How can one feel good about themselves... Or confident, without feeling arrogant/selfish? I...

DrWatson · 70-79, M Best Comment

Why not think about the people you like. You can like them without elevating them in your mind to heights far above mere mortals.

Then, try feeling the same way about yourself. And ignore that voice that asks "who do you think you are?" After all, your positive feelings toward others don't get countered by "who do they think they are?"

If you don't do that to them, then don't do it to yourself. 😄

Piper · 61-69, F

There is a big difference between feeling good about who you know you are, and being arrogant or selfish. Still, I think I might understand what you've described . Throughout my own life, there has always been someone saying something akin to "who do you think you are"...and some of them were people very important to me in some way. Even when they were not, especially, the words had lasting impact.

Carissimi · F

When something is ingrained like this, it’s just part of you. I can be very critical of myself, so I tell myself that it’s not my voice that’s berating me, it’s my mother’s that took up living in my brain somewhere, and likes to keep that critical voice alive. If we can see them as echos of the past, and not present day reality, it can at least help us separate the wheat from the chaff, and those people who are taking up space in our psyche.

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

Self confidence is not selfish at all

NinaTina · 26-30, F

I do it with humor

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uncalled4 · 56-60, M

You'll benefit from looking at something in terms of "What's in it for me?" after you determine that you have something to offer(you do, of course).

IndianaJoes · M

I think when I want to make myself feel good about myself I just electrocute myself with the TENS unit on my back.

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

It’s okay to feel good about yourself though. When you are arrogant you have an exaggerated sense of your importance or ability.

Being confident doesn’t mean you are arrogant.

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

This sounds like Jante.

Here we say "Fuck Jante"

NativePortlander1970

(((((HUGS))))) I am so very sorry you grew up with that kind of abuse. I was also raised that self sacrifice is rewarding in and of itself, and now I have nothing worth anything to my name, living disability check to disability check in a section 8 apartment. I have come to learn that serving oneself is not selfish, in airline safety drills, flight attendants tell parents to put their oxygen masks on first before their small children, so that they don't pass out before they have a chance to put them on their kids.