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Let's say you have 4k in savings...

And you're going to use it to move away to another country and stay with someone while you get your life together.

But a relative knows you have that amount and they want to borrow it to buy their own stuff/pay bills.

Are you obligated to give it to them? Or is it okay to say, "No, that's my savings to move with."


* This is a serious question btw... 馃槬
Oldest First | Newest First | Top
GLITTER31-35, F
No. It鈥檚 your money. You do what you want with it
JupiterDreams26-30
[@610096,GLITTER] 馃尫
NovascelM
Hell no, don't give them crap. Tell them you already used it to pay off something important if you have to lie. I can give you a billion lies and even then some馃槒
JupiterDreams26-30
[@332555,Novascel] I'll keep that in mind haha
Kristinamichelle31-35, F
No you are absolutely not obligated to loan your life savings out. You may never get it back. Your first obligation is to yourself.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@5558,Kristinamichelle] True... 馃尫
QueenOfQuirkF
No, say that it鈥檚 in a fixed deposit acc so you can鈥檛 help it
JupiterDreams26-30
[@10636,QueenOfQuirk] I'll keep that in mind 馃槸
MarineBob56-60, M
That is YOUR money
JupiterDreams26-30
[@2021,MarineBob] True...
Blueclearsky46-50, M
Money and families do not mix well.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1198743,Blueclearsky] Ooo I know, I've loaned money in the past... Never got any back. One time it was $600, the other was 2k 馃槙
Blueclearsky46-50, M
[@381079,JupiterDreams] You just answered your own question.....It is YOUR money
DragonFruit61-69, M
Unless you owe money to the relative, you have no obligation to give them any of your money.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@475592,DragonFruit] 馃尫
Lackwittyname46-50, M
No, it is your savings, you are the one that planned and saved. Regardless of the situation of the relative, poor planning or something tragic happened, you have to do for yourself to better yourself.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1430,Lackwittyname] 馃尫
Gangstress36-40, F
No. Are they the same people you're staying with?
Gangstress36-40, F
[@381079,JupiterDreams] that sucks, if a friend needed lodgings, I'd give them that, but the rest is up to me,I'd never put my financial concern on anyone but me

The saying no is hard but be polite. You have your own concerns,and alas,they come first x
JupiterDreams26-30
[@467717,Gangstress] Definitely... Thank you 馃尫
Gangstress36-40, F
[@381079,JupiterDreams] Queenofquirks response is a good one! And one where they can't make ya feel bad x
YourMomsForbiddenCrush51-55, M
my relatives have no freakin clue how much i have and i will keep it that way. LOL
JupiterDreams26-30
[@449169,YourMomsForbiddenCrush] Lol 馃ぃ
[@449169,YourMomsForbiddenCrush] Lest they start to swarm like a zombie horde.
YourMomsForbiddenCrush51-55, M
[@232861,MrBlueSky] 90 percent of them are no problem..... but there are a couple who are money grubbers. they are on a need to know basis..... and they dont need to know shit. LOL
LucyFuhr51-55, F
The only person you're obligated to is YOU!
That's not just your money, that's your [b][i][u]dream[/u][/i][/b].
JupiterDreams26-30
[@8345,LucyFuhr] Thank you 馃尫
JustNik46-50, F
You are most certainly NOT obligated! You worked toward a goal of living YOUR life the way you wanted to. They should learn from your actions. Be strong!! 馃
JupiterDreams26-30
[@23104,JustNik] 馃
You aren鈥檛 obligated.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1188491,ColonelPringle] 馃尫
Xipooh26-30, M
Pfft no wtf. If they're having to borrow that much money then I doubt you'll be getting it back either. That's your savings.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@877165,Xipooh] 馃尫
LunarOrbit56-60, M
Its your money. And its not alot so be frugal
JupiterDreams26-30
[@488176,LunarOrbit] 馃尫
This message was deleted by its author.
FaeLuna26-30, F
No, you should never be feel obligated to give money to a relative. It's your money that you earned, and they have no say in what happens to it. They can ask all they want, but you absolutely can refuse.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@748264,FaeLuna] 馃尫
deadgerbil22-25, M
JupiterDreams26-30
[@761112,deadgerbil] 馃尫
DunningKruger56-60, M
You say no. I don't know why this is even a question.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@10617,DunningKruger] I struggle with saying [i]no[/i] and I've never really learned boundaries or when it's okay to think of myself... I feel guilt whenever I do, like I'm selfish 馃槬
DunningKruger56-60, M
[@381079,JupiterDreams] Quoting Zoe Bee from YouTube: "Do no harm 鈥 but take no shit."
PatheticZombieClown46-50, M
No. You're not obligated to do so, and neither to give explanations on what the money is for, maybe out of courtesy mention just that you already have that money allocated to something.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@961154,PatheticZombieClown] 馃尫
FairydustF
No it鈥檚 yours 馃檪
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1042,Fairydust] 馃馃尫
it's not my business, but dont you dare loan them the money, get your life together, that is your number 1 priority. You saved, they could too if they wanted. Do not let them guilt you into thinking you are obligated to in any way
JupiterDreams26-30
[@446022,Bushmanoz] Thank you 馃尫
MarmeeMarchM
Borrow it ? I personally don't see you getting that money back.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@760047,MarmeeMarch] 馃槬馃尫
Jeffrey5151-55, M
No, Your not obligated to help anyone.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@865932,Jeffrey51] 馃尫
Havesomefun56-60, M
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1194876,Havesomefun] 馃尫
Roadsterrider51-55, M
NO, you are not obligated help anyone. I recently inherited a 5 acre tract of land from my mother when she passed away. There was a considerable sum sent to me for oil and gas royalties from the property, about $75,000. People were coming out of the woodwork to get a part of the cash. I helped all three of my children out with a portion of the money, bought a few things I wanted with some of it and the rest went into savings. I am hoping to retire in a few years and whatever I can amass in savings will make my retirement more likely to be a success. It seems like more and more people feel it is someone else's responsibility to bail them out when they over extend themselves. I have overextended myself a few times over the years, and I always managed to dig myself out, sometimes it hurt more than others. But, it was my own fault and I didn't expect anyone else to help me. I have one son who doesn't ask for money, he wants to do his own thing, one son who feels I am obligated to bail him out of whatever mess he gets himself into. And one daughter who absolutely hates to ask for help. Sometimes it is hard to say no to my oldest some when he gets himself in a fix and needs a bail out. At some point, he needs to be a grown up about his actions though. In the great scheme of things I try to decide if they need help because they did something bone headed or they are just a victim of circumstances, in that case I am more likely to try to help. I try to just let them ride out the bone headed stuff.

