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How did it feel when u got divorced ?

Were u sad , happy , frustrated , missing him or her straight after , thinking it was a mistake even thinking you will be lonely and alone for a long time after ?

What was your reaction ?
Did u do everything u can to safe your marraige ?
BrewCityBarfly · M Best Comment
Neither happy or sad. It was just the reality to maintain my own sanity.

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
Very freeing for me. I felt like I had removed shackles and a chain around my neck. Could actually sleep in and rest, do what I need to do and then rest, and emotionally rest and sleep well at night. One weekend when it was rainy and cold I couldn’t do any yard work so had to stay inside, went to the library and got a lot of books to read and spend the weekend doing that. I almost felt guilty because it was the most time I had for myself in years.
cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
@meggie I bought an expensive set of waterless cookware, paid it off about a year and a half after marrying him. Within 3 days he had set one of those new pans on the porch and fed his dog in it. That’s the kind of thing he did, didn’t respect anything I worked hard for or needed. And he had a passive-aggressive way of breaking or ruining something. I had hand-embroidered things that I made that were peppered up with cigarette burns by him for example. About a year after I got married my neighbor warned me not to let him borrow my car because he’d ruin it. It was already a used car with a lot of miles on it.
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cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
@meggie I do
4meAndyou · F
I felt very free when the divorce was finally final...but I admit, living on my own in another state, I was lonely. I really began to forget all of the reasons for the divorce, and I forgot about his rages and the abusive behavior, and the gaslighting, and I just...missed him. We had been together for 25 years. I sent him emails and told him that I missed him, and he drove to Michigan to see me...and brought me back with him to Massachusetts.

Turns out, it was for revenge. The revenge started on the drive back to Massachusetts with me in my car, and him driving the moving truck.

Turns out, he couldn't afford to pay the bills, and there wasn't an official second bedroom with a closet, which he could rent out, so he began to charge me rent.

Eventually...after another year or so, I moved out again. It was a HUGE mistake trying to get back together with...THAT. I won't forget again. And the feelings I once had are all for our lives in the past, now.

I have moved far beyond the poisonous relationship that our marriage became, now, and I am VERY happy alone.
in10RjFox · M
@4meAndyou
and I just...missed him.
I have seen many lovers getting back for they get hooked to the harsh treatment and sex .. and they get too lonely once they are alone as their mind starts playing the episodes repeatedly.
helenS · 36-40, F
I shaved my head, because I wanted a total restart.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@helenS or they act really well infront of others
in10RjFox · M
@helenS As if they came and told you that they are happy .. 😀

So you are sacrificing your life for others ?

My question is to know your expectations of marriage, before your wedding ? Or just got mislead by those happy couples ?
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JustNik · 51-55, F
I knew it was right but I still had to mourn the loss of dreams and misconceptions and make peace with what felt like a failure. After a time, I was just deliriously happy to not have to look at his face every day. I would literally lie in bed smiling at the ceiling because he wasn’t there.
Fairydust · F
It was the hardest thing I’ve gone through, i was all the emotions, happy, sad, scared, angry….

I tried for years to save it, just going round in circles, his behaviour would change for a short time and back to his old ways.

I couldn’t wait for it to be over, I joked I’d have a divorce party but when I got the final confirmation i literally cried for 3 days solid.

Probably the whole stress of it all coming out. It was also a relief.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@Fairydust i have been trying......but these days its more fighting and arguements than anything.....and i can see she doesnt even enjoy seeing me anymore not even talking much to me anymore
Fairydust · F
@wudifu

Aw I’m sorry 😔 have you tried marriage counselling? divorce should always be the final option, if you can do it amicably less money, mine cost me thousands, Solicitors are so expensive 😏
wudifu · 46-50, M
@Fairydust thats a good option i was also thinking about it.....thank you
Before I actually filed for divorce I attempted suicide, I found the pictures on the computer on Thanksgiving day and made my attempt the next day. Ended up in a hospital for 5 days, felt like a failure for some time after, I assumed that I had somehow failed my wife causing her to cheat on me. My doctor convinced me to file for divorce (I wasn't going to initially) unless she agreed to counseling which she refused. That was 15 years ago, and even though I have since remarried I still feel like a failure.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@istillhaveanameitsrick sorry to hear that...atleast u came out of a terrible situation......
Fluffybull · F
@istillhaveanameitsrick You're not a failure, your ex-wife is.
PatKirby · M
@Fluffybull
Yep a 304 who rationalized it then proceded to emotionally abuse him.
Im going through it now and its so hard.
GeniUs · 56-60, M
@MyMonstersAreReal Chin up, it gets a whole lot easier once you cut ties.
ChadJNSD · 18-21, M
I am not sure but my mom has had 5 husbands already and she was very happy with every divorce. 🤣
wudifu · 46-50, M
@ChadJNSD damm
ChadJNSD · 18-21, M
@GeniUs Don’t get so offended. 😉
GeniUs · 56-60, M
@ChadJNSD How could somebody I have no regard for have an opinion that could offend me?
Adogslife · 61-69, M
Relieved. The financial loss and alimony bill was huge, but you can’t put a price on freedom.

