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Ended a 16 Years of Marriage

Basically I am a victim of an online fraud/scam. I lost almost all of my life personal savings. I told my husband about it, but instead, he went mental at me, and did not keep it confidential from our daughter. I told him because I wanted a support from him. My daughter got involved and they both started harassing me. I rang 999 to report as I did not feel safe. I was accused by both of them, that I never contributed anything in our household, despite the fact that I pay for groceries, eating out and leisures. I also furnished most of the major things in the house including all the kitchen essentials. But it's all nothing. My husband is more bothered about me, having a personal savings.

The police officers took me to my friend's house so that I could be away from the situation. I was about to leave yesterday got back home to say bye to my daughter, but she decided to come with me instead. She said she wants to move back to the Philippines with me.

I feel nothing for my husband anymore. All I feel right now is anger and my fixed decision to move on. I feel like, the situation became the turning point, to stop the cycle of the toxic relationship. After 16 years of marriage, I finally concluded that my husband, never loved me.

TBH, I really don't want to stay with my husband anymore. This is the end. 16 years is enough.😭

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CultOfPersonality · 36-40, M Best Comment

*hugs* I’m sorry this happened to you

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@CultOfPersonality Thank you.💙

Jenny1234 · 51-55, F

Do you not think your husband has the right to be furious?

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Montanaman · M

@Kstrong from Jenny1234👍😇❤️

Jenny1234 · 51-55, F

@Bittersweet84 he does not have the right to verbally abuse you but he does have the right to be very angry. Marriage is a partnership whether you keep your money together or separate. by you putting yourself in this position to be taken advantage of shows him that you don’t have good judgement and could potentially put him and your daughter at risk in future financial situations.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@Jenny1234 I still don't agree with your opinion, but you're entitled to it.
Thanks.👍💙

Kstrong · 56-60, F

Any updates on how life is going! I'm proud of you for putting yourself first, I did the same after over three decades of marriage...us girls need to stick together and support the other

SW-User

The end of a marriage is always sad.

The big wide world out there is full of possibilities now. But also full of pitfalls. Tread carefully.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@SW-User Thank you so much. I'll keep that in mind. 👏🏻💙

CassandraSissy · 26-30, T

So he's took money from your previous joint account before? Blinkin' heck! That's not on!

Truth be told, if my fella fell for a scam like that and blew all his savings I'd too get very angry; Both angry at him and angry for him. If it's over a job I would have hoped that we would have had some semblance of a conversation about it, and the potential cost, rather than do it on his own....used me as a sounding board.

And there's the thing, for me; you didn't engage him in conversation about it before it happened. So that tells me there's a lack of trust there and a lack of mutual support.

Then all the talk of you contributing nothing to the household? Shame on them both! I'd certainly kick him to the curb...your daughter? She has to earn that respect that you would have for her. She needs to jump through an awful lot of hoops for me to accept her apology, let me tell you, sweetie!!!!

I wish you well in the future, however things turn out...

😘

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@CassandraSissy You were on point in there. I actually told him about the job, when the so called company, paid me at first, to gain my trust. When I completed the first set of task, it was actually believable as they immediately paid me. That's when they got my details and hack my account. 😞

I understand he got angry, but not because of the scam. He was angry because I had "personal" savings. He wasn't aware about it as we both have our own personal accounts, as I refused to have joint account because of what happened in the past. And I'm entitled to have my own savings. I don't know what he has in his bank account.

Yes, my daughter disrespected me, that's because of what he told her. Now, that me and my daughter are in the Philippines, she's beginning to understand that I pay for most things. TBH, she should have not got involved with the issue. 😢
She never said sorry (by saying the exact words). She said sorry by hugging me (while crying ) telling me that she wants to come with me and build a new life.

I'm hoping for the best.
I'm angry, for the fact, that my husband did not even fight for his family.
Time will tell, in time, there would be a better life for us. 👏🏻👏🏻💙

Lilliesandlight · 41-45, F

Congratulations on finding the courage to put yourself first

novaguy2u · 70-79, M

That is very sad. Unfortunately, online scams are getting very sophisticated, and many people are duped as a result. I can understand your husband being upset, but instead of being upset for you, it sounds as if he blames you, which is unfair. I hope that things work out for you.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@novaguy2u Yes it was a job scam. Yes I understand a negative reaction. But to verbally abuse someone? It's like killing someone twice!
I'm hoping for the better for me and my daughter.

novaguy2u · 70-79, M

@Bittersweet84 Best of luck!

