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Zaphod42

46-50, M

United States

In a Relationship

Straight

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4345 views · 92 followers · Online: See Last Online »

Just a guy from earth. Definitely from earth.

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Today is the two month anniversary of dads passing. That thought hit me an hour ago and I cried.

No wonder I’ve been out of sorts today.

There’s nothing quite like your girlfriend seeing a picture of you from 20 years ago and exclaiming “Damn, you used to be HOT!!!” 😂

First of the inheritance checks deposited and cleared today! Paid back $6500 in loans from friends (with some thank you interest included)

Feels good to have that off my mind at last 🙂

Ok, I’m declaring today to be a dud. Tomorrow will hereby be Saturday again, and we’ll go on like that the rest of the year.

That is all. Carry on 🥱

If you watch Breaking Bad backwards, it’s a feel good story of a drug kingpin who gives it all up to be a high school teacher when

his cancer goes into complete remission 😁

Is there anything odder than an otter not doing what it autter? 🤔

As a kid I used to watch action movies just thrilled with all the damage, destruction and general carnage.

As an adult I watch those same kind of movies and think “Good lord, I hope the property owners have good insurance!” 😂

If the doctor removes part of your colon, does that leave you with a semicolon? 🤔

Feeling sick a vomiting last night…

GF: I’m four days late, maybe you’re experiencing morning sickness for me! Me: Let’s not consider worst case scenarios yet, maybe I’m just dying 🤭

Our next guest needs no introduction…

*walks off stage*

I’m throwing up, have a headache and have a weird metallic taste in my mouth…

I asked WebMD, and apparently I’m pregnant 😅

My puppy is asleep on my lap 🥰

But I want more coffee 😩

Yaba daba noo! 😂

Did it ever bother anyone else as a kid that this thing has no possible way to steer? Why did it even have a steering wheel? 😂

When they open a new Ikea, how big a box does the store come in? 🤔

The emergency alert system lets you know a meteor the size of a small planet will hit earth in exactly 12 hours…

How do you spend your last few hours alive?

I love watching old shows sometimes. They remind me of simpler times…

When cell phones were the size of bricks and were carried clipped to your belt. When cars would get confused and call their door a jar if it was slightly open. When common sense hadn’t yet been invented, so, knowing there was a killer on the...

I’m watching an Outer Limits episode, and a thought occurred…

“We can deluge you with a thousand channels, or expand a single image to crystal clarity.” Did Outer Limits predict both YouTube and 8K screens in the 90s? 🤔😂

What? You’re interrupting my beauty rest 🥱

Anyone else inexplicably exhausted today?

My GF’s 23 year old daughter is apparently thinking of asking me for a weed gummy to try 😂

My GF told me this 😂

I have the best dog in the world!

He’s a fantastic doorbell, excellent at letting me know my cell phone is ringing while I’m in the shower, and wonderful at cuddling. Sure, he couldn’t beat up your dog, he’s chewed up my glasses stem, and while he’s house trained he still doesn’t...

Finally some good news…neither California nor the IRS taxes inheritances less than $12M

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind getting enough to have to pay tax on it, but at least… 😅

I visited my dad’s home town while I was there for the funeral.

It’s was my grampa’s house where dad and his 5 siblings grew up. Dad’s brother is the current owner. This was the first church (but not the last, lol) that ever asked me not to come back for asking difficult questions (like seriously, every animal...

Prigozhin had to have seen that coming from the moment he stopped his march on Moscow, right? 🤔

Breakfast in Vegas on my baby’s work trip 😊

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bijouxbroussard

Awesome

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