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What would you do differently if you could start over?

I wish that I would have spent less time on trying to make others happy or worrying about what others think of me. I wish I spoke up more and advocated for my needs.

I'm trying to do this more in my 30s.

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1-50 of 55

HowtoDestroyAngels · 46-50, M

I wish I never started drinking when I was 17. That lasted until I was 35 years old. I haven't had a drink in over 11 years, but I wish I could have those years back. I worked, I had a job, I started a family, but it seems like I missed my opportunity for something else along the way. In no way do I regret my kids, but my path could have been very different in life.

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Spumoni · 46-50, M

@HowtoDestroyAngels i hear ya! I would've been a much better person to be around. Still would've divorce though.

HowtoDestroyAngels · 46-50, M

@Spumoni Same here, lol.

froggtongue · M

@HowtoDestroyAngels @Spumoni I sure see you both on that. I'm a bit back and forth. But at the least, to learn how to tell someone no when I didn't want more. And on the other side, to tell myself no when I thought I wanted more.

ThatLady · F

Maybe not getting married?Yeah I love my husband and our child.But certain things I've done(still doing sometimes) because of added pressure of parenting while working in a 9-5 job are guilt tripping me.Maybe if I've stayed unmarried these things won't have mattered much.

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John628 · 18-21, M

@John628 @ThatLady dmmmm haha

ThatLady · F

@John628 If you want you can DM,why me?

John628 · 18-21, M

@ThatLady I already did haha u just didn’t respond. And idkkk

Yourwildestdreams · 51-55, M

It's common to reflect on past experiences and identify areas where we could have done things differently. Your sentiments are relatable, and many people can identify with the desire to have spent less time seeking external validation and more time focusing on their own needs .

You’re now on the benefit of hindsight path👍

JPWhoo · 36-40, M

I kinda wish I could just start over with the knowledge that I’m on the autism spectrum so I could have started getting help when I was a kid instead of waiting until I was 36. I’ve gone through decades of unnecessary loneliness, put downs, and romantic frustrations, and I didn’t have a clue why any of it was happening until about a year ago.

Wiseacre · F

@JPWhoo this is actually not unusual...a friend of mine was diagnosed at 47

JPWhoo · 36-40, M

@Wiseacre Eh, maybe it’s not unusual for people on the spectrum to not find out they’re on the spectrum until their 30’s or 40’s, but the vast majority of people aren’t on the spectrum at all. It feels very lonely, and it has created plenty of uncommon problems for me. For one, I’m still living with my parents who are in their 70’s, and they’re worried that when they die I won’t be able to support myself. Also, I’m not the kind of guy who never wanted to have kids. I’m almost too old to even hope for that now, and I’ve never even been in a relationship before. Not even like back in middle school or anything, never! Maybe the divorce rate is high, and a lot of people never find their “soulmate” or whatever, but everyone has had someone once or twice who loved them or at least shared a mutual attraction with someone for a little while. Not me though.

mindstruggle · 31-35, F

I'm trying so hard to be accepted by others when I can't even accept me. I don't hate myself, I just feel like I'm always rejected. I wish I could change that. It's heartbreaking and it hurts.

Elisbch · M

@mindstruggle

Relatable different periods of my life.

Wiseacre · F

@mindstruggle u've got to fully and proudly accept urself. Here is homework: face a mirror and say those words.

littlepuppywantanewlife · 31-35, M

I started with quitting my job with which I wasn't happy. It is hard but I needed to do this. I wish I could start over again with new career where I am happy and do things accordingly. Also I want to start with my health.

being · 36-40, F

What would I do differently or what could I do differently, I'm thinking...
I think I would try to make me feel safer instead of trying to make me fearless.

Amy78 · 46-50, F

I sometimes wish I could have had a normal childhood but I probably wouldn’t have my kids and grandkids now. So I probably wouldn’t change anything.

John628 · 18-21, M

@Amy78 oh I’m sorry to hear that! Was your childhood not the best? If you ever need to rant or talk about anything I’m here!

Hinckley

That's a hard one, I have made some poor choices in my life, maybe go back to the first really poor choice and take the other path.

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dancingtongue · 80-89, M

Learn how to interact with women much earlier. But given the circumstances of my growing up, that -- and a lot of other things -- probably required the slower path they took. So basically I would have to say, very little. Life is a learning process along the journey.

AnotherWeirdo · 41-45, M

I wish I had less of a "go with the flow" attitude in my 20s and 30s and took action more aggressively. And much less people pleasing as well.

Cassieeeee · 31-35, F

Spoken up about what was going on instead of dissociating..

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being · 36-40, F

@Cassieeeee ya ya no worries I'm talking lots nowadays to compensate for all the silence

Cassieeeee · 31-35, F

@being Same

Spumoni · 46-50, M

@Cassieeeee I know this feeling well. Wish I would've done therapy 15 years ago.