If your relative wants to pay off bills and buy stuff, I would say they needed to save a little cash each payday till they can afford what they want instead of expecting you to pick up the tab.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@830583,Roadsterrider] Thank you, that makes a lot of sense 馃尫
Roadsterrider51-55, M
[@381079,JupiterDreams] I am sorry to say that it took me till about 35 years or so to figure out I needed to save something instead of spending every dime between paychecks. Even a few dollars a month will eventually add up to a significant sum.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@830583,Roadsterrider] That's true! 鈽猴笍
MarmeeMarchM
But enough of input from us - you are free to do what you want with it. Use your own self as a guide.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@760047,MarmeeMarch] Thanks, Marmee
causernamebemyusername26-30, M
Laugh at them instead.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@406636,causernamebemyusername] 馃槄
JoyfulSilence46-50, M
I would decline. You need it and it may be a while before they can pay you back.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@68716,JoyfulSilence] 馃尫
JoePourMan61-69, M
Your savings. You are under no obligation to bail out someone who doesn't know how to save
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1097981,JoePourMan] 馃尫
Havesomefun56-60, M
Thank u
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1194876,Havesomefun] Noo, thank you for the advice 馃尫
Havesomefun56-60, M
[@381079,JupiterDreams] well iam old 馃拃鈽狅笍馃懘馃鈥嶐煢
ExtremeNext31-35
I really need the money wifey 馃槆
JupiterDreams26-30
[@412438,ExtremeNext] I'm sorry, wifey, but noo 馃ズ
ExtremeNext31-35
[@381079,JupiterDreams] you don't love me 馃槴
JupiterDreams26-30
[@412438,ExtremeNext] I dooo, bby, besides... You know I'm a housewifey 馃槣
tk999941-45, M
You are not obligated to give them anything.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1135204,tk9999] 馃尫
It depends how close u are with this relative 1st of all. And it depends how much they asking. if that's a few hundred dollars then sure its okay. But only if you guys are close. and it also depends if u can actually trust them to use that money to actually fund what they are gonna use that for..
Otherwise the easy answer would be no..
You are not responsible to anybody else financially except your children. If they need to borrow the money from you it generally means they don't have it of their own.. how are they going to get it back to you? Wherever they are going to get THAT money from is also where they should get it from in the first place.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@232861,MrBlueSky] 馃尫
KaliKali31-35, F
Absolutely in no obligation to give them your money. Pick which ever is more important to you.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@401815,KaliKali] 馃尯
Mrsbetweenfatandfit26-30, F
You are under no obligation to give your money away. I鈥檝e experienced this several times. Others believing that I should be the fix to their problems. It鈥檚 not reasonable & I feel no guilt taking care of me. You use that money for what you want to they are not your responsibility.
Mrsbetweenfatandfit26-30, F
[@381079,JupiterDreams] my husband has dealt with this identical situation. ( expect our saved money was for a home) Parents are not owed our money for raising us. They make the choice to have us & then as children we are their responsibility. It鈥檚 not some down payment so the children give away what they earn later. My husband鈥檚 mother has used my husband for so many years there鈥檚 never an end to the requests or guilt trips. You have just one life. Live it to your own standards. Adventure is an important part to life. Don鈥檛 let anyone even family tell you they deserve your money or their need is greater than your desire for life. It鈥檚 untrue, unfair & inappropriate for them to try to convince you of that. Honestly it sounds like to me this trip/ move could be very healthy for you to also create some distance from that kind of environment. My husband still loves his mother of course. But some people really don鈥檛 add to our life & some even take away. My advice use your savings to go away. Start your next adventure. Who knows what you鈥檒l do, who you might be etc You won鈥檛 ever regret living to the fullest. 馃尰
JupiterDreams26-30
[@455213,Mrsbetweenfatandfit] Thank you 馃馃尯
GuyWithOpinions26-30, M
[@381079,JupiterDreams] its a guilt trip
ZenPearlF
No. That's your money. You've worked hard to have it, and it's for a specific goal. Just be honest, and tell them you're using it to move.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@674752,ZenPearl] 馃尯
MiserableAtBest18-21, F
Piece of advice, never tell them exactly how much you have saved, if you must, downplay the real number.

