support, even if you don't want to be with him. That's the law.

Harmonium1923 · 51-55, M

Please get a lawyer to help. He will need to pay child support, but you need a good advisor who knows the local laws and court system.

stound

Giving up his rights doesn't do anything for his responsibilities. That said, his responsibility is for the kid. If you're trying to turn your kid into some sort of shim for deadbeat dad to have to pay your bills, you're no better than deadbeat dad.

hopefulmoon · 26-30, F

@stound no i actually need help with my son , i have no family whatsoever ..my son needs clothes and shoes .

InHeaven · F

definitely go to court .....he should ve thought about "giving up his right" before he made this baby, not after...The money will be taken out of his paycheck automatically each month right after they do the saliva dna test which court will also send him to

smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F

Take him to Court

Fluffybull · F

Take him to court.

TheOneyouwerewarnedabout · 46-50, MVIP

As a man.
Imagine being told you can no longer see you kids unless you pay $$$.

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4meAndyou · F

@TheOneyouwerewarnedabout If I had a child and lost custody, or shared custody, I would fully expect to pay child support. I am so sick of these whiny people who don't want to acknowledge that their own children can't live on one low paycheck.

TheOneyouwerewarnedabout · 46-50, MVIP

@4meAndyou your missing the point.
And I hope You’al never get told those words..
pay money or no kids

4meAndyou · F

@TheOneyouwerewarnedabout No. I am not missing the point. If you have kids, you support the kids. The end.

Missbirdie1986 · F

Child support can go either way it depends who earns how much more than the other it’s not just the husband’s responsibility always depends where you live

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

He may want to give up his rights, but he cannot give up his responsibilities to his child. Apply for child support.

Midlifemale · 61-69, M

Legally, he HAS to pay you.
So call a lawyer and take him to court and you will win

luckranger71 · 51-55, M

In most states he cannot “give up his rights” i.e. terminate his parental rights absent a formal step parent adoption proceeding in court. You should contact your county child support agency.

Reflection2 · M

men are design to be responsible and to provide. Fight for it and yes, courts usually side with mom's.

updown2020 · 61-69, M

@Reflection2 Well most men are like that but there are thousands that are not like that, That's why some of the prisons are full and some cannot drive because in some states if you do not pay child support your driver license is suspended until they start paying . And some go as far as quieting there jobs and find jobs that pay cash or they collect welfare. Oh and I forgot people have their paychecks siezed and child support is taken right off the pay check.

HootyTheNightOwl

See a lawyer, don't rely on internet experts.

hopefulmoon · 26-30, F

@HootyTheNightOwl i understand but some people may have expierence u never know

HootyTheNightOwl

@hopefulmoon Each situation is unique, though... what worked for one might not apply in your case or even apply differently. You might be in a different country/state/jurisdiction.

I know when I try reaching out for support and advice, a lot of what I get best applies to American citizens and not so much to me. I appreciate that they try, though and say nothing because it might help someone else who needs help but can't reach out and talk about what they are going through.

hopefulmoon · 26-30, F

@HootyTheNightOwl ah i see i dont know how this works because i never looked at the information . i thought he could help me. i genuiely have no family .. inhave a good job but its not enough .. o barely can buy things for me or my son. I hope the courts can help me truly

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

You need to talk to a solicitor/lawyer specialising in family law where you live to see what options you have.

Royricky09

You don't work?

hopefulmoon · 26-30, F

@Royricky09 i actually do , i dont recieve food stamps and live by myself so no im not these women on food stamps and recieve public assistance . im actually by myself