What is the funniest thing you ever heard someone say to a cop?

The first time I got pulled over I was so nervous.

The cop asked me for my drivers license. I handed it to him and he looked at it and chuckled. He said “I’ve never given anyone with a Canada’s wonderland seasons pass before so I won’t start now”.

He handed me back my drivers license and I looked at it, confused. sure enough , I had given him my seasons pass instead of my drivers license. In all fairness, they’re the same size and they’re both blue.

I've said some pretty amusing stuff myself when I have been pulled over. Like a few weeks ago I had just left the dentist office and got pulled over for speeding.
I was nervous and started babbling about how I had only had 2 hours of sleep and had just had 8 shots and a ton of nitrous oxide.
I realized after I said it that I probably should not have told him that because he would say I shouldn't be driving.
Another time I got pulled over during the beginning of Covid. The cop didn't have a mask on and he leaned in my window and I ducked down in my seat and started screaming for him to step back because he didn't have a mask on.

It wasn’t really funny, but my brother, who was a patrolman, told me about the time he and his partner did a wellness check on a senior who was watching her grandchild. The parent was out of town and couldn’t reach them—turned out the phone wasn’t working but they were fine.

The little girl answered the door and saw my brother’s partner first, in his uniform
.
"Are you going to kill us ?" she asked.

A guy had his loud stereo blaring late at night in an apartment complex, so the police showed up and he came to the door. The officer told him to turn it down several times, finally the guy closed his door and walked down the steps with the police officer and told him “you‘ll have to learn to speak up, that’s the loudest stereo system I’ve ever owned”.

My brother and I were pulled over for speeding, he was driving. Cop asked if he knew the speed limit, my brother replied, no, but if you hum a few bars, I'm sure I'll get it...

A blonde was pulled over for speeding. The cop asked " Why are you going so fast?". She replied, " I'm almost out of gas so I was hurrying to the station before I ran out!".

I got pulled over doing 90 mph. The cop asked me if I knew what the speed limit was. I told him. Yea, its 65 mph. He asked, then why were you doing 90 mph? I said, because i wasn't going to be out that long.


..Steven Wright

You have some good ones @Badger52

"How tough are you without that badge"? Actually it wasn't all that funny. He proceeded to show me.

suspect: ' do you know who my dad is?

cop: why. dont you?.

We challenged the cops to a super soaker war while drag racing through downtown. Loser had to clean the eggs and shaving cream off of both cars. They kicked our asses but helped clean up. Then we had midnight breakfast at the all night diner.

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i pulled up next to a cop revved my pontiac up,said you wanna run thar dodge,he say u better stop that shit,light turn green i was gone