My mom on hospice just went to a home

YOU.... Are an ANGEL! There's no way loved ones can continue to take care of their critically ill loved ones, I'm so sorry to say, and not kill themselves physically and emotionally, doing it. My sister will soon be facing the same. It just cannot be done. We don't have that kind of strength or endurance. Please, do not condemn yourself for this. You are not super human. In no way, shape, or form, are you a failure! I feel so sad for your position in this. So many face this today. You're not alone honey. 😭😘🙏🙏🙏🫂🫂🫂 ❤❤❤ I'm so sorry for your pain. We love you and you can always talk to us okay? Always. And I'm so sorry your mother is having to go through this. There was nothing more you could do my dear. You had no choice. You did your ultimate best. And I know your mother knows that. And no one can blame you. You did not put your mother in a nursing home. There was no other workable alternative solution. My heart sure goes out to you. I wish I could take your pain away. Please don't blame yourself. Think of it this way because it's true. Since your poor body could not possible handle anymore, she is gaining more professional care and help that you are not equipped at home to give her. I'm sure your mother realizes this. I feel deep down in her heart she knows this and she wants you to know that she understands this. If I put myself in your mother's place, that's what I would tell you. I would be very proud that you took care of me all that time and sacrificed so much. And if your mother is coherent, I'm sure she feels the same way. She does understand. She will know that she can get even more advanced care at the nursing home. She will have people around her 24/7 taking great care of her and loving her. That is so good. And you can go see her anytime you want. It's time for you to rest and better care of yourself now. To get the rest you so badly need. There's no way you could keep up with all the lifting and medicine dispensing and washing clothes and sheets. You know that, I hope. It's time for you to take good care of yourself so you don't start going downhill, and that way you can relax and be refreshed when you visit your mom.

You know, dying at home is not all its cracked up to be either. It is a learning experience which exasperates both parties in various ways. Making some even feel suicidal. And the one who is dying feels so bad because they don't want to burden their family. It's really a bad situation for both parties. Nursing homes are better prepared for on the spot emergencies and can make the persons experience much more comfortable as family gathers around. You have given your mother the gift of giving your ultimate best in both situations. They will carry on where you just could not afford to damage your body any longer. This has been a long journey for you and your mother and God will help with the rest as you trust in him and allow him to help. He will definitely help you both through the adjustments. And just think honey, she'll be monitored 24/7 and that should help you sleep better at night. She'll continue to get clean sheets every day, her meds continued to be given on time, and be pampered. God bless you for your dedication and faithfulness to your mother. You sure did take the greatest care of her and I know she's so proud of you and so are we!

Please try to get some rest and take great care of yourself because we love you and we're here for you okay? Anytime you need to talk you can get hold of myself or talk to people here in the forum. We are there for you. I love you.

You are not a failure. I know that feeling of loneliness as my wife of 40+ years has dementia and it's getting harder and harder to take care of her. We were always there for each other, but now she wants to be there for me, but really she can't do much of anything any more. But it is not a failure on your part, it's just life and there is nothing much we can do about it. :( In the nursing home at least she's be taken care of. I know some day my wife will have to go into care, as he Mom did before her. It's hard to face up to, but we can do nothing else and it's for the best.

It’s very hard to take care of a hospice patient. When I was told my Mother was terminal I brought her home to die. She would never have been comfortable in a facility.

She lived two weeks and it seemed like the best two weeks of her life.

We got to talk, really talk and that was a blessing for all of us.

Be gentle with yourself, you did the best you could alongside working full time at the same time.

Like you pointed out, caring is a tough thankless job and almost all of the time, the support just isn't there - or what support you can get just evaporates on you.

Even family and friends don't come around as much when you "seem" to be coping - not realising that conditions deteriorate and needs change... and the fact that you don't need help today, doesn't mean that you won't appreciate a little help tomorrow.

You did your best. We faced the same situation with my mother and her sister. We could no longer give them the care that they needed, so we found a good place for them. I visited them several times a week and brought them to our house for dinner occasionally until they were no longer mobile. It hurts, but it's what has to be done in today's world.

Do not worry, dear friend. You should be proud that you took good care of your mother all these years and I am sure she will also know it. With you not getting younger day by day, it can be tough to manage things alone. Taking care of any old people is very tough and it can be hard. You have done greeat job till now - be proud!