SW-User

What an awful situation, losing all that money and going through this breakdown of your family all at once.

I am puzzled that you want to take your daughter with you when she joined your husband in this attack on you?

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@SW-User Basically, he brainwashed her, regarding things that aren't true. I know she said a lot of bad things about me. But at the end of the day, she didn't mean it. 💙

SW-User

@Bittersweet84 I wish you and her everything good. I hope you can get back to your home country safely and make a good life there.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@SW-User Thank you. I'll have a better life there. 💝

FreeSpirit1 · F

I hope things work out

SW-User

Sorry you are going through this. But you know what's good for yourself and your daughter. You say you're Planning on moving back to the Philippines? Where are you now? Is this going to be a big adjustment for the two of you?

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Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@SW-User Yes, it's always warm here outside.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@JustJan It's always warm here. 😁

SW-User

@Bittersweet84 always wanted to visit the Philippines.

JustJan · F

I hope you can recover something from the Scammer , your Husband was probably in shock if it was a very large amount your daughter got caught up in the moment and the same reason probably shocked that you could fall for this Scam, she has calmed down now and realises she is better of with you and it will be forgotten in the course of time , I hope things work out for you and your family in the best way that suits you all to late now but anyone asking for money no matter how small online is a block or alarm bells at least

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@JustJan I get that. He was shocked. But it was not his money, and there was no need to give verbal abuse all over again and again. And to involve a child in the situation, it was totally too much to take.

JustJan · F

@Bittersweet84 before we went our seperate ways my ex and I consider it all as Family Money but niether of us stole from each other , and your right she shouldn't of been involved , but she does know she is better off with you than him , make sure you get half of the house hold contents and the house if it is being sold

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@JustJan His money is just his money.

I have no time anymore to deal with the things that I bought for this house. He can have it all, since he accused me of not contributing anything in the household.

Anyway good night from here. 💕

Howudoin · 41-45, M

It's a terrible feeling, wife and i of 20 years are on the rocks. Don't know if we'll make it.😪

Montanaman · M

@Howudoin Are you both aware of the key issues within your marriage? You both have to be willing to fight For the marriage. It's a battle and the struggle is real. 🤗🤗❤️❤️

Howudoin · 41-45, M

@Montanaman thanks, we've been talking more and pulled it back from the brink. Got more work ahead of us though

Montanaman · M

@Howudoin Positive thoughts🤗❤️ and prayers 🙏 ❤️20 years is too much to let go of. Too much history. Too many memories. 🤗❤️

Sojournersoul · M

So sorry about you getting scammed and that you have no support. Hopefully your daughter will come around. Glad you got out.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@Sojournersoul Thank you. I greatly appreciate the comment.💝

Richard65 · M

Did your husband not know you had your own personal savings? Was that the main issue that caused his anger, the fact you had your own money? I'm just trying to understand why he was so angry at you for being the victim of a scam.

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Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@Richard65 Thank you so much.👏🏻💙

Fairydust · F

@Bittersweet84

Just a thought….

if he stole from your saying account, could he be the ones that scammed you online?

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@Fairydust I absolutely don't know. I never trusted him when it comes to money.

AngelKrish · 26-30, M

🥺hmmm.....i know that's something worst can happen to anyone because we being good to others and no body cares...
Your contribution in house is major and no one can deny that...mmmm still they did this is painful.... someone we loved ended this way.....
Long Hug 🫂🫂 now time to heal 🌷 because it's your life....and it matters!
Philippines is nice place,nice people, i want to visit there too!

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@AngelKrish Thank you so much. Comment like this keeps me going. 👏🏻💙

AngelKrish · 26-30, M

@Bittersweet84 You deserve best 🌷

Guardian

May I ask do you have an interracial marriage?

SW-User

@Guardian Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think it’s a relationship with an America, aka a white man. She’s moving back to Philippines to be safe from him. The relationship was built on money or hope for a better life from the start. It wasn’t built on love, so I’m not surprised.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@SW-User You are wrong. I never wanted to settle here the UK for a better life. My ex-husband is not an old man. We are the same age. And also you were wrong by making assumption that anyone could have a better life here by moving in a country like the UK. I had a top job in the Philippines before I met my ex, I moved here for the sake of him. This place never felt home. I am not somebody who's not educated and I did not come here for the sake of MONEY. I really don't appreciate your comment. 🧐😡 I work here earn my own income and pay bills. I don't just sit at home, doing nothing.

