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Struggling because I'm agnostic

My dad is in hospice and it's not far away now that he will probably pass😕 It's heart wrenching seeing him miserable, and now it's affecting his mind and cognitive abilities. Yet I hope for any amount of time for him to last a bit more

But I'm really struggling trying to accept his nearing passing. I used to be religious growing up but about a decade ago I became agnostic. I wish I could truly feel his soul is going to a Paradise and Heaven. I think I wouldn't feel as frightened. But I don't know what will happen, I feel angst and helpless on him leaving me and Earth. Have you ever felt this???
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valentini · 61-69, M Best Comment
This why we have religion in the first place. To explain the unexplainable and provide a source of hope when confronted with things that are frightening, overwhelming, or cannot be dealt with any other way. In short "It's only human." It's among the various things our brains do i.e. explain things, protect us, and allow us to order the world.

Just because the tenets and doctrines of all religions are probably wrong and the concepts they provide are wrong, doesn't mean there's nothing out there. Even Richard Dawkins said he can't be sure there's no God and no Heaven. Even though heaven almost certainly is not what the Abrahamic religions tell us it is doesn't mean there is no place we go after this world. It's just not the "celestial theme park" we've been told it is.

I am like you. I grew up with all that Bible stuff then learned things and concluded it's folk fiction. Most of it never happened. But to say "and therefore a God, an afterlife, souls, etc do not exist" is non-sequitur.
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@valentini I wrote a very similar reply to an SW member here right as you posted this. And you summed it up eloquently, how maybe religion is not all we believe but we don't truly know what occurs after our body passes. Thank you..🪻

PatientlyWaiting25 · 46-50, F
Hi Coral. I think it's natural to feel really confused and fearful when someone is passing and especially if you're questioning faith and what happens when someone is dying. I wanted to share an experience I had in the hope that it might help.

My husband had a sudden and unexpected brain hemorrhage in 2024 and whilst we were doing end of life care, I found myself praying over and over again and pleading with God that he'd either bring him back to me or, if that wasn't Gods will, to make sure my husband didn't suffer when his tubes were removed.

Whilst I was praying I suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of love and of being hugged. Initially I thought a nurse was hugging me but then I realised I was standing next to a wall so nobody could be behind me.

What I felt was a literal physical sensation of arms wrapped around me and then that feeling of warmth and the peace of love you get when you hugging someone you love, but more than just a hug, this kind of love totally filled me.

I 100% believe that not only is God real and that this life is not the end but also, if what I felt that day in the hospital was only a fraction of what heaven is like, it's going to absolutely blow our minds. I know like my husband, your Dad is going to a better place and even though the loss still hurts unbelievably, we can have peace in that.

I hope this can bring you some comfort.
Xx
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@PatientlyWaiting25 That is so inspiring..thank you🌺 Many sympathies for your husband 🌹
Ambroseguy80 · 56-60, M
@PatientlyWaiting25 what a beautiful witness
I have felt this before yes and it's changed me... I was exactly like you 12 years Agnostic but my last health ordeal (October and November 2025) made me rethink my entire existence. I have my disability and already weak respiratory system. When I had pneumonia it nearly killed me more than once it involved late nights hospital runs and 2 miserable months in bed 24/7 on my breathing device. Then after a mucus suction session I lost swallowing for 2 weeks. I used to cry because I wasn't ready to die and devastate my family and I wanted a chance to see my little sister who lives abroad again.


I don't know but I felt that God was there for me and wanted to give me a chance to return to him which is something I never thought I would ever return to!

Do you reply to pms?
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@PiecingBabyFaceTogether I'm sorry for all you've experienced..you are a warrior and that's simply fact. 🌼 Yes I do reply.
@Baybreeze Thank you for your words ❤
JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M
I do not believe in the supernatural, the afterlife, spirits, miracles, gods, heaven, hell, karma, reincarnation, etc.

I think once a person dies that is it. He only lives on in our records and memories (while they last).

I confess my way to sort of deal with loss is to slowly distance myself from people, not get so attached. I have lived away from my family since I was 18. I have not seen anybody in person for over a year. I talk to my parents on the phone about twice a month. That is how it is, and I am used to it, and even fine with it.

I have always been alone in life, and most likely always will be. I miss the fallen but nothing I or anybody can do will bring them back. I must move on, since my time is short, too. I will find new people. The next chapter.

So sorry for all the suffering.
JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M
@Baybreeze

We do have some control over our own futures.

