Love & Attraction

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Do good men exists?

Most of my experiences with men were bad. Most men seem egoistic type who come in my life who tend to abuse, betray , put me down or be emotionally unavailable. Do any other women have, good experiences with men who treat them good? Sometimes all my experiences make me question the existance of good men, sometimes i feel are all men pretending and men only want to suppress, feel superior, control or use women.

Maybe i am bad at judging men or choosing men who are bad and good. Idk what i am doing wrong

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bijouxbroussard · F

Absolutely good men exist, and women are finding them.
Sometimes it’s a question of really getting to know the person, not moving too fast, and not ignoring red flags that indicate that he’s not the right person.

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bijouxbroussard · F

@Mamapolo2016 Yes. 😊

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@Mamapolo2016 i been with men for m 1 -2 years, just to find out after again 1 year ( total after 3 years) that their intentions and they were bad from start. I think it's more about being good at judging men and not making excuses for their bad behaviours, and seeing people for who they are without getting blinded by our desires, emotions, fantasies, hopes, etc. To judge anyone and see their background, reputation, both good and bad and everything which takes time, i think 3-6 months is enough if we don't let our emotions cloud judgement. I think women have to be more logical about which type men are compatible with them

Mamapolo2016 · F

@sahi81 Don’t buy the hype, honey. The initial stage of relationships is about sexual desire and crushing on someone. You may fall in love and then realize you don’t want this person because of their behavior.

Or it may grow into a calmer, more secure, but still desirable long-term love that will last.

“Marry in haste, regret it at your leisure,”

Rokan · 31-35, M

Your experiences are so little compared to what reality is. I am a man and do you know what i wake up doing every day? I take care of my grandma by getting her groceries, paying her bills, taking her to her medical appointments, making sure she had 24 hour home care coverage so she can live in her home and not a facility. I've sacrificed career and relationships to give back to her so she wouldn't have to suffer as much.

My mom who is an alcohol abuser would lie steal and cheat and hurt anyone to gain something including my grandma who can't even move on her own now.

I don't know what your definition of a good or bad man is but to imply through question that they might not exist really shits on so many of us.

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Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M

@sahi81 try church.

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@Tastyfrzz I'm not religious 😅

Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M

@sahi81 wellll...
Sounds like an avenue you haven't tried then.

Strictmichael75 · 61-69, M

Maybe you are making the wrong choice and entering into a relationship too quickly
Ever thought of that ?

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sahi81 · 22-25, F

@in10RjFox instead of taking action on bad men who perpetrate on women, men try to protect women. I mean what logic is this? Why women even need protection if bad men are in jail? one bad men can abuse many women. Why not take action on 1 bad guy instead of protecting 100 women?

in10RjFox · M

@sahi81 That's revenge attitude and slander to say most men are bad as even many women have the same attitude on protecting other women. Younger boys too suffer the same from older girls.

So what girls must do is to become superior and also start to treat the boys and men who they consider as domineering, as dependants to make them feel inferior.

World can change if girls start confronting boys and men in a confident manner. Traditionally they are made to put their head down and not argue or ask questions etc. So girls must start walking head up , go near guys instead of walking around or avoiding, smile directly on their face, greet with a smile etc.

This can not only boost self confidence but subdue the guys. Instead of accepting surprise gifts, it must be returned as Bribes not Acceptable.

Starting to handle issues directly without complaining to others or involving others, can change the landscape.

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twiigss · M

There was this girl that I liked at Walmart when I still worked there years ago. Apparently this girl was with a guy, they were just girlfriend boyfriend, not married or anything like that, not engaged etc.

Well this girl's friend found out that I liked her, apparently they talked, and the girls friend had worked with me for a few months. Supposedly, the girl I liked was in an abusive relationship, and her friend was trying to help her get out of it. So I believe the girl I liked and her boyfriend were in the middle of breaking up or something like that.

So anyway, the girl's friend was seeing a guy and she was basically like well how about we go on a double date, so the girl I liked and her friend and her friends boyfriend and I, she goes how about we meet at this diner at 2am? Said sure okay no problem.

So we're out at this diner, you know I'm being my usual laid-back, caring, easy going guy sitting next to this girl you know being all super nice with her and everything like that and then all of a sudden her friend is like well I got to go powder my nose or whatever she said I don't remember it was a very long time ago. Well they come back and the girl I like is acting completely different.

So the next time I went into Walmart for my shift I saw the girl's friend, and I said what happened did I do something wrong? And her friend goes, you didn't hit or yell at her, you're just too nice of a guy to be with is what she said. And I'm like what??? How is that even a thing? Too nice of a guy??