Kiesel · 56-60, M

Well said… relatable

I would have followed through and taken the risk of pursuing a full time music career

CrazyMusicLover · 31-35

Hard to say because I was a mess and didn't know what I know now but I think I would try to get to a college abroad or at least in the capital after high school.

Wiseacre · F

I wouldn't start over without loving, caring parents.

Jeephikelove · 51-55, F

I wish I stayed away the first time I ran away. I wish I became selfish and focused on loving myself instead of seeking love and approval outside of myself.

John628 · 18-21, M

@Jeephikelove that’s a good one! How many times did u run away? How old were you?

Jeephikelove · 51-55, F

@John628 12 the first time, I finally got away a month before I was 17. A lifetime of damage already done, been working in healing ever since.

John628 · 18-21, M

@Jeephikelove oh wow! When did u first want to run away? How has the healing process been?

exexec · 70-79, C

I wouldn't change anything other than to believe in myself more.

Thevy29 · 41-45, M

Read the poem 'If' by Rudyard Kipling much earlier in life.

Not eat that dinner in the hospital right before they came to do the MRI... (They didn't know at the time that blue shit they inject you with might cause you to vomit. Not good when your heads strapped down.) And they would have found all the tumours and possible removed the lot instead of leaving a couple...

John628 · 18-21, M

I wish I had a better teenhood instead of worrying about everything in school and made more friendships and experiences!

Nitedoc · 51-55, M

I would follow my dreams and not listen to the people saying it will never work, never happen! Not doing that has been the biggest mistake of my life.

powernap · 56-60, M

Put more attention on my personal interests and seeing if there is a market for said interests. I would also apply myself more to studies if in college, and try to make a name for myself.

Turtlepower · 36-40, M

Very little would I change at this point because I love where my life is and a lot of my mistakes I wish I could fix led me to where I am now.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

Not let fear stand in the way of pursuing my dreams.

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being · 36-40, F

@OlderSometimesWiser haha funny how I thought of the opposite way around. I'd always pursue my dreams no matter the fear and I'm wishing I'd listened more ❤ instead of pushing hard all the time.

Conclusion, balance is important. Timing.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@being Lol….. humans certainly are interesting creatures.

being · 36-40, F

@OlderSometimesWiser certainly the irony of life. But what a beautiful one 🏞🔥🌲🌻🌹🏝🌌

solitaire · 41-45, F

I would NEVER HAVE MARRIED the man I married. Looking back now I don't know what I was thinking.

Ferric67 · M

Always take care of your self first and foremost

Plus, we can't control how others feel about us

JimboSaturn · 56-60, M

I think most people feel the same way, especially women.

OldBrit · 61-69, M

1. Not started drinking

2. Done more with my music. Played more gigs before I was unable to.

ProfessorPlum77 · 70-79, MVIP

I would have stayed in college instead of dropping out after a few months only to have to take night classes many years later in order to get my BS degree.

Elisbch · M

I would have spent less time growing up under my parents.

chasingThursday · 36-40, M

I wish I could have gone to a different high school but I had no choice over that

Quetzalcoatlus · 46-50, M

Learned to set boundaries earlier.

Lilymoon · F

pretty much the same as you.

RadioDust · 36-40, M

I'd be more confident in myself than allowing myself to second guess, think about the consequences now rather than later.

Pretty sure i would be the king of England if I did that.

trash · 31-35, M

be more present/active socially.

i regret romanticizing solitude

dale74 · M

Learn more from older people

Starchild1983 · 41-45, F

Only everything lol

froggtongue · M

I'd be born rich. And naturally muscular. And with a quantum computer in my head and a prehensile fully functional tail. Oh, and how can I forget to add a much longer tongue. Because, you know, I'm kind of vain like that. 😛🐸

being · 36-40, F

@froggtongue and a bigger d..dog.. ? 🐶 lol
Or a bigger heart 😻

Gingerbreadspice · F

I would have done everything differently.

Spumoni · 46-50, M

Not drink alcohol

HowtoDestroyAngels · 46-50, M

@Spumoni same brother. read my post below.

PhoenixPhail · M

If I could truly start over, I wouldn't. I would choose to not be born.

Reject · 26-30, M

I would stop caring about love and focus more on developing my character.

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froggtongue · M

@JimboSaturn Here's a possible way to look at it. Maybe by being the example of the bad thing, someone who was hurt would steer clear from doing that exact same thing that they might have done if you hadn't done it. So though they have no real reason to thank you, it's possible you might have taken the bad upon yourself.
A bit of a stretch perhaps, but maybe it's possible to be seen that way.