How can one feel good about themselves...

Or confident, without feeling arrogant/selfish?

I struggle with this so much. I feel I can never tap into that phrase people use "Take me as I am." Or ever feel I can offer someone something...my mind will not allow me to. It overrides it with You are selfish. Or "Who do you think you are?" That was engrained in me growing up. 😟

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DrWatson · 70-79, M Best Comment

Why not think about the people you like. You can like them without elevating them in your mind to heights far above mere mortals.

Then, try feeling the same way about yourself. And ignore that voice that asks "who do you think you are?" After all, your positive feelings toward others don't get countered by "who do they think they are?"

If you don't do that to them, then don't do it to yourself. 😄

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@DrWatson True..If someone is having fun or being confident , I typically don't think "Who do they think they are?? " Anything positive that creeps up in me that I start to have a SHRED of confidence over, my mind squashes it and I don't continue. If I showed anything positive growing up or stood up for myself, I got, "Do you think you are better than anyone? " So I became afraid of ever thinking good of myself.

DrWatson · 70-79, M

@Coralmist It sounds as if you are trapped in "either/or" thinking about this. In between the two extremes of being arrogant and being self-deprecating, there is a huge middle ground. You are worthy of love and respect, and that does not make you "better than anyone else."

Your parents have planted a voice in your head -- a voice that lies.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@DrWatson Thank you Watson. 🌺 I want to get to a place where I feel I can acknowledge my good traits, in order to actually start dating. And not feel I am Arrogant if I put myself out there..thinking I am "better" than anyone. I constantly fear that if I feel good about myself esp. In dating..that it means I am arrogant. It was a lie yes...because I have NEVER thought I am better than anyone. The opposite actually. Its hard seeing the distortion you've been living for years. Now I see clearly that others date and THEY dont feel they are better,( if they have confidence in what they offer someone.) And are enjoying love as a result. Ty for your reflective reply. 🐦