Do I still deserve to see a therapist?

Deserve? One is no better than the other in this world and all deserve the best care. Please keep your appointment. Though you may be feeling better one day, that doesn't mean you're suicidal thoughts might not surface again. I hope they don't but in the meantime you should know that these things can't be cured in one sitting. Keep going. Love yourself enough to see it through all the way.

It's not a matter of deserving, everyone deserves to see a therapist if they want.

Even though you no longer have suicidal thoughts, they could always return. And, your self-hatred thoughts could be a catalyst to that happening.

So, I think it would be prudent for you to continuing seeing your therapist.

Its more than okay to put yourself first, it takes time to find the root of our problems and if you want my opinion as someone who's been to therapy and trains as a therapist you should give that time for yourself.

Take care of yourself first. You need to make yourself a priority so you can than in turn help your family & friends. This is not the place to replace your therapist. You went one time?? seriously? & you need to ask if you should keep your appointment?

You deserve it more in them moments. Imagine breaking your arm and waiting longer to be seen by a doctor. Your mental health deserves to be seen just as much.
That being said, you don't even need to be at these boiling points to prioritise yourself

You got to that point in the past.

Do the therapy and see if it helps to KEEP you away from the brink, ok?

You should, therapists have a way of getting to the root of the matter. Also, self talk will give you a more positive perspective

It's an honest question.
But one for your therapist rather than anyone else.

Yes you should. Please don't stop going.

I tend to feel this way too, sometimes I feel really happy and not sad or tired or depressed at all and I'm like, yeah I guess that was all just make-believe.

Of course you "deserve" to see a therapist. If you fell and broke your leg, you wouldn't ask yourself if you "deserve" to go to the hospital and get treatment. Let's not be sill about therapy. Treating the mind is the same as treating the body. If you need help to get well, you see a doctor!!!

Go.

Let it out.

Allow for time where only you matter.

Set goals.

Let Eeyore have the black clouds. You absorb the sun.

does sound like you need a bit of rewiring 🤔

Everyone deserves to see a therapist. Everyone should see a therapist.

I never seen one in before, even with my messed up past

It’s completely up to you.

That's one of the symptoms of your disease. Don't listen to it. It isn't a real thought, no matter how much it masquerades as one.

Yes