So yeah, nice guys do finish last and have no chance of being in that perfect relationship. The last thing I would ever do is hit a woman or yell at her. It's just not me and not who I am.

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sahi81 · 22-25, F

@twiigss I tried that, i tried to know men who i am not that attarcted to too perosnality wise, even looks wise. But they also turned out bad. Even guys i put in friendzone, they also. Only one was little nice but he was emotionally unavialable and not just emotionally , in many ways he was not that available,He sometimes didn't treat me good.

I think i tried all ways.

And that's why i am here asking for advices and others perspectives in this website. I got many good advices and prespectives which i am grateful for and wish i can be more hopeful about my future partner when i try to start dating again.

twiigss · M

@sahi81 I think as you have said, learning to love yourself more is definitely the most important thing. Well, hopefully you can meet the right guys who will treat you good, because in my book, you treat a woman with respect, and you do nice things for her and etc. A man always opens the door for the woman, he always pulls her seat out at the restaurant so she can sit and she sits down first. I'm the type of guy who would do little love notes all over the place, different kinds of surprises, and things like that. I'm also a listener. I hate confrontation so if I'm in a relationship and there's a problem, something you think I did wrong, then let's talk it out and I'll try to do better/try not to do the same mistake again. Toxicity doesn't resonate with me, only caring, kindness and loving.

But for sure, meeting new people can definitely be a lot. Even for me. I wish you well.

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@twiigss i think treating women as valued is good. I think good communication and ability to deal with fights without lashing out is important for relationships. It's ok to have disagreements but how it's resolved later is what matters. i heard many relationships end just bcuz there were misunderstandings, no good communication or no communication at all. I heard conflict is healthy but also resolving it in healthy way.

Thx, i hope u too find a good woman who treats u equally good as u treat her.

i personally like men who make me feel secure, valued and independent, not make me feel insecure or dependent on them emotionally, financially, physically, etc. . I like being independent and i want man who only uplifts me and want to see me indepedent and strong but also be there for me when things don't go well. I felt so bad and ungrateful when i was with toxic men and felt like why i have to be dependent on such people. I realised if i want love from good people who treats me well, i need to be indepedent in all ways so i will only accept love from good ones, not whom i don't like and don't even treat me good and then call me ungrateful.

Reflection2 · M

What we men see around?
Mostly good men, hard working, who wants to provide to their families or want to built a family and provide them with care, love and above all financial protection.

What most women see around? Where are all the good men.

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sahi81 · 22-25, F

@Reflection2 maybe good ones don't come in women's life, do u have any idea why?

I heard that bad ones chase women more so women think most men r bad. Why is that good ones don't tend to chase or approach?

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@Reflection2 and bad ones don't tend to be picky but good ones tend to be picky

Bleak · 36-40, F

@Reflection2 Good point 👏 👏

As0if · 26-30, F

I feel you, haven’t met a single one who would give back exactly what I give to them. So yup, not trusting men anymore, at least I’m not involving emotions anymore.

Sorry to hear that happened to you, PM me if you wanna talk

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As0if · 26-30, F

@sahi81 Often, since I was 16. I was kid then and I was afraid to step into relationship, but those guys were older than me and I figured they don’t want a date. So later on, it made it difficult for me to actually trust someone, so those were short relationships. And when I got the courage - I got disappointed twice. So I guess alone till the end of my life it is 😂
No, I haven’t considered seeking any kind of therapy but I would need many 😂

As0if · 26-30, F

@MrSmooTh Well I’m expensive. Gotta cover nails, hair, skincare, all kinds of cosmetics and makeup, travels etc, it all costs. So yeah minus rich part 😂

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AngelKrish · 26-30, M

They do but no body cares about them!

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AngelKrish · 26-30, M

@As0if From ep i understood that online friendship and connections are also possible when both individuals are honest, loyal, kind and understanding towards each other....That's my best experience with EP friends!
I see its a rare to happen but it became possible in my case! 😊 i am happy!

As0if · 26-30, F

@AngelKrish It’s true. BOTH need to put the effort. I’m glad for you 🤗

AngelKrish · 26-30, M

@As0if Exactly, Thank you 🤗

okaybut · 56-60, M

Yes, having male friends all my life...and it seems you are interacting with the wrong ones. Go for the boring ones and leave the sexy, exciting bad boys behind.

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sahi81 · 22-25, F

@okaybut true. But now a days girls too can't be trusted.... many have jealousy issues

sahi81 · 22-25, F

I will seek help in this website if i have any doubts if i starting datinng again lol

okaybut · 56-60, M

@sahi81 Good idea! We will be your outside opinion! lol

Pinkstarburst · 51-55, F

Many men have never been taught how to be a good person, especially towards women. That being said, as we get older, we realize that we have worth and can weed those men out quickly and effectively. Our confidence becomes threatening to the immature and ignorant men, while men of worth see us as a gift.

