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He wants children but I dont

We are married for 6 yrs now. I dont want to have a baby but he is insisiting. Becoming a mother is something I never wished for... what can I do? Im afraid he might say yrs later that I deprived him of being a father...I dont want that...
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DareToSayIT · 31-35, M Best Comment
It’s important to acknowledge that while he may want a child, you would be the one carrying the baby, enduring the physical and emotional toll of pregnancy, and going through a life-changing transformation. Pregnancy is hard on your body, your mind, and your sense of self it’s a physically demanding and sometimes mentally overwhelming journey. The process of birth itself can come with serious complications, both during and after. And even after giving birth, things don’t just settle down. The constant cycle of sleepless nights, feeding every few hours, and the never-ending demands of caring for a newborn can leave you feeling drained and disconnected from your old self.

As your child grows, new challenges arise testing your patience, requiring your time, and demanding your attention. And, of course, there are financial responsibilities that don’t magically take care of themselves. Wanting a child is one thing, but living through the reality of parenthood is a whole different ball game. If you’re not fully prepared, it’s okay to question whether you’re ready to bring a life into the world not just to fulfill someone else’s dream, but for the long haul, for both your sake and the child’s.
If you’re not ready, don’t feel pressured to make such a monumental decision just to avoid blame or guilt.

The reality of motherhood isn’t always easy, and if you’re shouldering the emotional and physical weight alone, you deserve to feel supported, not blamed. Make this choice for yourself, not out of fear or obligation to anyone else.
Foxygirl32 · 31-35, F
@DareToSayIT finally someone spoke my mind. Thank u so much🥰
yestestvennaya · 22-25, F
@Foxygirl32 You are selfish.

RosaMarie · 46-50, F
It's not your obligation to achieve his life goals. I assume you were very, very clear and open about this BEFORE you got married?

A lot of how this will go will depend on how it was set up. The best case for you is that you've been clear and unwavering. The worst is that you didn't tell him, and so now it's new.

In the end, the back story only changes how the conversation goes, but not it's content or outcome. He can't force you to have his child. If he won't respect you or simple can't accept your choice, you both need to move on.
RosaMarie · 46-50, F
@Foxygirl32 That's unfortunate, but you are allowed to change your mind. Even on a critical point like this. Best thing you can do is let him go seek what he wants. Divorce sucks, but probably you will both be happier in the long run.
@RosaMarie Rather glib answer for a 45-sec précis.

The OP needs to have a very honest conversation with her husband to really share the concerns / hopes they both have.

Their conversation about their relationship.
RosaMarie · 46-50, F
@Foxygirl32 In light of those on this post ready to condem you for your choice, let me give a counter point. I'm 46. Never married. No kids. I have no regrets. None. I've faced pressure and judgement on both topics my whole life. And I've lived the life I've wanted to live.
Renkon · M
A child is a father’s immortality ..... his way of living on, even after his breath has stilled, even when his eyes no longer open, even when he exists only as a memory to others. In his children, he continues to live — it’s his way of leaving a piece of his spirit behind, a quiet promise that he will never be truly gone.

You are right .... as time passes, it becomes harder for him to believe that love alone is enough to fill that emptiness. When he looks into the mirror he sees his image slowly fading, it must ache deeply inside.

So if your heart tells you that you don’t wish to have a child, then face that truth together — with honesty, courage, and love. Because some decisions, though painful, are what define the deepest kind of understanding between two souls.
nevergiveup · 61-69, M
My 1st wife had 3 children from her 1st husband. He died so i brought them up as my own. I never wanted any more kids but she insisted we have one so i would have a child of my own. We had a girl and then she had an affair and we devorced. I have 4 kids and happy Now remarried and my kids accept her and she is grandmother to our 5 grand kids.
SpectralMourning · 41-45, M
Be honest and keep telling him it's not what you want and it's not going to be anything that you want. He can try insisting all he wants but it's a choice you're free to make. If it's a deal breaker for him then unfortunately the marriage isn't likely to work out. Sorry you're going through this.
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
If he is "insisting" you have a child against your wishes, then there isn't much i can say except maybe you have to get away from him. If it's a question of not wanting to give birth on your part, perhaps adoption is the answer? We adopted.
DarthInvader · 36-40, M
Was it something you both discussed before marriage? This is clearly a serious matter, one that requires far more conversation than either of you might want to have. You both need to sit down together and have some hard, honest discussions about your options and your future together. This isn’t an “I’m not obliged” kind of situation, and it’s definitely not a one-way commitment. It’s going to require both of you to be adults about it which includes being considerate of each other's desires and needs
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Chiefjustice · 46-50, M
Did he know from the begining of the relationship? And all along?

You two are partners, if has changed his mind, and now wants, this is a big deal in a way as it alters the whole dynamics of the relationship. What is the middle ground?

