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Struggling because I'm agnostic

My dad is in hospice and it's not far away now that he will probably pass😕 It's heart wrenching seeing him miserable, and now it's affecting his mind and cognitive abilities. Yet I hope for any amount of time for him to last a bit more

But I'm really struggling trying to accept his nearing passing. I used to be religious growing up but about a decade ago I became agnostic. I wish I could truly feel his soul is going to a Paradise and Heaven. I think I wouldn't feel as frightened. But I don't know what will happen, I feel angst and helpless on him leaving me and Earth. Have you ever felt this???
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JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M
I do not believe in the supernatural, the afterlife, spirits, miracles, gods, heaven, hell, karma, reincarnation, etc.

I think once a person dies that is it. He only lives on in our records and memories (while they last).

I confess my way to sort of deal with loss is to slowly distance myself from people, not get so attached. I have lived away from my family since I was 18. I have not seen anybody in person for over a year. I talk to my parents on the phone about twice a month. That is how it is, and I am used to it, and even fine with it.

I have always been alone in life, and most likely always will be. I miss the fallen but nothing I or anybody can do will bring them back. I must move on, since my time is short, too. I will find new people. The next chapter.

So sorry for all the suffering.
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@JoyfulSilence I started to see major hypocrisy in religion and thought too, if God is omniscient and all loving, why did I suffer for years and years?? When I was a good obedient kid?? The story around religion and God changed for me after that. But, I can't say fully I know if anything else DOES occur after death.... whatever it may be. I just wish we could know in this life🙁
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Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@JoyfulSilence Thank you for those reflective thoughts. I do wonder if God is all loving why He or She did not make us perfect or not at least face disease. And I remember the author Wayne Dyer saying, that in the Bible it says "I am God."And that either Jesus or God says for US to say this too about ourselves, that WE are creators. . I've never read a lot of the Bible but that notion was very interesting.
JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M
@Baybreeze

We do have some control over our own futures.

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Your thoughts about perfection and disease remind me of the elves of Middle Earth. They were similar to humans in body and thought, yet immortal since they never grew old in body, never decayed (or at least they had youthful regeneration of their bodies all the time?), and never got ill from bacteria, viruses, genetic diseases, the effects of obesity, heart disease, cancer, etc.

Yet their bodies could be broken or slain, they could lose limbs which did not grow back, etc. And they could die from intense grief and weariness of the world.

But their fate, after the death of their bodies, was to be assembled in the Halls of Mandos, who was one of the "Gods" of Middle Earth. Sort of like the Greek god Hades. There they waited until the end of days, and their fate after the end of the world was yet unknown. I think only one elf, Luthien, a powerful princess, ever returned after her body died. But she lived in a new body for only a short time after that.

She had married a man, Beren (who also died, yet was sent back, too). Because she married Beren, she lost her immortality, and so they both died again, this time for good. Yet they both died of old age, and in peace. They had children. I think Aragorn was one of their descendents.

In this mythology, humans die like humans in our real world. They grow old, get sick, etc. Yet unlike elves, after death they truely leave the world. They do not go to Mandos with the elves. They go back to God ("Illuvatar"). The fate of the elves is bound to the fate of the World. The fate of humans is a mystery. They leave the World.

Tolkien was Catholic so his books had a lot of religious themes.

The fantasies of Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, etc , are just as fantastical to me as those of Middle Earth. I guess the difference is billions follow them, so I must be sensitive to that, whereas I presume all people know Middle Earth is not real! Except perhaps some internet eccentrics!
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@JoyfulSilence Interesting ...I didn't know Aragorns history. I wish we could all be elves. What a great world that would be. 🧝‍♀
JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M
@Baybreeze

Until the orcs come knocking! 😈