If your SO died, how deep would be the personal crisis?

Just happened to me. My wife of many years passed away. Yes, it is difficult. I miss her and all that we shared. I would not call it a personal crisis. It is part of life. She was getting older and in poor health, and this was best for her--she had a severe stroke and could no longer speak or move. We had a good life together, a wonderful family and more. But now it is time to move forward. I have even started to date. She is not coming back and I am still alive and quite vital. I would also add that while we did have a shared identity as a couple, I do now have my own identity.

I have been preparing myself for that inevitably for a few years now. As the health concerns increase and the dementia increases she is no longer the woman I loved but a shell of herself. There won’t be any sadness but relief for the both of us.

I know who I am

But without my kids I would crumble

If i was still with my ex. I would be really sad yes. But i wouldnt be completely surprised. She has a nack of trusting the wrong people and getting into serious danger. One of the reasons we just cant be together. I never relied on her. I was the backbone for eveything. We needed my money and it was up to me to solve all the problems. Mentally and physically. It was draining and she only sometimes respected me, when it was suitable for her or infront of other people. Letting her go actually made my life easier.

When I was widowed, I’d lost my partner, but I had never lost my sense of self.

If I had one, I would move forward. Love that is true never dies. My partner would be happy for my philosophy as I would move forward, carrying love. People need to make lives while with someone. Love means loving yourself that way too. ❤️

I think my future SO died in a car accident

Crushing.

It was tough. Six years later it still is to some extent. After forty years together a couple isn't just two people who happen to live together. For instance my wife always had a better memory than I so after a while I simply relied on her to remember people, events, anniversaries, etc. Then bowel cancer. Two years of hell for her. Then a big hole in my life. I'm filling it now with ways of being that I think were latent in me all the time but not expressed because of a combination of lack of need and them not being suited to our life together.

Essentially I have spent much of that six years reinventing myself.

Luckily her family was there for me

It seems like a huge loss, especially if you had a family with the person. You can have your own identity and still have it be a huge loss.

No, me and my SO have quite separate identities.
I would miss his companionship,
but would adjust and manage well.

I would date myself and get to know who I am without him. I don't think I'd have any crisis except the grief itself. It would feel different and empty without him. But I would adapt. I'm not the type who stay miserable. Him however. He has told me if I die before him it will destroy him. He already know he has my permission to be happy no matter if I'm there or not. I don't want him to stop life because I'm gone.

He drives me nuts sometimes but I'd miss him terribly

I am my own person, but I wouldn't want to live without him so I'd follow.

I’d be devastated. It’s not that my identity is tied to him, so much as my happiness in ways that would be impossible alone no matter how much time passed. I’d stick around for my kiddo, but even after the grieving of losing the love of my life, my existence would.. a suffering I would have to learn to live with.

damn wifi connection

I think i'm pretty clear on who and what i am at this stage in life and i dobt think that would change. But.....as a partnership, theres things he does in our relatiobship i'd really struggle to do without him....and vice versa if it were me who popped my clogs first, so i'd be list in some aspects of my life....i'd havevto learn some stuff pretty fast!

I know this isn't what you asked, but we went through a rough patch 10 years ago, because I had lost sight of myself . Ivwas too busy beibg wife and mum and supporting the kids i worked with, there was no time at all for being me....just for me. It wasn't pleasent. I wasn't coping well at all.

But... i'm back now....and pretty happy with me and my abilities to deal with most things.

At this point, we’re too young, and I would be most upset that his story was short.

I would be devastated but, my identity is not tied to my husband.

I’d be very lost

Unfathomable!!

I'd be sad and miss him a lot. But I'd manage alright. My identity is my own, I've always been ok as just me... but the 'us' part being gone would be hard. Very hard.

question whether i have early onset dementia as i don't remember having one :p

I don't envisage it would create a crisis of any sort.

I hate to even think about it. I'm almost 15 years older, so likely I'll be taking a dirt nap first.

My identity is [b]not[/b] tied to my (almost) spouse. We're together 13 years, but I am who I am.