And if you can reverse this scenario and imagine you wanted one and he didnt, how would you go about it? If he told you no, and you really did want to be mother, of your own flesh n blood, what route will you take?
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Wallflow3r · 31-35, F
The question is how badly does he want kids? I am surprised you two didn't talk about kids before and if
you never wanted any I would have made that clear to him years ago. Either way though you don't have to
do anything that you don't want to do.
This message was deleted by its author.
Younameit · F
Let him know where you stand and let him go if that’s his wish. He might end up resenting you.
Foxygirl32 · 31-35, F
Tbh, we discussed it before marriage and I was ok abt it. I was even excited. But now I cant. I AM the deal breaker...Everytime I think abt a baby, the responsibility, the way it changes my life , and with the doomed society I live in, I really dont want to bring another soul to this life. I have suffered enough, I dont want to ruin it now that I am finally breathing...
Frostcloud · F
i hear you but what if you have a kid you don't want and he ends up passing suddenly, or not being a helpful parent, and leaves the burden on you. imo children isn't really something that can be compromised on
Foxygirl32 · 31-35, F
@Frostcloud thats my true fear
Lostpoet · M
He might feel that way I have a brother in his forties and him and his wife never had kids.
DunningKruger · 61-69, M
If this is an insurmountable barrier in your relationship, then it may very well be irreconcilable differences. Let him go to find someone with whom he can have a child, and let yourself go free to find someone for whom you are enough on your own.
being · 36-40, F
sit down and have a serious conversation. Don't let it just flow around, that is a subject to clarify... Be open to listen to him and expect the same.
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ArtieKat · M
@jshm2
Seems you've led him on, rather than the other way round.

From the information given in the post, what leads you to think that she hasn't always made her position clear?
@ArtieKat ...how she had said in many different reply threads that

1) they DID discuss kids b4 marriage

2) she had wanted them

3) she had even been excited

That might be what her husband was left with as his impression--that they were in synch.
ArtieKat · M
@SomeMichGuy OK, fair enough
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
That's something you should have discussed at the beginning of your relationship. Now it'll probably end up in divorce.
This message was deleted by its author.
I think you'll find it is the greatest adventure you've ever had...
RosaMarie · 46-50, F
@SomeMichGuy You are literally trying to talk her into something she has clearly stated she doesn't want. If my answer was glib, yours is insensitive.
Foxygirl32 · 31-35, F
@SomeMichGuy I know it might be so nurishing and pleasant to be a mom, but I simply dont want to become one
lilylovesgaming1986 · 36-40, F
Sounds like a conversation u two should have had before marriage
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lilylovesgaming1986 · 36-40, F
@Foxygirl32 I am all most 40 and found out this summer I am pregnant with my first child. I most say I never thought about having a child. But I am excited about it. I even had a rough childhood so I will be different then my parents was
Move on. If it's that important, he needs to find a willing participant. If you don't want kids, you won't suddenly enjoy them when they arrive
JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M
Tell him there are billions of ladies of child bearing age in the world. I am sure he will find a willing partner elsewhere. There is the door, have a nice life!
Foxygirl32 · 31-35, F
@JoyfulSilence but I love him and he loves me so much
JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M
@Foxygirl32

I am glad and I hope you can work it all out.
This is the number 1 most important thing to agree on before getting married
Quimliqer · 70-79, M
A conversation that should have happened 6 years ago!
This message was deleted by its author.
Pretzel · 70-79, M
Tell him no and if it is a deal breaker then maybe you need to split

There is no meeting halfway
AthrillatheHunt · 51-55, M
That’s a rough spot to be in
come2gether · 46-50, M
Time for divorce it sounds
Foxygirl32 · 31-35, F
@come2gether he says divorce is not an option at all
come2gether · 46-50, M
@Foxygirl32 what country are you in
OriginalDumbMan · 36-40
It is your duty to keep him happy and provide his needs.
Foxygirl32 · 31-35, F
@OriginalDumbMan well judging by ur username, Im not offended lol
HallofMirrors · 31-35, M
Why are you afraid of being a mother?

Just curious
@HallofMirrors She gave a list of sorts.
yestestvennaya · 22-25, F
What is wrong with you?
Foxygirl32 · 31-35, F
@yestestvennaya Idk, maybe Im not norma
Popobandar4 · 26-30, M
Surrogate? Or with other options?
kittee · 22-25
divorce him
yestestvennaya · 22-25, F
@kittee It is he who needs to divorce her. Soon.

She is depriving him of fatherhood, the most natural thing to man. He should not have to put up with her anti-nature ways. She is a mole, an anomaly, that he needs to get rid of. If he stays with this thing he will never have children. He will never do what he was put here to do. The purpose and joy; he will never have it. He needs new woman. A natural woman.
pdockal · 56-60, M
set him free
romell · 51-55, M
It's a collective decision period
Did you have this conversation before?
This message was deleted by its author.
@Foxygirl32 I hope you guys can find a resolution

 
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