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blindbob Well I am an ungrateful creature by nature so I tend to forget the details of everything that God has directly and pointedly clearly done for me when I am happy and busy and feel like I am handling everything myself (which I never am so that is only an illusion).
But once when I was a shy inexperienced, kinda low self esteem 22 year old I met a guy who was " way outta my league". I was infatuated to an unhealthy degree instantly. I tried to fake like I was cool and collected but maybe the guy could see thru me. He shortly began toxic behavior. This guy was my kryptonite. I went on to know him for 5 years and everyday that I saw him felt like the first time, lightening.
Beyond infatuation we could and did talk for hours. We could go deep on many subjects. He provided fun and excitement. He respected my intelligence and told me so often.
He also played many women sometimes right in front of my face. My self worth grew worse. He would not commit to me but led me to believe that he was committed without the actual words. He got his ex-girlfriend pregnant while we were together and one day he called me asking for a ride but didn't say to where. Once I drove to where he said it was to a hospital. Little did I know that I was taking him to see his baby be born and they were now together.
He sometimes treated me like dirt on his shoe. He sold all my schoolbooks for weed money one day while I was at work. My mental state was going downhill.
These things are a fraction of what he did but I couldn't get away from him. I tried for one year and then he started contacting me apologizing and I was back. I thought of him so often during our year apart.
One day after many tears and another 4 years of living hell I prayed with all of the depth of my soul that God would deliver me from the infatuation that I had for a person who had negatively impacted my life so severely and who would not change.
I never thought that it was possible for me to live without him. After I prayed this quite suddenly I felt my desire for him changing. It took a few weeks but I started to find him repulsive. Despite his pretty face and impeccable sense of style I could only see how he had treated me. My mind disconnected from needing him and reconnected to more substantial things.
A thing that I could not do in 5 years started lifting right away.
A couple months later he was out of my life and I moved on. He wasn't all bad but he treated me badly. He actually gave me a stuffed animal that said," I love you" right before I finally left. It was strange because at any other time in our life together he would never had allowed that word to pass in any form between us.
It was not hard to leave at all. I have never regretted my decision and I credit God with giving me the strength to move on which I had asked him for.
He has called me several times but even before I was married I was not tempted.