And I hope your mom does not suffer much in life.

Be gentle. You and your team very extremely caring.

As people age their demeanor changes.

With my Dad he was nasty to the in home paid care givers. Not saying your mom was like that.

His health declined and he went into palitive care at the hospital.

Hope your mom enjoys a few more years.

Bring her home later

I'm sorry about your troubles. You're not a failure. You managed to care for your mother for two years on top of working full time. That's amazing. Most people couldn't do it.

There comes a time when you just have to ask for help. This will be better for you, and will help your mom feel better in her final days.

Everything will be all right.

As she aged her needs became more complex, the acts she needed help with were more frequent, and it was too much for you to do by yourself. She’ll get good, skilled care and when you are with her you can both enjoy your time to the max.

Your mother raised an angel.

The elderly often need care that can’t and shouldn’t be provided at home. That’s where the nursing home steps in.

You’re far from a failure. You just have to realize that at a certain point others need to help you. Those others are professionals.

Nurses are paid to care and, generallly speaking, do an amazing job. The CNAs are unspoken heroes too. They have to do the tough stuff and for dramatically less money.

You really did your very best.
You did not fail, you were there for your Mom and she knows it.
You did more than many or most, would do.

I know its easier said, but please don't take blame on yourself.
Try to look at yourself through Heaven's eyes: That means, with Grace.

Also please take good care of YOU now, because you need and deserve it. This is a difficult transition for you.

It’s not your fault, you did so much more than a lot of people are willing to do and please don’t beat yourself up over this. I understand I’ve been where you are and it’s a natural response to what has happened.

I'm sure she appreciates all the care you've give her. Much more than many do. When you visit try to have some fun with her. or bring her favorite food. My Dad always appreciated that.

It may feel like you failed, but really its quite the opposite. You took the best care of her by ensuring shes getting proper care from those that can give it to her around the clock. Im sure that was not an easy decision, but one made out of love, care, and compassion. Kudos to You!

just visit her regularly if you can. my mom said shed hope if she was in a home id visit twice a week. shell most likely have her needs met better at the nursing home. plus three meals if she can eat okay and nurses and attendants on call.

That’s a tough decision - I know you must feel bad, but sounds like you did your best. Visit when you can and hope she will understand. I know how she must feel - I just hope I die before I get to that point. Chin up.

It's very difficult to care for an aging parent. It requires a lot of time and skill. My own father reached a point where he simply couldn't help himself...and it required two and sometimes three people just to lift and move him.

You're in a tough situation. You can't do everything. It's impossible. While the decision is difficult, you made the right call. She needs appropriate care and hospice does a wonderful job. Good luck to you.

I agree with all the positive comments that you have received. Many others have had the same feelings of guilt, but the truth is you could have done no more.

I'm sorry to hear that about your Mom....God Bless HER...You're doing a great job.....Lean on your friends for support....Hang in there!!! It's not an easy thing to go through especially alone!!!

Is home hospice not available in your area? Where the hospice company caregivers comes to your home? Here in texas, they provide a hospital bed, oxygen, and take over all medications. They have an aide come to do baths, and a nurse comes to assist with medications and wound care. They come to your house 2 to 3 times a week.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have gone well above and beyond what many would probably do. You can only do so much. Hope she gets settled soon and you can spend all the time you can with her.

i'm very sorry to hear about your mother,i don't know what to really say but you and your mother are in my prayers, don't feel like a failure because you're not.

[@texassvi] 😣sorry you are feeling at a low point please do not be sad you did the best for mum she will know this and realise the same as you that you could no longer carry on as it had become more than you can manage and that is not shame on you

Sorry it's rough having so much responsibility and sad when people are helpless with failing health 🙁 i wish there was more help out there for people who needed it

You did all you could I went through the same thing with my mom and she was only 51 when she passed away

You made the decision you thought best,it's not easy.
Sorry you are facing all this

nothing to feel guilty about. you did a good job

The situation is so damn difficult; no matter what you do.

You have taken care of her for so long.

Now it is time to take care of yourself.

We’re here for you

You did not fail. Old age is unavoidable.

You need somebtime off too

No, no, not a failure at all. Visit mother and make a new life for urself.

Don't blame yourself @Texassvt

It's not your fault

🤗🤗