----------
Your thoughts about perfection and disease remind me of the elves of Middle Earth. They were similar to humans in body and thought, yet immortal since they never grew old in body, never decayed (or at least they had youthful regeneration of their bodies all the time?), and never got ill from bacteria, viruses, genetic diseases, the effects of obesity, heart disease, cancer, etc.

Yet their bodies could be broken or slain, they could lose limbs which did not grow back, etc. And they could die from intense grief and weariness of the world.

But their fate, after the death of their bodies, was to be assembled in the Halls of Mandos, who was one of the "Gods" of Middle Earth. Sort of like the Greek god Hades. There they waited until the end of days, and their fate after the end of the world was yet unknown. I think only one elf, Luthien, a powerful princess, ever returned after her body died. But she lived in a new body for only a short time after that.

She had married a man, Beren (who also died, yet was sent back, too). Because she married Beren, she lost her immortality, and so they both died again, this time for good. Yet they both died of old age, and in peace. They had children. I think Aragorn was one of their descendents.

In this mythology, humans die like humans in our real world. They grow old, get sick, etc. Yet unlike elves, after death they truely leave the world. They do not go to Mandos with the elves. They go back to God ("Illuvatar"). The fate of the elves is bound to the fate of the World. The fate of humans is a mystery. They leave the World.

Tolkien was Catholic so his books had a lot of religious themes.

The fantasies of Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, etc , are just as fantastical to me as those of Middle Earth. I guess the difference is billions follow them, so I must be sensitive to that, whereas I presume all people know Middle Earth is not real! Except perhaps some internet eccentrics!
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@JoyfulSilence Interesting ...I didn't know Aragorns history. I wish we could all be elves. What a great world that would be. 🧝‍♀
JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M
@Baybreeze

Until the orcs come knocking! 😈
kodiac · 22-25, M
Just want to pass along my experience. I had a i guess you'd call it near death experience, i had a massive seizure and lost consciousness but i was still aware, i was fighting with everything i had, i believed i was dying and they told me they had to shock my heart. I remember thinking no hold on fight ! But as the seizure kept building i finally just let go stopped fighting. It's hard to put into words ,a feeling of uphoria washed over me , like a huge relief ,like some truth was being revealed, a voice said it's about time this is what you've been waiting for ,to be honest it felt like i was being born not dying. I'm not explaining it very well but i now believe there is something more and we mistakenly hang onto this life ,this world . I know this probably won't help and there was no bright light or angels but even though my heart stopped i was fully aware the whole time
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@kodiac Wow what an experience to go through. So glad you were ok. Thank you for sharing it. 🪻
ArtieKat · M
I've been an atheist since I was about 7 years old - well before I knew what the word was to describe how I felt. I'm grateful that both my parents had sudden deaths (my mother aged 61 and my father aged 79) so I didn't have to go through what you are enduring right now. Sending hugs, @Baybreeze
Pretzel · 70-79, M
I used to - then realized we are all just bits of matter and energy. When we die we compost.

it's said much better in this poem:

Do not stand
By my grave, and weep.
I am not there,
I do not sleep—
I am the thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints in snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle, autumn rain.
As you awake with morning's hush,
I am the swift, up-flinging rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight,
I am the day transcending night.
Do not stand
By my grave, and cry—
I am not there,
I did not die.

—Clare Harner, The Gypsy, December 1934
Pretzel · 70-79, M
@Baybreeze And my dad died a few years ago - I had the same kind of tension. Sending you hugs.
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@Pretzel I just feel injustice that we will go in living and he won't. He's only 72. Just turned in January. I keep thinking he should live another 20 year like many get to. 😕
Pretzel · 70-79, M
@Baybreeze in the grand scheme of things our individual lives are merely a blip a flash of lightning...

but individual with our limited life span - 20 years is epic. the only fairness in death is that it happens to us all.

a life unmourned was not lived well.

based on your response ...his life was lived properly.
faery · F
You'll be surprised how he stays right with you, no matter what you believe or don't believe. Yes, you will be sad, but you will know that he is absolutely still with you.
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@faery Thank you 🌸
GovanDUNNY · M
Your over 🤔 over thinking Misty, 1,none of this is your fault, 2,being agnostic is ok ,3, just be there as that's all you can do.
Pfuzylogic · M
Your father needs you now for the Love that you have for him. In a hospital they should have a Chaplin available for concerns about God. I am certain that if you request for one they should be able to help in a hospital.
Lostlostlost · 56-60, M
I’ve been through something similar recently , I didn’t know sadness could go that deep.
AngelUnforgiven · 51-55, F
No one truly knows . Think about the things that you can control..Just be there for him.
hunkalove · 70-79, M
Send positive thoughts his way.

 
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