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Kstrong · 56-60, F

You and your daughrers safety and sanity are the most important factors, abuse comes in many forms, mental as well as physical. The mental can cause damage that last years as your brain needs to be rewired abd reprogramed to adjust back to normal.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@Kstrong Yes that's why the best thing for us to do is to move all the way to the other side of the world. It's the only way we can have peace of mind. He is very crafty, he would turn things around by gas lighting me.

Kstrong · 56-60, F

@Bittersweet84 i understand ... going thru something very similar

Nick1 · 61-69, M

@Kstrong stay strong.

BridgeOvertroubledWaters · 61-69, M

Wishing all the best and that do whatevers best 🤗

Montanaman · M

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.
😞💔❤️🤗
Hugs 🤗 and prayers 🙏

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Montanaman · M

@Bittersweet84 💯 % agree with this.
Good on ya!🤗🤗🌹

Kstrong · 56-60, F

@Bittersweet84 a position attitude despite the storms, youll come out on the other side. Im going thru the similar after 30+ years of marriage

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@Kstrong So sorry to hear this. It's tough but at the end of the day, we are entitled to find peace in our lives.

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

CestManan · 46-50, F

mentioned it was a job scam that you lost money on.
How does that work exactly?
Like what should other job seekers watch out for?

View 1 more replies »

CestManan · 46-50, F

@Bittersweet84 I appreciate that.

The fact is that FB is basically the new craigslist in terms of buying, selling, and other postings (like for jobs) FB keeps proving that it cannot be trusted for anything.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@CestManan I know it's awful! They are letting these scammers post false adverts for jobs. 🫤

CestManan · 46-50, F

@Bittersweet84 I imagine the only thing they care about is traffic.

I would not trust ANYthing on FB market or jobs.

Kumar007 · 36-40, M

Really selfish man

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

After your break up when your vulnerable don’t jump into a relationship again for awhile cause you need to find yourself cause I’d jump in again there could be a possibility that you’d jump into another one the same

LoneVoice

That BAST@RD!! How dare he get angry? He should have replaced the money you lost so you could do it again. 🙄

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@LoneVoice It wasn't his
money. It was all my money.

LoneVoice

@Bittersweet84 I know. He should have replaced it for you...IF he really loved you. Right? 🙄

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@LoneVoice The man is jerk, if he got angry, because "I"lost some money from a scam, how much more of him replacing the money I lost?

He always say that he doesn't have money. And he is not the type of who would give me some money. I even paid for my own birthday party!

SW-User

Sorry about your situation. I feel like maybe communication was the issue in your relationship. Hopefully it will work out for you.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@SW-User Indeed, he did not let
me explain everything. Insteas, he went mental.

Nick1 · 61-69, M

That is sad that it ended that way. Sorry to hear. Hope you will get some support from friends and family. Stay strong and move ahead.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@Nick1 Thank you. Trying my best to keep things together.💙👏🏻

littlepuppywantanewlife · 31-35, M

That's sucks and seems like you got married at very early age. Hopefully you find a way out of it.

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RedBaron · M

Do you realize that the final paragraph repeats what you said in the previous paragraph?

In any case, best of luck.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@RedBaron There is no need for this comment. Anyway thanks.🧐

deadgerbil · 26-30

Hopefully it all works out

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@deadgerbil Thank you. Hoping for the best for me and my daughter.👏🏻💙

deadgerbil · 26-30

@Bittersweet84 the post and the comment where you said he stole from you, he definitely wasn't the right guy for you. It's good that you identified that and are leaving

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@deadgerbil It's the final turning point of cutting the toxic cycle of our marriage.

likesnatural · 70-79, M

I'm sorry that things didn't work. More power to you for restarting on your own. Good luck. 👍

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

This may go without saying, but definitely take your time after it's all over. Avoid getting into another situation too soon. I made this mistake.

Bittersweet84 · 36-40, F

@uncalled4 Thanks for the suggestion. Yes, it's not good to get into another relationship too soon. I'm currently focusing on my daughter and my job to earn a living for me and my daughter.👏🏻