You aren鈥檛 obligated to give them anything if you don鈥檛 wish to.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@473155,MiserableAtBest] Thank you 馃尫
ViciDraco36-40, M
Unless they are in a life or death situation, I wouldn't feel pressured to give them money. You planned and set aside for something to move your life forward. If you put your life on hold for them now you won't be able to help them in the future when they get to the same place again. It's just delaying the inevitable
JupiterDreams26-30
[@657984,ViciDraco] 馃尯
Zaphod4246-50, M
You earned that money and are under absolutely no obligation to give/lend it away.

That said, I suppose it really depends on how close I am to that person and how dependable they鈥檝e proven to be at repaying a loan by a designated date.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@527654,Zaphod42] 馃尯
basilfawlty8931-35, M
No, you're not. It's your money. You made it. To build your life and your life is your own.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@23671,basilfawlty89] 馃尫
AnthroKenji31-35, M
Ah, I have more than 4k, but currently I'm using it to buy a house. However, I do feel the urge to pay off the immediate bills my mom and sister have.

I think there will be time to do that in the future. I don't feel the need to spend it on someone that's NOT family. Maybe I will one day.

I'm not obligated to give it to them, but I am to help out here and there, but thankfully they know what I'm trying to do with my savings and are very supportive.

Lastly, THANKFULLY they can take care of themselves. I can't imaagine having to take care of debt for siblings. I'm sure there's many dealing with that issue.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1132763,AnthroKenji] 馃尯
Manzi51-55, M
Be smart
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1202324,Manzi] 馃尯
AllelujahHaptism31-35, M
its more than ok to say no
& overall i think its best to do so aswell
JupiterDreams26-30
[@702459,AllelujahHaptism] 馃尯
GuyWithOpinions26-30, M
Fuck no! Its your money! You made it. It is yours no matter what. I can understand helping out family but they hve to help themselves. They need to earn thwir own money not take it from their own family. Thats petty of them.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1116878,GuyWithOpinions] 馃馃尯
GunFinger41-45, F
It's your money. You earned it so you have the right to say no. You're not being selfish by doing so. Sometimes you have to take good care of yourself first.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@352154,GunFinger] 馃馃尯
JupiterDreams26-30
[@381079,JupiterDreams] Ooops sorry for the double message 馃槄
GunFinger41-45, F
[@381079,JupiterDreams] all good. Double hugs, and 2 flowers. Thank you.馃馃
mrlopez26-30, M
nope fuck them.. live your life
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1161949,mrlopez] 馃尯
This message was deleted by its author.
ValdaineM
You are never obligated to loan money. Period.
JupiterDreams26-30
[@573519,Valdaine] 馃尯
FurryFace61-69, M
i wish i had 4 k saved up , i can't make a decision on what you're to say or think
JupiterDreams26-30
[@1155,FurryFace] I'm sorry 馃

 
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