I’ve never been happier.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@Adogslife awesome.....alot of people say they havent been happier
Adogslife · 61-69, M
@wudifu And the funny thing, all the women you meet are really supportive. It’s very weird.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@Adogslife maybe they also lonely or maybe like u say just supportive
OldBrit · 61-69, M
So far not got divorced yet.
Paladin · 61-69, M
@OldBrit Same here. 41 years married so far.
OldBrit · 61-69, M
@Paladin we're 39 later this year
Torsten · 36-40, M
was never divorced but i was engaged long term and that ended very badly.
Honestly never really felt anything. Didn't know how to feel. Kinda numb to it at first.
There was days she would go out and i would get dark thoughts every so often like if she got in a horrific accident on the way home and didnt survive it and well, that was probably the happiest few moments of my time with her at the end of it.
We only stayed together as long as we did because we had a child together and despite all the bullshit she put me through for years after we ended our relationship, i am honestly thankful she had the balls to initiate the break up cause i would have stuck in it for good while being utterly miserable because i put my son first always
wudifu · 46-50, M
@Torsten horrific man......they day a women cab make or break a man......and like me.....i try my best always and kindest and most energtic......but i get slack....no motivation not happy towards me and tries to shift the vlame always.......life must be on the up for you now ?
Ynotisay · M
It was a mutual decision based on what was best for each of our lives moving forward. As we got older we veered off with our interests and thought it was better to be true to ourselves. We still talk. No animosity. Don't think either of us were ever lonely or unhappy with the decision.
There's a "have to" component to marriage for a lot of people. "Wanting to" is what makes it work. What I learned is that I need to live alone. I had an opportunity to move to a sweet setup, my partner followed me about six months after and bought a house about 200 yards away. She wants to live alone too. It's perfect. We're super happy. We're real partners and will be together for the duration. Might not work for everyone but it works for us. Different paths up the mountain. But yeah. "Want to" vs. "Have to." That's what it's about.
bowman81 · M
Never divorced, but started the process once. I was out of the house for a week, went back to discuss with my wife how we would proceed. I felt like a huge part of me was dying. We made it work for another 29 years till cancer took her. Not perfect by a longshot. I'm glad we did.
CestManan · 46-50, F
Kind of sad leading up to it but once it was all said and done, I felt this sense of freedom that I never have before.

Like woke up one morning soon after and it was like that day was made JUST for me. :D

Save it? Our marriage had "run it's course". We both just gave up. Yeah there was the normal fighting leading up to divorce but to this day we have no hard feelings.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@CestManan thats the best....if you can still stay friends and have the decency to still chat and not affect the kids if there was any......good for you
CestManan · 46-50, F
@wudifu Our only child is 27 now.

The marriage had just run it's course basically. We wanted different things in life. There were no assets to fight over.

So really nothing to fight about.

I think a lot of messy and bitter divorces stem when there are assets and both parties get greedy.
FreestyleArt · 31-35, M
Never got married. Nothing but a scam now days
Paladin · 61-69, M
@FreestyleArt Not if you find the right person.
FreestyleArt · 31-35, M
@Paladin it's like a hidden treasure these days and I don't have time as it's already too stressful to live.
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
He refused and threatened to take everything and other nightmarish things.
I've imagined for years I'd feel sad but free and relieved.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@Starcrossed i havent asked her yet.....but i will the next time she isnt such a hard ass
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
@wudifu this sounds important to you, I hope you're able to articulate that to her. Everyone deserves to feel heard and validated, even if you don't find the resolution you want.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@Starcrossed i agree
GeniUs · 56-60, M
Relief but getting the 'financial settlement'* sorted was much better even though I got my ass kicked.

* Equal division of resources.
It most certainly was not equal and I had provided about 80% of them.
GeniUs · 56-60, M
@wudifu I was concerned I would be alone for the rest of my life I was 38 (near enough) when we split but it turns out there are just as many women with the same concerns out there looking for a man. And some of them are really nice people much nicer than either of the women I married. It's 20 years later this year (I should throw a party) and I haven't looked back and if the truth be known I was finally able to really enjoy my life.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@GeniUs are u remarried ?
GeniUs · 56-60, M
@wudifu No I couldn't do it again, each time I would lose money and step further away from retirement. (Nobody should work until they are no longer physically able.) I do have a long term partner I have a saying about our relationship, "I can put up with her shit and she can put up with mine."
Like a GIGANTIC ball and chain had been cut off my ankle.

It started out very amicable, but quickly went downhill as her unreasonable demands increased.

Hint: Ladies, talk to your lawyer, not your cube-mate at work. She doesn't know JACK about the law and her divorce may have had extremely different circumstances.
Ynotisay · M
@Threepio That's good advice. I have a friend who is a family law attorney, who exclusively works with men in divorce, and the stories he's told me are mind blowing. He's said it's very common for divorcing women to get advice from friends and things can turn vindictive super fast.
Patriot96 · 56-60, C
Woo hoo, went out played golf
wudifu · 46-50, M
@Patriot96 hahahahaha....good for you
losthorizons · 51-55, M
I think people just grow apart after a long period of time. Some are t as honest up front either because they are looking just to get married then the true colors start to show which can cause problems
wudifu · 46-50, M
@losthorizons yes...sometimes partners would just stay quiet because the preserve the peace.....but thats not healthy either
CactusJackManson · 46-50, M
Sevendays · M
It was a relief.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@Sevendays thank you
Sevendays · M
@wudifu you're welcome.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@Sevendays and im a happy energetic lover of life person......she is so miserable and doesnt ever want to do anything.....but thanks for the help
JamesBugman · 56-60, T
Are you hurting? You still love her? That can be tough.
sylvsn59 · 61-69, M
Relieved but missed my kids.
wudifu · 46-50, M
@sylvsn59 yea thats a hard one
HumanEarth · 56-60, F
I don't know, I got divorce by mail order
Azlotto · M
Like I got paroled.
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
I was sad.
NEVER once thought it was a mistake.
TheLordOfHell · 41-45
Which time?
tenente · 100+, M
relief 🤔 i was in deep depression and my partner never loved me anyways
wudifu · 46-50, M
@tenente sad hey....especially if you trying to always make it work and put in the effort
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