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@Pinkstarburst exactly and i seen even decent men feel superior to women. The way men r raised in our society is not good. Not all men r like this but i think 70% are like this only

Gibbon · 70-79, M

A day late as usual here. Thank you feed.

I'm not bragging I'm actually thankful.
Vickie went through everything you did and worse. I had my past issues also.
EP and fate brought us together and her final years were the happiest we both lived.

Better is out there but I believe it finds you if it's meant to be.

Baaaaaaaa · 26-30, M

They do exist.

KingofBones1 · 46-50, M

Yes I am one of them. I always tell the truth no matter what the person wants to hear, I tell them what they need to hear. And I always in the person I tell you I am for better or worse. And when I do commit it is 100%

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

My experience most men in there 50's upwards are very mature . I did have run ins with men tho in that age bracket but people in there 20's 30' or even 40's forget about . In one ear and out the other ear or else you"ll end up mentally fucked for a long time .
My experience with women I got nervous breakdowns over women . 3 of them in my life .
I'm gonna ask you a question please answer this for me and I'm saying it about you .
Do all women cheat ? I had that experience with everyone woman I was with

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@riseofthemachine My experience with many old men too weren't good, many of them are perverts, easily 1 in 5 of them. Maybe u r just in wrong circle of men around u or wrong place, that;s . i am not a man so idk about men much. But i met saw few decent young ones too, only few. Maybe i was around indecent ones or wrong places/ enviornments Personally i don't think all women cheat, some do and some don't. Maybe u r attracting, choosing or getting attracted to wrong type women. I heard sometimes people subconcioulsy choose toxic partners.

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@riseofthemachine i think in some cases even good women too cheat, especially if she had bad experience with the man she is with and can't divorce him. or if she dislikes the man a lot. It might happen. But i don't have any cheater type female acquiantances except 1 i think, she only once tried to cheat on bad men who used other girls bcuz she was frustrated by her break up i think. She is decent person in general. Her friend cheats even on good and normal innocent guys. I think the friends we r with influences our behaviours.

HobNoblin · 36-40, M

A man is a fool or a hero depending on whether there are enemies at the gate or not. Why not just forget about men and lead a quiet life of study?

Blondily · F

There are a lot of bad apples out there unfortunately. Seek men in nicer environments never online. Most are married and players.

WonderingWhileWandering · F

I think of th the thousands of men I've met and known. 5 or 6 have been good.

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@WonderingWhileWandering for me, i saw many decent ones, but idk if i consider them good. Some of them seem judgmental. I never known any men for long to say if they r truly good or not. I think it takes time to know

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@WonderingWhileWandering where u met those good ones, which places they hang out?

Alyosha · 31-35, M

It sounds like you've had some bad experiences. Try not to let them jade you to the possibilities out there.

kentex35 · 100+, M

I could be better. I'm not an aggressive person and that's often a sign of weakness but I hold my own quietly a lot of battles I conscientiously decide I don't need to win because of my perception of unnecessary drama. I just go along trying to do what I'm supposed to do as a husband, father, worker guy etc. I've got my own drummer and rarely accused of being status quo. And as usual I probably missed the point huh y'all

Mamapolo2016 · F

@kentex35 Not being aggressive is NOT weak. Being aggressive is weak, and proves you can’t even control yourself. A lousy quality in any relationship.

SomeMichGuy · M

...how many experiences have you had?

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SomeMichGuy · M

@sahi81 You have never heard of the greatest King of Assyria?! Ashurbanipal had an impressive personal library, and they believe that they have identified clay tablets on which he might have practiced writing.

[Most of the clay tablets from the ancient world in cuneiform deal with inventories...]

The Library at Alexandria was apparently burned by the Romans, and the loss of it is often referred to as the single greatest loss of culture ever for the West / Near East.

[Many ancient Greek and Roman texts which we have know were either found in Egyptian dumps--hot + dry = preserved!--or in scholastic archives set up by the Moors in Spain (texts were translated into Arabic in the East and carried across N. Africa and then injected into Moorish places of learning in Spain, to later be discovered by Westerners when the Moors were pushed out). But many Greek and Roman writers are largely lost to time; some have no or only fragmentary representation in the texts which have been found.]

It depends upon what one considers a senior; I am not "of retirement age" in the US. But I am definitely older than you, if your age range is correct.

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@SomeMichGuy yes, i never heard . i am not into history, i don't like that subject 😅 U had an unique job though

SomeMichGuy · M

@sahi81 Lol

I was teasing, of course. The "historical method" can be used to study ANYthing you like, and traditional "history" can be taught poorly or well.

wintersecret · 41-45, M

Not all men are bad or egoist.

May u were at wrong place at wrong time

U will surely find the right men soon.

Casheyane · 31-35, F

Nice is different from good. And what is good for you may not be good for others and vice versa.

Shybutwilling2bfriends · 61-69

There are good ones sometimes it seems they are all taken but i dont think thats true

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@Shybutwilling2bfriends i too don't beleive it's true,

666Maggotz ·

Honestly, no. The best you can get is “decent/acceptable”.

Bleak · 36-40, F

Yes. I have had very good experiences with men.

Fionnuala · 41-45, F

Yes, I found and married one. They are out there.

greensnacks · 31-35, F

Yes there are I know 3 good men. Not perfect, but good. And I'm sure there are some out there more. As for marriage material, I haven't found such, as I'm not married

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@greensnacks where u met them? where such men even hang out lol

greensnacks · 31-35, F

@sahi81 One was a colleague of mine. The other one is my cousin and third one my grandfather.

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@greensnacks ic, my family men are either bad or normal. I can't say good.

littlepuppywantanewlife · 31-35, M

Yes good men exist.

Unlearn · 41-45, M

Virtuous individuals may not always be readily apparent, but their presence is undeniable, often revealed through quiet strength and subtle acts of goodness

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@Unlearn sadly, in this world, kindness gets taken advantage of. So they might be picky in my opinion

HumanEarth · 56-60, F

That's because your young yet. Wait a few more years for some if them men to loose that teenager behavior.

See young men teenage men from about 15-25 are full if Stupid Pills and you just have to wait for their supply to run out

in10RjFox · M

Maybe i am bad at judging men or choosing men who are bad and good. Idk what i am doing wrong

YES. Not all males are MEN. Most of them are boys. Alpha males are MEN who are hard to find.

They won't come into your life, but you need to get into their life. You need to find instead of being found.

Northwest · M

Perhaps you should figure out why you seek abusive relationships. Certainly there are healthy relationships out there. The proof: all those people in successful relationships.

JimboSaturn · 51-55, M

Where are you from?

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JimboSaturn · 51-55, M

@sahi81 Maybe it's the kind of men you are attracted to?

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@JimboSaturn could be and also the places i hang out, online don't have good reputation. i tend to come across bad more than good ones and when i come across good ones, i had to doubt them too, if they r pretending or not. Maybe bad ones search for and come in life more than good ones, good ones might be picky .

JimboSaturn · 51-55, M

@sahi81 that's true.

Jeephikelove · 51-55, F

I don’t have luck either, there’s been some good ones but most have not been.

Anniedlr · 26-30, F

Yes they do. I had one who sadly died in an accident two months before our wedding ☹☹☹

Allelse · 36-40, M

You only turned on by the bad ones right?

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@Allelse no, i met shy and confident bad ones, i liked confident ones more so i friendzoned shy bad ones. My past shy best friend passed comments on my body parts.

I don't think i like bad ones more, i think bad ones come in women life more since they r not that picky

Allelse · 36-40, M

@sahi81 Jesus! You sound like my mother.

Convivial · 26-30, F

They do... The problem is they're often not the exciting ones

stound

where are all the good men dead?
in the heart or in the head.

LifeIsShort · M

Don't worry, There are good men.

Jimmy2016 · 61-69, M

🤔..........Yes, there are good men out there....

alicewhite

they are mythical

funxxx707 · 51-55, M

Yes we do

GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M

No.

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SmileOnYourBrother

@sahi81 If you didn't need to hear it, you wouldn't have asked the question. 😏

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@SmileOnYourBrother i 'needed' to hear other women's experiences with men. Especially good experiences. To not lose hope in the existence of good men. Why would any women need to hear something like that, what is wrong with her and why???

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@SmileOnYourBrother i heard bad men ( who are cheaters, narcissists, physically and verbally abusive, and only want one thing) look for victims/women/girls more so such type men only come in women's life more. And good men don't do anything, they need signal from women to make a first move. So it's a scary world for women when they come across bad men more than good ones. I think there must be jail or consequences for bad men who bother women. Even for women who bother men, i heard men complaining about same type of women who are cheaters, narcissitics, mean, play victim-card, etc

And also women might misunderstand good men due to most men coming in women's life being bad.

In my life, 99% men i come across or see used to be bad. I stopped going to wrong places, so it reduced to 90%. I think now a days it's reducing to 80%.... i hope it gets reduced in half in future !

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